Building Walls
by EllaNight
Summary: She's glad she could help out Alexis, reassure her that the school dance won't be so bad even though her dad is attending as a chaperone. But she's just made a promise she's not entirely sure she knows how to keep. How on Earth is she going to distract Richard Castle? AU where Kate is Alexis' teacher.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This will be my contribution story to the Castle Ficathon! Not sure if I will have reached the 30, 000 word count by the deadline, but it already exceeds 15, 000 so I should be covered for the mini-ficathon at the very least. This AU was born from a prompt on the CastleFanficPrompts Tumblr page, but unfortunately, it's too far back for me to find. Hopefully, whoever prompted this will see it! Hope you all enjoy!_

* * *

Kate closes her lesson plan, deems it detailed enough to be ready for her return the week after next. Looking up from her desk, she glances at her wall clock and sighs. She's really glad it's Friday and the week is almost over; by the end of the day she'll go visit her dad and after then she'll allow herself the luxury to go home, let her body sink into a scalding bath and open the pages of a good book. She loves teaching, she really does, and the kids are lovely, they respect her in the classroom and look up to her, trust her enough to come to her for advice, for comfort, but this week has been unusually chaotic.

They've been bouncing off the walls, constantly buzzing with energy and she knows it's because spring break has been just around the corner. Her grade six students were particularly looking forward to the Spring Dance, constant gossiping about who invited whom and what the girls were going to wear.

The week break will definitely do her some good. She loves these kids but she needs a little bit of time to herself.

"Good morning, Ms. Beckett," she hears from the door and smiles, glad to see Alexis entering her classroom. She doesn't practice favoritism while she teaches, wants all of the kids that come to her to know and feel like they have equal opportunity to learn if they be willing to put in the work. Outside the classroom however, she can't help but feel a little closer to certain students than others. Alexis is one of those kids. She's an amazing girl, always wants to learn and talented too, wise beyond her years. Kate has been lucky to have her in her class this year.

"Good morning, Alexis," Kate greets, looking up to find the girl alone, taking a seat at her usual desk, her books already laid out before her. Kate usually always sees her with her friends, though she's very serious about her studies, so she's surprised to find her here so early and on her own. Her face is serious, scrunched up in thought, and her brow knit in concentration as she stares down her desk. "Is everything okay?" Kate asks.

Alexis looks up, a bit startled and a little shy, struggling to open up, but she eventually takes the leap. "I'm worried about tonight," she admits looking up at Kate and then back down at her desk.

Ah, the dance. She remembers those days too; can relate to how much pressure she knows comes with these kinds of school events. Kate rises from her chair and moves around her desk to sit closer to Alexis, breaching a bit of the space between them so that it's easier to talk.

"Anything in particular?" Kate enquires, figures maybe with a little push, Alexis will let on a bit more of what's on her mind. The girl looks down at her desk for a little while longer but once she looks up, Kate knows she's ready to spill.

"Jeremy asked me to the dance," she states. Kate feels a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She manages to tame it, though because it's clear Alexis is upset, conflicted about this; there must be more to the story.

"He's a great guy. Do you like him?"

A subtle blush tints the girl's cheeks, matching the bright red of her hair, and Kate knows enough to realize that's a yes even before Alexis tilts her head slightly in a shy nod.

"But..." Kate trails off, coaxing he rest of the story out of her.

"But my Dad volunteered to chaperone the dance and he told me he wanted to make sure the boys stay away from me."

Kate's heart does a little flip in her chest and she internally chastises herself for it. She knows who Alexis' father is, has known since she saw her student class list.

Richard Castle, famous mystery novelist.

She's read every single one of his books - multiple times – and she can't deny she's gazed at the handsome book cover photo more than once. But she's never let that influence the way she treats Alexis, has never even mentioned her father's celebrity status to her. Lord knows she gets that enough from the other teachers. The girl had told her once that Ms. Karpowski had asked her for his number when he'd featured in the New York Ledger as being one of the city's most eligible bachelors. Talk about taking advantage of children and unprofessional conduct. She'd had a chat with the professor after Alexis had told her how uncomfortable it had made her.

So no, she's never asked Alexis about her father, out of respect for the girl and she's not about to change that today.

"Have you told your dad about Jeremy asking you to the dance?" Alexis shakes her head and just the mention of it seems to flare panic in her, her eyes going wide.

"No. I mean, I love my dad, he's really cool. But he doesn't like boys being around me much. Says he knows how mean they can be and he doesn't want me getting hurt."

She's heard about Richard Castle's notorious reputation on page six and it was anything but stellar. It looks like he doesn't want anyone treating his daughter the way he apparently treats the women he keeps on his arm for nothing more than a couple of hours. Ironic. She keeps that comment to herself.

"What if I went to the dance?" Shit, what is she _doing_? "I could try to distract your dad for a few moments, so maybe you and Jeremy could have a dance?"

Alexis' eyes go wide with joy, alight with renewed possibility. "Really? You would do that for me?" she asks, her voice almost wondrous.

Crap. What has she gotten herself into? She doesn't have time tonight; she needs to go see her father.

But the light in Alexis' eyes tell her exactly why she did it, why she sacrificed her warm bath and relaxing night to attend the school dance she's been hearing about all week. Someone different needs her tonight and she can go straight to her father afterschool if there's an emergency. There isn't much she wouldn't do for this girl. She'd go to great lengths for all her students, no doubt, but Alexis has come to be something special to her. They have private reading sessions sometimes, as she's far more advanced than the rest of the class and wants to keep learning, and Kate has come to know her quite well, grown very fond of her.

"I've got your back," she tells Alexis with a wink. "If you want me to," Kate specifies, not wanting to influence her. Alexis wraps her arms around her, taking Kate by surprise and she hesitates to reciprocate, only because of what it could look like in terms of student-teacher boundaries. She doesn't usually do this but she finds herself caving, curling around the twelve-year-old girl whom she's grown to love over the past year. Alexis is a special girl.

Pulling back after a few seconds, Alexis is all smiles again. "Thank you Ms. Beckett. I think it would be a great plan."

She couldn't be happier to have restored Alexis' good humor, her excitement about the dance returning and clearing her eyes, but Kate finds herself dreading the situation she's just managed to put herself in. How on Earth is she going to distract Richard Castle?

* * *

Kate sighs, already regretting the offer she'd made her favorite student as she stares down her closet. Why is she so damn worried about what to wear? It's not as if she's actually attending the dance as a guest: she's only there to supervise. She really doesn't need to be all that dolled up.

 _Richard Castle will be there_ , her mind annoyingly supplies and she condemns the thought right away. She's going because she made Alexis a promise, because it mattered to her that she be there and she isn't about to go back on her word.

She shouldn't care about the girl's father, doesn't intend to stoop to the level of other teachers who used Alexis to try and get to him. It shouldn't matter that she'd had a bit of a crush on him when she began reading his books, inevitably drawn to the back cover where his handsome picture was printed.

Unfortunately, page six has managed to squander the image of him she'd conjured up in her mind long ago; he was nothing like she'd imagined, those thoughts nothing more than fantasy and she'd let go of her ridiculous pull to him once she read about how he really was.

His daughter, however, she knows is quite amazing.

Tonight is about Alexis and letting her have a dance with Jeremy. All she has to do is engage her father in conversation for a little over five minutes and then her task would be done. Easy. She could totally manage that.

With a little bit of luck, she might even be able to slip out of the dance early and come back home to enjoy the bath she'd so desperately been looking forward to.

Exhaling loudly, though there's no one to hear it in her empty apartment, Kate pulls a comfy yet chic purple sweater off the rack of her dresser so that she won't be too out of place at the formal dance.

Tucking it into her skirt, she gives herself a once. She decides it'll do and if it's not good enough for Richard Castle's standards - she's seen the women he parades as arm-candy at events around the city and what they wear - then it's his loss.

* * *

Though she's only five minutes late, the dance seems to be already in full swing once she arrives. Music can be heard from outside the walls of the school, and she smiles despite her predicament. The kids had been looking forward to this all week and it looks like it's the success they'd anticipated. She's glad they'll all enjoy their night before the break.

She enters the party, greets some of the teachers and kids at the entrance and heads for the punch bowl, wishing it was spiked with something a little stronger than artificial fruit flavor, but she realizes she's at an elementary school dance.

The music is loud but tasteful for the age group and the gymnasium has been completely revamped and decorated for the event. The main lights are out but they have colored beams that flash around the room and disco balls that reflect it in every direction. The kids are having a blast already.

She spots Alexis dancing with her friends and the girl sees her, flashes Kate a wide smile which she reciprocates in kind, sending her a thumbs up.

"She's kind of amazing," a low, dark voice speaks next to her above the loud thrum of the music and it startles her, has her almost spilling her glass of punch as she turns sharply to see who it is who has managed to catch her unaware.

Richard Castle.

Butterflies spring to life in her stomach at the sight of him so close, the smatter of stubble along his jaw and bright blue eyes that sparkle as he glances at his daughter. He's wearing a dark suit over a navy dress shirt that accentuates his eyes and shit, she's totally staring.

The grin that covers his lips tells her he caught her too. She feels her cheeks flame in what she assumes is a deep red as she looks away, down at her hands and generally at anywhere but him.

"I'm Alexis' father, Rick," he says, holding out his hand for her to shake. She looks back at him, figures it would be rude to ignore him. Besides, she has a job to do. Grasping his hand within hers, Kate feels tingles of electricity shoot through her arm, starting from the tips of her fingers to her elbow and she pulls back quickly, startled by the intensity. He seems taken aback as well as he looks down at his hand, his brow knit in question. He recovers faster than she does however, swinging his gaze back to hers and smiling softly.

"And you must be, Miss..." he trails off waiting for her to fill the blank. Except she's drawing exactly that: a blank. On her own damn name.

"Beckett," she manages to say. "Kate," she corrects, realizing he's not a student and doesn't need to be addressing her by her surname. "Kate Beckett," she repeats, this time in order and she really wants to slap herself.

She really needs to get it together. It doesn't matter that he's even better looking than on the back of his novels or on page six, he's a womanizer and she really doesn't have room for that in her life, doesn't _want_ that.

 _Snap out of it, Kate_.

"Ah, the infamous Ms. Beckett!" he exclaims, a genuine smile curving his lips upward and if it's at all possible she thinks her skin might grow a darker shade of red. "Alexis talks about you all the time," he tells her sincerely. "It's a pleasure to meet the woman who puts smile on my daughters face every day when she comes home from school."

So maybe she was a little quick to judge, too quick to believe what the tabloids have printed about him. Or maybe he's just sweet talking her. Regardless, she can't say it isn't working, isn't sending sparks through her blood.

"I'm sure it's not all my doing," Kate says humbly. "Alexis has a lot of amazing friends here," she tells him tilting her head towards his daughter dancing away to the latest pop song with Paige and her other friends, singing along and jumping up and down to the beat.

He hums happily looking over at Alexis. "She does, yeah."

The way he looks at his daughter tells her a little more about him, about how much he cares for her, how he must be a great father. Most parents would jump at the chance to drop their kids off at school on a Friday night and enjoy some down time. But not him. He's here, along with a handful of other parents and would rather spend the night making sure his daughter is enjoying herself than be parading out on the town, which Kate realizes, he easily could have done, being a public figure and - from what she knows - a single father.

Maybe she'd truly misjudged him.

* * *

She's absolutely stunning. Alexis had never enjoyed a school year so much, always coming home happy and excited to share the new things she'd learnt during the day, raving about a certain  
Ms. Beckett. He'd never thought to ask what she might looked like. He'd had assumed she was a sweet middle aged lady with greying hair.

He'd never been so wrong in his entire life. He _so_ should not have assumed. Kate Beckett is absolutely gorgeous, her chocolate brown hair curling down her back in gentle waves he craves to run his hands through, her plump lips rosy enough to contrast the paleness of her skin, mirroring the blush of her cheeks he's noticed had appeared once he'd approached and startled her earlier. The skirt she wears clings to her endlessly long legs, her bottom-

Yeah, that is definitely not what he should be thinking about right now. He's seen some beautiful women in his life, he has to admit, but no one quite like Kate Beckett. And maybe it's because he knows the difference she's making in his daughter's life or maybe it's the fact that he's barely been able to take his eyes off her since he saw her walk through the doors of the school, but he's man enough to admit that he's a little smitten with her at the moment.

She seems a little weary of him, something he doesn't get quite often and it's throwing him off his game. He definitely wants to know more about her.

"Her friends are great," he recalls their conversation, tearing his eyes away from Alexis and her friends dancing and jumping like there's no tomorrow to look back at the stunning professor. "But I doubt they are the ones who have her raving about the merits of Shakespeare and Tolkien." He knows that's her, that she's actually taken some of her own personal time to go beyond the school's curriculum with Alexis.

"She's a very smart girl," Kate shrugs, as if this has nothing to do with her and all with Alexis. "She's doing so well in class," she goes on, "Performs above and beyond expectations and she's always begging to know more. Alexis is a pleasure to teach."

Oh wow. He sees his daughter through her eyes, sees how much this woman cares about her and it warms his heart, does all kinds of things to his insides. He's spent all of five minutes in her company but he already wants to know more, already likes her.

"Thank you for caring about her," he says honestly, hopes this woman can truly see how much it means to him, that Alexis loves her school, loves to learn and that at just twelve years old she comes home and he can have real conversations about literature with his daughter.

She's always loved reading, always loved stories, just like him and when she was nine they were already reading through the Harry Potter novels together. But Kate Beckett has enabled her to evolve, to pursue her interest in literature.

"Like I said, she's lovely to teach. Very mature for her age," Kate says and he can see she's proud of his daughter and what she's accomplished. "Though I'm not sure where she gets that last part."

Rick does a double take and stares at her, but she isn't looking at him anymore, gazing innocently at the crowd of swaying bodies dancing to the beat. Was that a dig?

He can see she's suppressing a grin, but she's just short of succeeding, the corner of her lips tugging up slightly, giving her away. She's teasing him.

"Ms. Beckett," he says in mock affront. "Are you insinuating I lack some kind of maturity?"

She turns her head to face him again, a single eyebrow arched and damn, that's hot. "Did you tell her you were chaperoning to keep the boys away from her?"

Rick sputters, nearly chokes on his punch but he recovers and manages to avoid making a mess. He doesn't miss her smile though, and it flips his stomach. She really is a breathtaking woman.

"Did Alexis tell you that?" He's surprised his daughter had revealed this to anyone but apparently Kate Beckett has her trust. "I'll have you know, my being here is not for lack of maturity, but as a protective measure." Kate laughs and she rolls her eyes. She _actually_ rolls her eyes at him and it sparks something in him. Not many women treat him this way, like he's normal, just another guy. It's refreshing and maybe even a tad sexy. "Hey, don't laugh, I know boys her own age. I _was_ one. Trust me, their intentions are far from pure."

Kate shakes her head at him, apparently unimpressed with his reasoning. "She's in good hands here and she's surrounded by her friends. They wouldn't let anyone who'd want to hurt her near," Kate refutes and... admittedly, he hadn't thought of that. "Not to mention, she's twelve. The worst that could happen at the school dance would be for someone to kiss her and run away."

His eyes go wide because first off, no one is good enough to be kissing his daughter and just- ew, no, he doesn't want to picture it either. He shudders at the thought and Kate laughs.

"I hate to break it to you, Mr. Castle, but you're terribly ill prepared for her high school years," she warns him and her lips are curved in a smile.

She's terrifying him because he knows she's right: he is in no way ready to take on the slew of high school boys which Alexis will soon have to deal with, but as long as Kate looks at him and smiles like that, he can't be too unhappy about it.

Shit, he's already thinking of her as Kate rather than Ms. Beckett.

He's in so much trouble.

* * *

 _A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts!_

 _Twitter: zoekeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	2. Chapter 2

He's actually been really sweet and it throws her off guard. She'd been expecting to have to force conversation with a relentless playboy but she's actually been enjoying their time together and she's slowly letting her guard down.

He's not at all what she expected and she thinks, maybe, her night won't be as horrible as she'd anticipated.

Kate finds Alexis in the crowd once more and realizes she's looking shyly at Jeremy, then glancing back towards her father. Oh, this is her cue to distract him isn't it?

"Would you like to do a quick tour around the school?" she asks, her gaze drifting quickly back to his. Shit, that's probably not a good idea. She's here to supervise the kids after all. His eyes light up as they meet hers in surprise but he seems pleased by the offer.

"I'd love a tour, actually," he says, accepting her offer and she wonders what she's just gotten herself into. Before she starts to panic, she reminds herself that this isn't a date-

A date? Why is she even _thinking_ about dates with him? No. There is no question of dating him.

 _Stick to the plan, Kate_.

A tour of the school his daughter attends every single day of the week. It's completely normal that he'd want to see it. Quickly, she glances around to see if any other supervisor can cover her corner of the room for a couple of minutes and she sees her best friend Lanie, also the science teacher at the school, wink at her and give her a nod of approval for her to move towards the door.

How did Lanie even know she wanted someone to cover for her so she could leave? She swears the woman can read her mind sometimes. She's not complaining though because this time, it's coming in handy.

"Come with me," she tells Castle and he can't quite believe she's leading him out of the party like two teenagers sneaking around. Kate tells herself to calm down, that they aren't leaving the dance floor to go make out in some dark corner. She's just going to show him around and give Alexis the chance to dance with the boy she likes for a few minutes. That's all.

She motions toward the door with a nod as she glances back toward Castle and he gets the idea, moving ahead of her. She glances back toward Alexis quickly and the girl looks at her with a small grin and despite the dark lighting and flashing lights, she can see her mouth a shy "thank you" at a distance. Kate smiles back and gives her another thumbs up.

She follows Castle out of the gymnasium but as soon as they round the corner he turns to her abruptly, his eyes narrowed and his arm trapping her in as he lays his palm to the wall by her face. Her heart accelerates, beating hard against the cage of her chest and she stops in her tracks so as to not bump into him. He's standing close to her, mere inches away and she can smell the subtle trace of cologne on his skin, a rich a woodsy smell that leaves her wanting more, craving to lean in and press her nose to his neck, take a deep inhale-

 _No_. No, no, no. That is entirely _not_ the plan and she cannot be thinking things like that.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," he tells her, a challenge in his voice and the air catches in her lungs when his minty breath fans against her cheeks as he speaks. She decides to call his bluff. His mind could have gone in an entirely different direction. He could have absolutely no idea, could be playing her.

"And what is it that I'm doing exactly, Mr. Castle?" She plays dumb, lets him reveal his cards in case she's right and he's clueless about the reason she took him out here.

"First off, it's Rick," he says correcting the use of his surname and she can see he's not at all unaffected by the lack of space between them because he glances down at her lips, though he only allows it last for mere seconds before he meets her eyes once more. "Second, you're distracting me so my daughter can dance with the boy she's been not so subtly staring at for the past half hour."

Crap. Her cover is totally blown and she almost feels as though she's betrayed Alexis somehow. He must see her eyes go wide at her surprise that he actually figured them out, because his eyes sparkle in delight.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he asks, the glee in his voice evident and isn't he supposed to be upset about this?

Kate sighs, figures there's no use trying to hide it anymore. "I can assure you, Jeremy is a great kid."

"I knew it," he exclaims under his breath, more concerned now, and he looks about ready to bolt right back into the gymnasium, the thrill of finding out the truth wearing off. He wants to ensure no one gets more than ten feet near his daughter. She stops him when he attempts to move past her.

"Rick," she calls as she lays her hand to his arm to halt his movement. He stops and stares down at her hand holding onto him. Maybe she can still let Alexis have her dance. "Don't ruin this for her," she tells him simply and she can see the battle he wages in his head. Whether or not to be the "cool dad" and what it might cost him if he decides to interfere.

It takes him a couple of seconds to deliberate, to come to a conclusion by which he can stand, and Kate realizes her hand is still holding on to his arm. She lets go quickly and finds that she's disappointed by the loss of warmth beneath her palm.

He looks up at her and he can see he's still a little reluctant, still unsure of his choice but he seems to make up his mind when he speaks, his body deflating a little in surrender.

"Would you still be willing to go on that tour?" He asks her sheepishly, shoving his hands in the pocket of his pants. She smiles, oddly proud of him for making this decision, letting his daughter enjoy her first dance with a boy even though it seems to be killing him, the need to protect her overbearing. She understands that, relates to it even – the sudden need to spin the kids around in bubble wrap and shelter them from the world - but Alexis is a smart girl and she has no doubt that this is a good thing. Besides, he can't save her from heartbreak, if that's what he's afraid of.

So maybe she can be a welcome distraction, as opposed to playing a part in a deceitful ruse.

"We'll start with my classroom," she says, taking a few steps away from the wall where he'd had her a little breathless a few minutes prior.

* * *

He'd seen her give Alexis a thumbs up before they left the designated area for the dance and his daughter hadn't waited too long to head over to the boy who kept glancing over in her direction. He'd realized the professor's seemingly innocent proposal to walk around the school hadn't been quite so aimless after all, really more of a ploy to keep him from seeing his daughter dancing with that boy.

He'd been intrigued to find out whether his suspicions were correct but once she'd confirmed them, he'd been less than amused. This is why he came here in the first place, to keep his baby girl safe.

Only she isn't a baby anymore, is she? She's growing up to be an incredibly smart and beautiful young woman and he's going to have to learn to deal with the fact that boys and girls might try to compete for her attention now.

It won't be easy, the decision already tearing him apart because he just doesn't want her getting hurt, but Kate reminds him that in trying to protect her from pain he might inadvertently be keeping her from joy.

He's grateful that his daughter's teacher is there to remind him of that tonight. Sometimes, actions carried out with the best of intentions still turn out to be wrong.

So he turns back to her, the woman who's held his attention all night and he decides to let her distract him. Spending the rest of the evening with her might keep him from thinking about the boys who may or may not be trying to hit on his daughter.

He realizes it's a bit more than a distraction when his stomach flutters as she accepts to take him on the tour and leads the way to her classroom.

She'd thought of Alexis, put her first, and that alone pulls at his heartstrings maybe more than it should for someone he's only known for a barely an hour but it's unfortunately not something he can help. So he follows her down the hall.

He almost wants to reach for her hand but he realizes it would be a bit inappropriate seeing as he has no idea if she's interested in him at all, if she even knows who he is. If she does, she hasn't let it affect the way she interacts with him and he's unbelievably grateful for it. It's a rare occurrence these days, talking to someone who doesn't have an agenda where his fame and wealth are concerned.

But Kate Beckett has proven to be like a breath of fresh air so far and he's nowhere near ready to let her go yet.

She stops in front of a door and turns the knob, gesturing to the now open doorway letting him know he's free to enter if he wishes.

"So, this is me," she says as if he's just walked her home and they've arrived at the foot of her home. He laughs and steps inside, his eyebrows waggling comically and she rolls her eyes once more despite the fact that she wears a smile.

"So this is where the magic happens?" he asks curiously.

"Oh, there's no witchcraft at this school, only the basics of math, English and science. I guess, they're all their own kinds of magic though, when you think about it. The magic of equations, of putting pen to paper, of chemical reactions."

"You would have made a great writer," he tells her, impressed with her words, her mind. He has a feeling this woman is full of unexpected talents.

She shrugs. "I read a lot. I'll leave the writings to those who truly know what they're doing," she says and she gives him a sidelong look before moving towards her expansive collection at the back of the class room.

So she _does_ know who he is. He files that away for a later time, doesn't linger on it; he doesn't want to talk about himself right now.

"Even for a private institution, I didn't expect there to be so many books in the classroom," he states, impressed by the multiple rows of bookshelves filled to the brink.

"Most of them aren't," she admits. "I've brought some from my personal collection here. Figured the kids would have a wider variety to choose from, especially those who are more advanced, like Alexis," she tells him and his smile widens, glancing at her before continuing to browse along the shelves.

They're silent for a moment as he lets his eyes roam across the spine of each book, sometimes nodding in approval, other times sighing at the sight of one of the classics. He stops and turns to look at her quizzically when he gets to a certain section.

"Russian Literature?" he asks picking up a novel from Tolstoy.

"Yeah, those weren't as much for the kids, but I was running out of space in my home shelves so I brought them over." Dear god, this woman might have been pulled straight from his fantasies.

"You read in Russian?" he asks as though it wasn't obvious at this point. He just needs her to confirm it.

"I did a semester abroad in Kiev," she says, oblivious to how equally impressed and turned on he is by this particular piece of information. "I fell in love with the language, and decided to learn through the literature."

He honestly didn't think she could get sexier but she continues to prove him wrong. It's not the first time he's thought of kissing her. He had seriously considered it, her lips so close when they'd exited the gymnasium and he'd stopped to question her, but this time he feels the hot burn of arousal lighting his blood like liquid fire. He realizes he doesn't know much about her, but if he'd been drawn to her when he first saw her walk through the doors, it doesn't compare to the way he feels now.

"That's really impressive, Kate," he tells her and he thinks she hears the honesty in his voice, the sincerity lacing his words. Truly, he doesn't remember the last time he's been in the company of such a remarkable woman.

She blushes a lovely shade of pink and lets her hair fall in front of her eyes to shield herself from him, cover the heat coloring her cheeks.

"Why did you decide to become a teacher? It's an honorable position, and one not many people could manage, myself included, I have to admit, but I have a feeling you're way over-qualified for this job." He's inexorably drawn to her and can't seem to help it when his feet move him forward, closer towards her, feels a thirst in his bones to know more. She rounds the corner of one of the high shelves and looks at him through the space between the planks and books.

She sighs and he realizes this might be a more personal question than he'd thought.

"My mom. She um… She was a strong believer in truth and knowledge," Kate says, her voice barely above a whisper but he hears her well enough in the solitude and tranquility of her classroom. "Always said the only way to preserve it, especially at times like these, was to have people who care about it passing it on to the next generation."

He doesn't know if the loss of her mother was something recent but he can tell she's still incredibly pained by it, suppressing tears as she tells him about her and suddenly he's too far away. He moves around the shelf and she turns away from him. He can see she isn't usually one to let her guard down like this, to wear her heart so close to her sleeve, but for some reason she's unable to hold back the silent tears in the moment. He doesn't want to invade her space, doesn't want to make her uncomfortable but he doesn't know what words to say to make this better, realizes there's really nothing he can say that will take away her pain, or bring back her mom.

He moves in closer, taking her small hand within his and giving it a light squeeze. She turns her head sharply, surprised to find him so close, but she doesn't take her hand back, doesn't pull away from him.

She meets his gaze and the clouds behind her eyes are chased away by the warmth emanating from his hand onto her skin. He feels it as acutely as he did when their hands first made contact earlier tonight as he'd presented himself to her and sparks had travelled up the length of his arm. This time is no different and it sets him on edge, fills the air with tension as she looks up from where their hands touch and into his eyes. He feels himself drifting closer, instinct pulling his body towards hers and he doesn't miss the way her eyes dart down to his lips for a fraction of a second, the emerald green turning the color of a pine forest perforated by splashes of gold along her iris.

He's so close he can feel her breath across his lips, their noses almost touching in a kiss but then his cell phone buzzes in his pocket and it breaks the trance, has her jolting back from him as if burned by a searing flame. He curses whoever deemed it a good time to try and contact him and his eyes shut, the moment gone and her with it. He takes his phone from his back pocket, wouldn't bother to check, but he's worried it might be Alexis so he takes a look just in case.

It's not Alexis. It's Gina, his publisher, inviting him to a late evening soiree downtown. He scowls and puts his phone back in his pocket, not bothering to answer.

He looks back up at Kate who has put a respectable amount of distance between them and he looks up at her sheepishly.

"Sorry about that," he says, not knowing what else he's supposed say, how to go back to where they were an instant ago. He wants to kiss her.

"Not a problem," she tells him, her voice a little breathy and it feels like there are miles between them now. "Want to see the staff room?" She asks and she seems a little desperate to leave the class, her posture already angled towards the nearest exit.

"Sure." He doesn't really mind, is actually kind of relieved that she still wants to go anywhere with him. Maybe she wouldn't mind kissing him either?

He follows her out and waits for her to make the first move, doesn't want to frighten her or pressure her into anything.

"Do you read with Alexis at home?" Her question ends the slightly awkward silence as they make their way across the hall and he's glad for it.

"Every night before bed," he tells her proudly, every minute he spends with Alexis a fond memory he holds onto for as long as possible.

"You're a good dad," she assures him and it breaks something open within him, cleaves his chest open and leaves him aching. He's not entirely sure why but this woman has him wanting to spill all his secrets. He already feels safe enough with her to share his insecurities.

"I try to be," he admits with a smile. "It's not always easy, doing it alone." He pauses and he can she sees listening to him intently, her eyes concerned but not filled with pity, only understanding. "Sometimes I feel like I'm failing her, like I'm not enough, you know?"

She stops and this time, she's the one to reach for his hand and give it a gentle squeeze, a gesture that speaks for itself in saying "It'll be okay."

"You are enough," she insists, her voice sure. "She's one of the happiest kids in school and in the top performers. It's an important balance and you give her that, you make it possible." Her words are like a balm and he's stricken by the urge to hug her, to pull her close and thank her. He isn't sure they're there yet though, so he settles for expressing his gratitude through his words.

"Thanks, Kate. That really… thanks." He can't even string a proper sentence together, but he hopes she can read the sincerity, see how much her words mean to him. Her serious expression turns into a smile and he sees the opportunity there again. All he'd have to do is take a few steps forward, lean in a little closer and their lips would meet. He sees the desire in her eyes but also the slight panic as she overthinks, and she turns her head, ending the moment, taking the opportunity with her.

"So this is where we get our crappy coffee," she moves into the staffroom and turns, leans back against the table in the middle of the room as she turns toward him, granting him the liberty to look around as he pleases.

"No fancy espresso machine?" He asks, arching a brow, clearly surprised when she shakes her head. "I would have thought it a necessity for teachers who have to deal with kids all day."

"Oh it is, only we put up with the cheap stuff," she scrunches her nose in distaste and points to an old coffee machine beside the fridge.

"That has to be a crime of some sort," Rick tells her very seriously, eyeing the machine which he can only imagine makes about as good a coffee as that no-name instant powder stuff. He mentally makes a note to look into something of better quality for the teaching staff of his daughter's school. They deserve a lot better than whatever stuff they're getting from that machine.

There's a loud clattering noise from outside the room and he sees Kate bristle, automatically turning into teacher mode and she heads straight for the door to see what's caused the commotion.

They see two boys running and laughing from one of the supply closets and they leave the door open as they make their not-so-subtle getaway. Kate rolls her eyes and looks at him as if to reinforce that this is the kind of stuff they have to deal with while running on cheap coffee.

She moves towards the closet to see if anything has been taken or moved out of place and Rick follows her after closing the door to the staffroom. She enters the small space where they keep some of their office and teaching supplies and Rick gets curious, wants to see what kinds of things they keep in there. Maybe a belt to scare the kids into doing their homework?

He doesn't realize how close he's gotten until she turns around and suddenly their noses are millimeters apart and he feels his heart squeeze in his chest.

* * *

Oh shit.

He's really close. Like, really, really close and she realizes she isn't using proper grammar but she can barely breathe, hardly think, not with his nose nearly touching hers and his lips so close, the heat radiating off his body crashing into her in waves. The tension is back tenfold and she's not sure how they've come close to kissing three times in the span of a single night after having only just met but apparently Richard Castle has the ability to bulldoze right through her boundaries and walls in a matter of hours.

And she's done resisting.

She leans in, eradicating the last bit of distance between them and sealing her lips to his in a tentative kiss. He doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, one of his arms banding around her waist and the other sliding in her hair. It's gentle at first, his lips moving languidly against hers and a little shy but he gains confidence when her hands move up to hold him to her and she slips her fingers in the short hairs at his nape. He gets bolder, tilting her head towards him, getting better access as he traces his tongue along the seam of her lips silently asking for the access she grants without a second thought, opening up to him immediately. Her insides are lined with fire as he sweeps his tongue over hers, one of his hands coming up to splay along the rings of her ribs, her side, and it sends tremors up her spine.

Her mind feels at once like it's fizzling yet numb and she has absolutely no say over the sound that leaves her lips when he pulls her lower body in closer, the friction sparking lights behind her eyes. His hands roam, his body pushing into hers until her back hits the wall and suddenly there's a loud clatter as something tumbles from one of the shelves in the closet and it washes through her like a bucket of ice water, propels her back into reality and she pulls away sharply, needing to put space between their bodies.

 _What the hell is she thinking_?

A few hours and she's making out with Richard Castle at the school dance in a supply closet? No, she can't-

She's too damaged and he's in the public eye, this isn't… It would never work. And Alexis. Oh god, the last thing she wants is for Alexis to get hurt. They can't.

She takes several more steps back, escaping while she can, leaving him there in the closet. "Kate," he calls after her, but she's already half a dozen steps ahead of him down the hall, still moving in the opposite direction when he manages to make it out of the small storage space.

"Kate, wait." He's moving towards her and part of her wants to let him stop her and hear him out because this man has been nothing like she'd expected since the moment he began talking to her at this elementary dance.

"Dad?" a voice she recognizes very well calls down the hall towards them. Alexis. She's rubbing at her eyes, exhausted, it would seem, from all the dancing and jumping. "Can we go home? I have homework to do tomorrow and I'm really tired." Alexis is wise beyond her years, but she'd only twelve and the tension between Kate and her father seems to elude her. Kate takes in a grateful breath.

Castle switches into father mode immediately at the sound of Alexis' voice, reaches for his daughter, holding out his arms and she falls into them easily, wrapping herself around him. Her heart melts a little at the sight. "Yeah, Pumpkin. We can go home. Want to say bye to Ms. Beckett?"

Alexis turns to look at her, a wide smile splayed against her lips and Kate can't help but reciprocate. "Night, Ms. Beckett. I'm glad you came to the dance."

Kate winks at her, lets the girl believe that their secret mission worked and they are still undercover. She doesn't need to know Castle already figured them out. "I'm glad I was here too, Alexis. Have a good spring break. Have some fun okay?"

"I will! And I'll also work on our spelling assignment."

"I know you will," Kate tells her fondly. She has no doubt Alexis will be doing schoolwork over the break. She just hopes she'll take time to relax and be a kid too.

"I hope we'll see you again, Kate." Rick tells her and her cheeks flame.

"You called her Kate," Alexis giggles, letting her tiredness get the best of her. "Everyone always calls her Ms. Beckett."

"I'm allowed because she isn't my teacher," Castle ruffles her hair and Alexis ducks, tries to get away from him. "Dad, I'm not four!"

Kate can't help but laugh, seeing the two of them interact this way and when Castle looks up to meet her gaze, his smile wide, there's something more in his eyes. She'd managed to forget about the kiss in the storage closet for about thirty seconds but the way he looks at her brings her right back to that exact moment and desire flares hot in her abdomen.

Damn it, he isn't supposed to have that kind of effect on her. But her body betrays her mind, yearning for something she knows can't be good. She needs to leave before she does anything stupid.

"Goodnight you two. I'll see you in a week, Alexis," she says as she begins walking away.

"Bye, Ms. Beckett," she hears Alexis' tired voice call out.

She's almost out the door but she hears his voice one last time before she leaves. "Until next time, Kate." His voice is soft but sure, almost like a promise.

She's not sure what he means by it and she curses the butterflies that flutter awake at his words. She has a feeling she hasn't seen the last of Richard Castle.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Wow, you guys! I've been completely overwhelmed by the positive response to this story! You are all wonderful and make writing for this fandom worth it! Thank you all for your amazing support; I'd love to know what you think of this one.**_  
 _ **\- Zoe**_

 _Twitter: zoekeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Just to let you guys know, I plan to update this once a week at the very least, maybe twice if I get a lot of writing done! Thank you so much for all your kind words, I can't tell you how much it means to me.**_

* * *

It's been a week and she's a little upset she's still thinking about it, about him.

Richard Castle and that damn kiss. She's blaming it on too much free time which meant time to think and more precisely, _overthink_ , which she hopes the return of school and teaching will help dissolve.

She can't feign being drunk, there was absolutely no alcohol in that punch, and she can't say she was taken by surprise either, not when she knew he would be there and that she'd have to interact with him in light of her promise to Alexis. No, this was all her. She'd let her guard down, let him get past her walls despite her initial reservations about him.

Truth be told, he was nothing like she'd expected. There'd been something between them, a pull she hadn't anticipated and he seemed to have felt it too.

It doesn't matter, though. It can't. It's over now anyway. The kiss was a one-time thing, a fluke and despite his parting words she doubts she'll see him ever again. She'd never met him before that night even while having Alexis in her class, she doesn't see under what circumstances their paths could possibly cross again.

He's a best-selling novelist and she's an elementary school teacher. They don't fit in each other's lives. In any case, they are most probably both better off going their separate ways.

And _why_ is she still thinking about it?

He's probably forgotten all about her. He's had a week to party and attend events with other celebrities and super models. Surely, the kiss they shared was nothing memorable for him.

Kate shakes her head at herself. She needs to focus on something else. Like the English and Literature class she's supposed to be teaching in twenty minutes.

She's already finished her first coffee though, and she'll need a second before the class begins. The kids will most probably still be on vacation mode and she's under no illusions it will be easy to keep their attention focused on class material for over an hour.

Coffee will definitely be a must.

She leaves her classroom and heads for the kitchen break room, already dreading the sludge their ancient machine produces, but it still boosts her body with caffeine and does the trick.

When she gets there though, there's a bit of a crowd around the door, her fellow teaching colleagues whispering excitedly, all with wide smiles.

She can't see what the commotion is about, the crowd of bodies blocking her view through the door, but she spots Lanie leaning against the doorway. She squeezes herself between two other professors and makes her way to her best friend.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kate asks curiously.

"Coffee line up," Lanie explains, though it only has Kate's brow knitting in confusion. Since when are people lining up for their crappy coffee? "For the new espresso machine," her friend clarifies.

"New espresso machine?" Kate asks. There wasn't any notice that the school would be purchasing a new machine. Why would they do that anyway? "Where did they find the money in the budget for an espresso machine? And that money should be going towards the kids, their supplies and -"

She starts protesting, what she seems to be the only one to consider a poor choice of investment, immediately, but Lanie cuts her off. "It wasn't taken from the school budget."

"Well, where did it come from then?" she asks, a little perplexed and ready to question this claim if it was made by the school's administration.

"Him," Lanie says, tilting her head towards the inside of the break room and Kate eyes cut to the "him" in question. And that's when she notices Richard Castle, shaking hands with other teachers who thank him profusely for his generous donation. His eyes never focus on anyone for too long though, constantly looking around the room as if searching for something. Until his gaze meets hers.

Heat floods her system as their eyes lock and she raises an eyebrow at him in question. He shrugs and lifts his right hand holding a fancy cup she assumes is filled with the rich foamy substance his espresso machine just produced. His smile is wide, genuine and though the room is filled with a good twenty other people, it feels like it's reserved just for her. It has flutters of both excitement and panic erupting inside her, because he isn't supposed to care.

This is about the moment they shared at the dance, she's sure of it. She'd shown him the staff room, made a flippant comment about the coffee being less than adequate and he'd remembered. He'd remembered and bought a new machine for the whole staff.

It's sweet. He's sweet.

Damn it, she can't be thinking this way. He's Alexis' father.

She breaks away from his gaze, turning on her heels because she can't think as well when he's staring at her like that. Like he's happy to see her. Like this is about more than just a coffee machine.

"The lineup is a little long," she tells Lanie, a feeble excuse as she moves away from the staff break room. "I don't want to be late for class." Her best friend narrows her eyes at her and she has a feeling Ms. Parish sees right through her, as she always does; knows that her excuse is nothing short of an escape. Kate is grateful she lets her go, though she's certain the conversation will come up at some point.

She'll deal with it then. Right now, she can't even explain it to herself. Why does he care? He's rich and famous for heaven's sake, he made the list as one of New York's most eligible bachelors. He could have anyone he wants.

Why is he here bringing her coffee?

She's probably reading too much into it. Maybe this isn't about her. Maybe he thought bringing the coffee machine would make the entirety of the school's staff happy, and if they're happy, then the kids are most likely happy. He wants Alexis to be happy in school, that's all.

It's what she chooses to believe as she returns to her class and prepares for her first lecture of the day. She spots Alexis talking and laughing with her friends and for some reason it calms her. Above anything else, Kate doesn't want her getting hurt.

She hasn't had her usual morning coffee but she starts the class anyways.

* * *

She has a break after her first period as the kids take their science class with Ms. Parish in the labs. They aren't very old, so they don't do much of the experimenting themselves but they are easily impressed by the chemical reactions Lanie shows them as they learn about the scientific method.

Kate stays in her class, takes advantage of the silence to adjust the curriculum plan for the following weeks. The sudden knock on the door startles her but it's when she looks up to see who's standing there that her heart rate picks up a significant amount of speed.

"Thought you might like a coffee since you skipped out this morning," he tells her as he enters the class and sets down what she assumes is a cup of espresso on her desk.

And oh, it smells so good. She's considered not having any as a form of resistance to his showing up here but damn it, she's weak.

He doesn't need to know that though.

"You're buying coffee for the school now?" she asks in challenge.

"It was brought to my attention that the hard working teachers of my daughters teaching establishment had to put up with some pretty gross stuff. I may have had one particular English teacher in mind, but I figured there was no harm in letting others reap the benefits as well."

Kate rolls her eyes. "That's awfully generous of you. I'm sure the staff will be thanking you for the rest of the school year." She knows she's being a bit difficult, that she should probably thank him, but it's easier this way. He'll see soon enough she isn't worth the effort and go back to dating models and as she's recently seen in the paper, maybe even his publisher.

The espresso calls to her though, the smell reaching her as the cup sits on her desk, her mouth salivating reflexively, craving the dark brew.

She curses her caffeine addiction and reaches for the cup, brings it up to her lips, takes a small sip and she can't help but hum as the rich flavor hits her tongue.

Realizing she's let her eyes slip shut, she opens them again in time to see his staring back at her, a hungry look claiming his gaze. She's seen that look before, succumbed to it, in a storage closet no less and no, _no_ , that won't be happening again.

"Shouldn't you be writing a book or something?"

He shrugs, unaffected by her harsh words and clear dismissal. "I'd much rather be here." He pulls up a chair next to her desk and Kate glares at him.

"Why?"

"How was your week off?" He asks, disregarding her question altogether.

"Fine." Maybe single word answers will dissuade him.

"What did you do?"

"Why do you care?" She asks incredulously.

"Just curious."

"You brought an espresso machine to the school to ask me what I did during my break?"

"No, I brought an espresso machine to the school hoping to see you smile but that hasn't worked out for me so far. So I'm asking about your break."

His words stun her, leave her gaping and at a complete loss. There is no trace of malice in his voice, only truth and revelation. He isn't angry with her, though he probably should be. She's done nothing but run and push him away since he got to the school this morning.

He'd done something sweet in the hopes of brightening her day a little and she's been an ungrateful bitch about it.

This is exactly why he needs to leave. She isn't good for anyone, not right now, not while she's still so damaged.

Sighing, and running a hand through her hair, she looks at him apologetically. "Rick, I'm not in a good place for a relationship right now. I'm going to hurt you and ... it'll hurt Alexis in the process. I can't do that to either of you. I'm just… not good for anyone." This is the longest she's held his gaze since he got here and this time, it isn't filled with hunger and want but with something much lighter, something more.

"I can't say I agree," he states simply. "You're the one responsible for the smile my daughter wears every day when she comes home a little later from school after a reading session with you. You're the one who's helped her find something she's passionate about and you've given her the opportunity to tap into that passion." She wasn't expecting this kind of sincerity from him, but then again, he's been proving her expectations wrong since the moment they met. Her eyes cut down to the desk. What does she answer to that?

Sure, she's managed to make Alexis happy, but she's her student. It's nothing like with him. But he answers that question before she even has the chance to ask him.

"And I have to say, I had an absolutely lovely time with you last week. Can't quite remember the last time I had such a great night out that didn't involve Alexis."

She's waiting for the "but", the moment he'll realize she isn't all he made her out to be. She's proved as much with the way she's treated him this morning. It never comes, however, and he waits her out.

"I-"

She's cut off by the bell, the cliché not lost on either of them. He smiles at her, apparently undeterred by her lack of response and raises his shoulders in a shrug. "Guess you were saved by the bell this time, professor."

He starts making his way backward and for some reason, each step back tugs at her heart. She isn't sure where the feeling comes from but she doesn't want him to leave.

Before she can start to protest, to tell him to sit back down, the kids start entering the classroom and the moment is lost.

He gives her one last smile and a simple wave of his hand before he disappears behind the door.

She lets herself fall back into her chair and allows her eyes to drift shut for a brief second. Two meetings and he has her all kinds of flustered. This is not good.

Bringing the espresso cup to her lips, she thinks of the last thing he said to her and wonders what exactly he meant by "this time."

* * *

By the time lunch rolls around, she's positively exhausted. The kids have been rowdy, loud, bouncing out of their chairs and she thinks she might actually take their afternoon classes outside so they can move a little.

She sticks her slice of leftover pizza from home in the microwave and she's ready to head back to her class room for some well-deserved down time, only she hadn't counted on her best friend interrupting her.

"So what was that all about earlier?" Lanie asks, suddenly right at her side and how did she not see her walk up?

"What was what?" Kate asks innocently, hoping if she plays dumb Lanie might let it go. She realizes any chance of that happening is more than slim but hey, a girl can dream.

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." She's not wrong.

"You couldn't get out of here fast enough as soon as you laid eyes on writer boy and that espresso machine." Damn it, she knew this wouldn't be anything good. "And if I remember correctly, you two sneaked out of the dance last week."

"Lanie, we didn't 'sneak out' from the dance," she air-quotes to correct her friend's word choice. No. It wasn't like that. Wasn't like they were horny teenagers leaving the dance to steal a moment alone in the school halls.

Lanie gives her a skeptical look and Kate glares. "I was distracting him for Alexis and I just went to show him a couple of things around the school. That's all." Except it wasn't. There was no way she'd tell Lanie anything more though.

"Oh, I'm sure you provided _quite_ the distraction," Lanie smirks and she rolls her eyes. "Please, you think I believed for a second that he brought that espresso machine for anyone but you? I watched him the whole time - he's easy on the eyes by the way - and he was distracted until he saw you. He was looking around for you."

Kate's heart clenches in her chest for a beat despite how he practically told her himself only a couple of hours ago.

Sighing and bracing her hands on the counter she takes a deep breath, her eyes closing. "Lanie, he's Alexis' dad."

"So?"

" _So_ , nothing can happen between us."

"Do you _want_ something to happen?"

"No," it comes out uncertain, almost a question and Kate curses herself immediately. "No, it can't. I don't want Alexis getting hurt."

"Why would Alexis get hurt?"

"Because, it won't work, Lanie. He's a public figure and I'm just... I'm too damaged to be with anyone."

"We're all a little damaged, Kate. Some maybe more than others but... She'd want you to be happy, you know. Your Dad too."

Kate scoffs. Her Dad can't stay sober for more than a day now that her mom is gone. It's been years and her Dad hasn't put down the bottle. Her life mostly revolves around taking care of him, checking up on him and making sure he hasn't drunk himself into a coma.

She's lost one parent and though it often feels like she lost both, she knows her dad is still here, she can still save him; she refuses to lose her dad to the bottle. The hope that one day he'll decide to turn his life around keeps her going most days. Being with someone would get in the way and she can't expect anyone to understand why she spends so much time taking care of her father. She can't have Alexis be involved either, doesn't want her to get hurt if one day she stops showing up because things with Jim get too complicated.

"I can't, Lanie."

Her friend seems to read the finality of the statement in her eyes because she gives her a solemn nod. She thinks Lanie is about to let it go, that she'll be able to retreat to her classroom for that downtime she'd been craving but it's not like her friend to let her leave without having the last word.

"One day, I hope you'll let yourself be happy. I just don't want you to wake up someday and think 'if only.'"

Lanie's words leave Kate at a loss for what to say, though she doesn't have time to respond before her friend squeezes her shoulder in quiet comfort and turns to leave the lunch room.

She's taking care of her father. He's her responsibility and she can't let him down, not when she knows that if he dies and she wasn't doing everything in her power to prevent it, she'll never forgive herself. But she also knows Lanie is right about one thing: her mother wouldn't want her to be miserable.

Is she going to wake up one day and think "if only?"

It unsettles her. What kind of person knowingly lets life pass them by? Is this what she's doing, what taking care of her father is doing to her?

This is about more than just Richard Castle and his interest in her. It's about her and how she decides to live her life. She has some reflecting to do before she lets anything happen (again) between her and Castle. She's not about to take advantage of him or put his daughter in the crosshairs.

Kate takes the leftover pizza from the microwave and heads toward her classroom, thinking she may need to pay Dr. Burke a visit to help her sort some things through.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, during her spare period between lunch and fourth, she decides to get a head start on her corrections. She knows how fast those pile up and if she doesn't begin tackling it now, it'll come back to bite her in the ass in a couple of weeks. Not to mention, she needs to keep making good use of her spares seeing as she spends a good portion of her nights looking after her dad.

She hasn't even gotten through half of her pile when she gets a text message from Lanie.

 _You might want to walk by the supply closet on your floor._

The mention of a supply closet sends a wave of heat pulsing through her and _why_ is Lanie texting her this? There's no way she knows about what happened there during the dance, no one was around, no one saw, she's sure.

If she doesn't know, then why would she text Kate to go? Her mind is running a mile a minute trying to piece it together and she ends up pushing up from her chair and walking towards the door of her classroom. She'll just go so she can put it out of her mind and get back to corrections.

When she gets to the hall, she notices the door to the supply closet is open and she continues to make her way towards it until someone walks out and her heart jumps in her chest as she takes in the familiar build of the man she's been thinking about for days.

Damn it.

He turns his head in her direction, sensing someone approaching and does a double take as he realizes it's her.

"Ms. Beckett, fancy seeing you here again," he greets, a single eyebrow raising suggestively, and by "here" she knows he doesn't mean the school in general, but this very particular location: the supply closet.

"Rick, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just came by to replace some items I noticed were broken. A couple of staplers looked like they fell from one of the shelves, so I thought I'd spare the administration some trouble and bring over some new ones myself."

Staplers. From the shelf. How did he know staplers had been broken? She looks at him quizzically until it hits her square in the chest.

Shit.

It was during their kiss. Something had fallen from the shelf when things had gotten heated in the closet and he'd pushed her against the wall.

And he'd come to replace the damn staplers.

"You can't just keep showing up here," she tells him on a sigh, glancing from one end of the hall to the other to make sure they're alone.

"Why not?" He asks innocently, even though they both know he's well aware of why this can't keep happening.

"Because people will start asking questions," she states simply.

"Questions about what?" Apparently, not simple enough. She knows he's playing dumb, that he wants her to spell it out for him.

"Questions about why you're here, why you keep showing up."

They both know full well why he keeps showing up. Alexis has been attending this school for over three years and he's never made a habit of dropping by. This new development has everything to do with what happened at the dance.

"How about this," he starts like he's about to propose a deal and she rolls her eyes. This cannot be good. "Alexis and I were planning to go for ice cream after school. If you join us, I'll stop showing up here."

Ice cream. He wants her to go for ice cream with him and Alexis. It's not at all what she expected, not an ambush for a date and something she could easily get out of after half an hour if need be.

When she doesn't answer, he starts to backtrack, once again surprising her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to corner you like that. You don't-"

"I'll go for ice cream," she has no idea where the words come from and why she accepted the offer when he was clearly about to give her an out. What is she doing?

"Really?" He asks, joy chasing the solemn look from his eyes as he glances up at her, pleasantly surprised by her answer.

"Only if Alexis is okay with it," she clarifies because she is her teacher after all and if she isn't comfortable with it, then Kate won't disrespect that.

He smiles and the look in his eyes tells her he doesn't mind that condition at all, in fact, he seems to be quite happy with it.

"She'll be thrilled," he assures her, rubbing his hands together in excitement. Kate can't help the way the corner of her mouth tugs into a smile, his glee a tad infectious.

"So I'll see you after school then?" She asks, her eyebrows raising, indicating that this is his cue to leave if he wants to come back.

With his back towards the school's entrance he begins walking backward, his eyes never leaving hers. "See you soon professor."

And with that, he's out the door. She rolls her eyes and begins making her way back to her classroom to finish up those corrections before her spare is over, but the smile never leaves her lips.

* * *

Alexis is back in her class during fourth period and when the class is dismissed she's quick to grab the girl's attention before she leaves.

"Alexis?" She looks back at the call of her name and heads over to Kate's desk, a worried look in her eyes.

"Did I do something wrong, Ms. Beckett?"

"No, of course not," Kate reassures her quickly. The tension instantly drains from her shoulders, relief of not being in any kind of trouble (though really, she had no reason to be worried in the first place) setting her at ease. "I just wanted to ask you something before your last period. Do you want to sit down for a second?"

She takes a seat in the chair next to Kate's desk and waits for what she has to say. This is her cue, and damn it, it shouldn't be so hard. It's not like she's asking permission to go on a date with her father. She's asking if she can tag along for ice cream with the both of them.

Though for some reason, it feels like more.

"I ran into your Dad this afternoon and he mentioned you two were going for ice cream after school, today," she begins, trying to gauge the girl's reaction and so far she only smiles and nods at the mention of her and her father's plans. "He asked me if I would like to join you but I didn't want to overstep. If you don't feel comfortable with having me there, I understand."

Alexis' eyes light up just like her father's had, the resemblance undeniable and Kate catches herself smiling slightly.

"You'd come with us?" she asks, her voice giddy.

"Only if you want me to."

"Yes! I'd love for you to come with us!" The excitement in her voice is palpable and it has Kate's smile extending. She had no idea she'd be making Alexis so happy.

"Alright so we'll meet up after school then?" Kate confirms and Alexis' enthusiastic nod makes her laugh. If she can make this girl happy, at least she'll have done something right in her day.

Alexis heads for the door of the classroom with a spring in her step and it has Kate shaking her head as she looks back down to her desk. What she wouldn't give to have that kind of innocence back, the need for so little in order to find herself happy.

"Oh, and Ms. Beckett?"

Kate's head lifts to meet Alexis' gaze once more and this time her eyes are a little shy. "Thanks for asking me how I felt about it. Not many people do," she tells her and Kate can see this bothers her. She's seen first-hand how people have tried to use Alexis to get to her father; it must leave her feeling so betrayed and definitely used. It has to be damaging, difficult to trust and let people in after being used as bait so many times. She vows to never do such a thing, never to make Alexis feel that way.

"Any time," Kate tells her sincerely. Alexis smiles and continues out the door.

She has a fierce urge to protect her, to shield her from the harm of others, though she knows it's impossible. But speaking of protecting, she should call her father to let him know she'll be over a little later tonight.

Kate grabs her phone and presses the first number on her speed dial. When her father doesn't pick up after a few rings, the panic starts to slowly set in, images of him passed out on the sofa clouding her mind, but the line finally connects and she deflates in her seat at the sound of his voice.

"Katie?" It doesn't sound too slurred, but he seems a little out of breath.

"Hey dad, everything okay?" she asks, concerned about why he sounds slightly winded.

"Oh, yeah fine. I was doing some work around the apartment. Cleaning up some stuff and I left my phone in my room. I had to rush over to catch your call."

Relief floods through her and a pesky feeling of hope fills her at the mention of him cleaning. He hasn't done much housework lately, usually only sticks to sporting a bottle of hard liquor and the couch. She should know better than to get her hopes up but she can't seem to help it. She needs to believe this time will be different.

"That's good, Dad," she encourages in a way she hopes doesn't sound patronizing. "Listen, I just wanted to let you know I'll be by only a little later tonight."

"Oh, any big plans?" his voice is teasing and she can't help but notice how good he sounds. It's happened before, on rare occasions, that he's sobered up for a few days. Only it never lasts. But... maybe this time.

"Just grabbing a bite to eat with some friends," she tells him, though it's not exactly accurate.

"Alright," he says in a tone that tells her he won't push her for more information tonight, though he suspects there might be more to it. "Have fun, Katie."

"Thanks, Dad."

"You know you don't have to pass by tonight if you don't have time. I've got things under control here."

She wants to believe him, she really does. But he hasn't been an excellent judge of what it means to be "in control" lately, so yeah, she does have to go.

"I'll be by later, Dad, it's not a problem." She just wants to make sure he's okay.

"I'll see you in a bit, then."

"Bye, Dad."

"Bye, Katie."

The line goes dead and she takes the phone away from her ear. That went well; much better than she'd anticipated, in fact.

Hopefully this time it lasts.

* * *

The final bell rings, indicating the end of classes for the day and a nervous flutter makes itself known in the pit of her stomach. She tries her best to tamper it but doesn't quite succeed and she knows it's because of her promised plans to go for ice cream with a certain writer and his daughter.

She reminds herself this isn't a date, that nothing will happen between them and he isn't trapping her, Alexis will be there the whole time. It's really not that big of a deal.

Grabbing the light jacket from the back of her chair and her wallet and keys, she locks the classroom behind her as she exits and makes her way to the front of the school. As she passes through the double doors of the familiar establishment, she spots them easily. Rick is teasing Alexis about something and she glares at him but even from a distance, Kate can see she's also laughing.

She walks over to them, and Rick notices her first, waves as she approaches causing Alexis to turn around quickly, a wide smile across her lips.

"Ms. Beckett, you came!" Alexis says excitedly and Kate can read the hidden layer of insecurity in the exclamation, the way she might have been let down more than a handful of times by adults she trusted.

"Of course, I came. I told you I would, didn't I?"

Alexis blushes, but that's not at all what Kate wants, didn't mean to embarrass her about her need for reassurance.

"Hey," Kate cups the girls shoulder and Alexis looks up, her eyes a little shy. "If I tell you I'll be there, I'll always do my very best to make sure I keep that promise, okay?"

Alexis nods, a smile tugging at her lips as she reads the sincerity in Kate's words. She wants Alexis to know she can trust her.

Looking up, Kate finds Rick looking at the both of them fondly, his eyes going soft. Their eyes meet and she can read the intended "thank you" in his gaze. She answers him with a smile and aims to lighten the mood. "I believe I was promised some ice cream?"

Both of them pipe up at the mention of the frozen treat and Kate can't help but laugh, Rick's reaction is as eager as a child.

They walk and finally settle for Ben & Jerry's after a heated debate about which ice cream holds the title of being the best in the city. They don't come to an agreeable conclusion, but they figure Ben & Jerry's have enough flavors to satisfy each of them.

"At least I'm sure we can agree that Chunky Monkey is the best flavor here," Castle declares as the bell rings over their head once they pass through the door.

"But Dad, what about The Tonight Dough? You love Jimmy Fallon and it has just a bit of everything: chocolate chips, caramel, raw cookie dough and chocolate cookie swirl. It's perfect. You have to admit it," Alexis is firm in her affirmation and Castle groans, debates whether or not to agree with her point and give it the winning title.

"I have to say," Kate interjects before he makes a decision. "I'm partial to Cherry Garcia. Not much can beat that in my book."

Castle rakes a hand through his hair as though he's making one of the most difficult decisions of his life and Kate laughs.

"Rick, you don't have to decide which one is the best, today. Just get whatever you're in the mood for," she reasons, hoping to alleviate apparently ridiculously stressful decision.

"But today is special," he counters. "You're here and I want to associate this memory with the best ice cream flavor there is. It has to be perfect."

It's a sweet thought, one she wasn't expecting in the slightest. She never would have made the connection that his desire for the very best ice cream flavor was somehow correlated with her being here. But it's sweet and though she knows she shouldn't be making any promises, she can't seem to help the next words from leaving her mouth.

"Well, then I guess I'll just have to come again if the flavor isn't right."

His eyes brighten and he smiles at her, delighted that she played into his overly dramatized decision-making. Kate smiles but looks over at Alexis as she shakes her head at him. The girl laughs and the teenager behind the counter walks up to them, ready to take their orders.

"Have you guys decided what flavor you'd like?"

"I'll have a small cup of Cherry Garcia, please," Kate orders first, because she's definitely not as tortured as Rick seems to be about this decision. They each end up picking their original flavor and Alexis offers to split hers with her Dad so he can have some of both.

She knows it's all for show, that he cares about the ice cream flavors but he doesn't truly care quite as much as he's pretending to. The way Alexis buys into it, though, laughs and offers to share her own, is endearing and she gets the feeling that as long as he can make his little girl happy, he doesn't really care how ridiculous he looks or sounds.

It's a side of him she hadn't imagined, hadn't been prepared for and it has an unexpected warmth spreading through her.

Once they settle outside on one of the benches, Kate decides to steer the conversation towards something other than ice cream.

"So Alexis, any cool projects in science class?"

"Yeah! Ms. Parish is teaching us a bit about chemical reactions. She told us next week we'd get to see a simulation of a volcanic explosion."

"That is so cool," Castle says, in awe and Alexis rolls her eyes.

"It's not as if it's a real volcano, Dad. It's just a small chemical reaction. I think the stuff we're doing in Ms. Beckett' class is much cooler, actually."

"You don't have to say that, Alexis."

"No, really!" she insists. "I'm learning so much. She gives us fake swords and has us reenact some of Shakespeare's plays. Not with the original texts but at least we can understand what's going on." Kate hates that she blushes at Alexis' praise only because she knows exactly why her body is reacting this way. Rick makes her nervous for some reason and his daughter is unknowingly putting her on the spot.

"You guys have sword fights in English class?" Rick asks, unbelieving.

Kate shrugs in affirmation. "The boys get to channel some of their excess energy and it's usually good to learn in a way that's dynamic," she explains but the look on his face tells her she doesn't need to go on.

"That is _awesome_!" He exclaims and Alexis nods in agreement. "Man, I wish you'd been my teacher," he says and Kate snorts because... well coming from him it sounds a little kinky.

He raises a brow at her suggestively, letting her know he knows exactly where her mind went and she glares back.

The conversation flows effortlessly between them, ranging from school, to Alexis' Gram, to Rick making clever jokes and Kate can feel the day's tension draining from her shoulders. It's easy to be here with them, to forget about all her worries for a little while and just live in this moment. She wishes it was the kind of normal she could get used to.

* * *

 ** _A/N: I can't tell you how much it means to me that you all are enjoying this story! Thank you for all your kind words!_**  
 ** _\- Zoe_**

 _Twitter: zoekeller_  
 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	5. Chapter 5

It's a lot later than she thought it would be by the time she finally makes her way to her Dad's apartment. She'd lost track of time while she'd been with the Castle's, enjoying the end of her day far more than she'd expected and craving the kind of normality she'd just gotten a taste of, one that would have her anticipating going home from work every night and spending days at home on the weekends. But it doesn't seem like those are the kind of cards the future holds for her.

She never expected to feel this way after an impromptu invitation to get ice cream. It's a stange reaction to have after only having met Rick a bit over a week ago. He's just... nothing like she imagined. His days revolve around making his daughter happy, making sure she knows she's loved. He surprises her in a way that has her wanting to know more about him.

She doesn't know if that's possible for her, but she doesn't let it take away from the wonderful afternoon all three of them spent together. If anything, she'll hold it close to her heart, a memory to call upon when nights are a little too lonely.

Kate smiles as she exits the car and enters her father's building, the doorman greeting her with a familiar nod. Everyone knows her here. It's not strange seeing as she's in the establishment once, sometimes twice every day.

As she rides the elevator up to his floor, Kate feels almost like a little girl, giddy and maybe a tad excited to talk to her dad about her nice afternoon. They often run out of things to say that don't have to do with her job at the school. Kate doesn't have much of a social life; her days mostly revolve either around work or taking care of him. It's been that way for the past few years.

And when they aren't talking about that, they're usually fighting about his inability to quit drinking. She tries to be understanding, knows her father lost the love of his life and is now dealing with depression, on top of alcoholism, but sometimes it's all a little too much and she can't help insisting that he should just _try_.

That particular suggestion never goes over well.

Sometimes he cries; insists he's ruined both their lives, that she'd be better off without him. She comforts him, insists that isn't true, that she'd be lost without him, but her father was never stupid. He knows how often Kate comes by, how much of her life she's giving up to take care of him day after day. He sees how taxing this all is for her and he blames himself, the guilt nearly swallowing him whole until she eventually coaxes him back from the ledge, begs him to see that she's only giving back what he gave her for 19 years. It's her turn to take care of him and she isn't giving up on him.

Other times he yells. He's never turned physically violent, but it still manages to scare her sometimes, how different this man is from the father she once knew, the man who raised her.

But today seemed to have been a good day for him based on their brief phone conversation and they'll have something different to talk about, something nice for a change.

She turns the key within the lock and a sense of apprehension washes over her as she pushes the door open and the smell of alcohol reaches her nose.

"Dad?" She calls out, taking a few steps in the apartment and looking around.

Her eyes land on the couch and her stomach sinks like a rock. He's passed out, obviously hasn't heard her come in and his right arm is dangling from over the side of the couch, his hand loosely hanging on to a bottle of whiskey.

 _Shit_.

She blinks away the wave of tears that form behind her eyes and pushes forward towards the sofa. He reeks, she doesn't even need to be close to him to know that, she can smell it from a few feet away. The only comfort she finds in this is that he's still breathing, his chest moving up and down at a constant rhythm. At least she doesn't have to check for a pulse like so many times before.

She grabs the bottle of whiskey from the floor, stalks over to the kitchen, not bothering to be quiet and she pours the amber liquid down the sink.

This liquid poison is ruining their lives.

Looking around, she realizes the kitchen is a mess. So much for the cleaning he said he'd been doing when she'd called. She picks up the many glasses scattered across the room and grabs the broom from the front closest to throw away what appears to be the remains of a broken plate shattered on the ground.

Once that's cleaned up and her father is still out cold, she heads over to him, attempts to rouse him from the alcohol induced stupor he's in.

"Dad." She waits a beat but gets no response. Crouching down beside him, she shakes his shoulder. "Come on Dad, wake up."

He stirs, a groan tumbling from his lips and his eyes finally snap open.

"Katie," he says as his eyes land on her, his voice scratchy from having just woken up and probably the massive hangover that must have his head pounding. "How was your afternoon?" He asks, as though this is just a normal occurrence, her finding him passed out and drunk on his couch.

It suddenly hits her that this is normal. It's how she most often finds him when she enters his apartment. She's surprised he even remembers she'd had plans for the afternoon, that the contents of the bottle she's just poured down the sink didn't wipe his memory clean the way it so often does. It's exactly what it usually does, what he craves, the reason he can't stop. It seems to be the only thing that makes him forget and for a little while he doesn't have to live with the pain of losing his wife or being a burden to his only daughter.

"It was great, Dad," she says with mock enthusiasm in her voice, dripping sarcasm despite the fact that the words are true, because as much as she'd wanted to share the memory of her afternoon with him, it isn't the pressing issue. And she sure as hell didn't want to share it like this. "I thought you said you'd been cleaning." She redirects the subject to where it needs to be.

"I was," he insists, as if that'll get him off the hook, as if it makes it all okay. He sits up on the couch, groaning slightly as his head spins with the movement, scrubbing his hands across his face, willing his body to wake up and cooperate. "I was cleaning out the cabinets in the kitchen..." he trails off and Kate thinks he looks ashamed, like he doesn't want to tell her the rest, only he knows it's too late to save her from finding out. She already knows. "I found a couple of bottles I'd hidden away. And I tried, I did, but they were right there and I was just so lonely." A sob catches in his throat as he utters the last words and it pricks at her heat, tears it to shreds.

Damn it, she should have been here.

Kate takes a seat next to him on the couch and leans into his arm despite the awful smell of liquor that radiates off of him. "We've talked about this, Dad. You're supposed to call me when something like that happens, when you start feeling like you're alone. You're not. I'm still here."

"You had plans, Katie. And you're always taking care of me. I don't want to take up more of your life than I already do. You should be enjoying it," he sighs.

"Not when you need me, Dad. I'll always be there when you call. Please... There's nothing more important to me than keeping you safe and if that means rearranging my plans, then I'll do that. But you _have_ to call."

"Okay," he agrees, lifting a hand to run through her hair and part of her just wants to lean into him, let him hug her and soothe her pain like when she was his little girl. Only she's not a little girl anymore and she wants her dad back.

"Come on." She disentangles from him, and lifts up from the couch, holding out her hand for him to take. He accepts it and she helps to pull him up. "Let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

"You like her," Alexis tells him as they enter the cab after parting ways with the lovely professor and he looks at Alexis quizzically, though he thinks he knows exactly what - or more precisely, whom- she's talking about. His daughter rolls her eyes at him and despite the fact that he's only had the pleasure of being in Kate's company a handful of times, he knows it's a move his daughter picked up from her. "Ms. Beckett. You like her."

"Of course I like her, she's a great teacher," he deflects because damn, his daughter is way too perceptive for a twelve-year-old. She has him completely figured out and doesn't waist a moment before she corners him.

"Not just that. You _like_ her, like her," she emphasizes with air quotes and he can't say she's wrong. Although, he can't tell yet whether she's on board with it or not. It would be a deal breaker if Alexis told him it was a no go. That's always been his one rule.

"I have no idea what you mean," he's hoping if he plays dumb she might drop it because to be completely honest, he's not all that comfortable talking about his wholly unanticipated attraction to her teacher with her.

"You called her Kate last week at the dance when we left, not Ms. Beckett, _and_ you invited her over to have ice cream with us. You never invite anyone to have ice cream with us after school. It's me and you time." Alexis enumerates the facts like a pro, though she's missing a few key ones –which he'd rather she not know; particularly their closet encounter - but she essentially has him backed up against the wall.

Damn.

He angles his body towards hers in the cab, watching as she mirrors him, knows this means he's about to spill. "I like her," he confirms, and he sees Alexis open her mouth to say something more but he beats her to it. "But," he hedges before she can interrupt him. "You always come first and if you're not okay with that, if you'd rather I not act on it, all you have to do is say the word. She's an amazing woman and I'd like to get to know her better, but you," he says, bumping her nose with his index affectionately, "will always be my number one."

He sees Alexis is about to respond but he has one more thing to say. "And I'm sorry I invited her for ice cream without talking to you first. You're right. It's our me and you time."

Alexis waits him out with an eyebrow raised and he has to say, the look has him a bit anxious. "Can I speak now?" she asks, a smile tugging at her lips.

"The floor is yours," he announces. He'll respect her wishes, no matter what she asks, but that doesn't mean he won't be extremely disappointed if his daughter doesn't approve. He hasn't felt a connection like this towards a woman in a very long time and he really would like the possibility of seeing where it could lead. But he waits for Alexis to lay her cards on the table.

"I like her a lot too," Alexis tells him with a smile. "And I won't say it's not a little weird," she admits, though, judging by her smile, he anticipates the rest of her sentence might not be so horrible. "But I wouldn't mind if she hung out with us some more."

He sighs in relief because even though he hasn't known Kate Beckett for a whole lot of time, he longs to change that and having his daughter on board means more than he knows how to say. "Thanks, pumpkin. I'm glad you're okay with it," he tells her, pulling her in for a side hug, as uncomfortable as it is in the cab, and lays a kiss to her temple.

"Besides, she's the one who asked me if I was okay with her tagging along. She said she wouldn't have come if it had made me uncomfortable. I trust her." Kate had shared her intentions of asking Alexis for permission or approval to accompany them for ice cream but it warms something in him to know that she'd gone through with it, that it had meant something to his daughter. Kate wasn't here to take advantage and she cared about his kid probably more than anyone he knew other than himself and his own mother. Meredith had never bothered to ask Alexis how she felt about going shopping or visiting movie sets. She did those things for her, not for their daughter and it ripped him apart to watch how much Alexis wanted to please her Mom, wanted to feel like she was enough. But already, Kate treats Alexis with more respect and affection, sees and believes in Alexis' potential way more than her mother ever did. It's one of the things that draws him to her.

"Do you think she'll still give me extra help after school some times?" Ah, his daughter, ever the eager learner. The cab pulls up to their building and he answers as they step onto the sidewalk, draping his arm around her shoulders when they make their way into the building. "I'm sure she'd be just as happy to help you as she was before."

"Good. She's a really great teacher."

"She seems to be, yeah," he agrees easily after hearing about some of their classroom moments today over ice cream.

"So when are you inviting her to dinner?"

Rick sputters as they enter the elevator. "You want her to come over for dinner?"

"Well, duh," she says rolling her eyes at him, for the second time today, but her smile cancels out any spunk. "Home cooked meals are way more romantic than going out for dinner," she points out.

"Romantic?" he squeaks.

"Dad, you just asked me for permission to date her, why are you so surprised?" she asks, generally confused.

"Well, I just- um... didn't expect you to be so proactive about it."

"But you want to date her don't you?"

"Is this weird? Because it feels a little weird."

"Dad, focus."

"I- yes," he admits despite the awkward feeling of sharing this with his daughter. "But only if it's also something she wants."

"Only one way to find out," Alexis taunts him.

"When did you get so smart?" he asks rhetorically as he ruffles her hair.

"Dad," she groans, shifting away from him to escape his reach. "Ask her to dinner."

His daughter is _actually_ eager about this. Huh.

"Fine," he relents, looking at her with wide eyes and fake exasperation as he pulls out his phone. He looks at it blankly for a second, before his face scrunches up in realization.

"I don't have her number."

"Dad, that's like, the number one rule of dating," she chastises.

"Hey, now," he defends himself. "I didn't want to overwhelm her, and I had no idea if you were okay with it at that point. I didn't want to put either of you in an uncomfortable situation," he explains and Alexis seems to agree that he has a point.

"You could go by the school? Ask her there?" Alexis suggests but he remembers the deal he made to get Kate to agree to go with them for ice cream.

"I can't," he sighs.

"What do you mean?"

"I sort of promised her I wouldn't bother her at work if she came with us for ice cream."

"You've been coming by the school to see her?" Alexis asks, narrowing her gaze and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, not exactly..." he starts to deny it but he knows full well it's a lie. "I mean, I've been helping out the school with some supplies and she does work there, so..."

He trails off and Alexis looks at him skeptically. "You never visit the school. Not unless you're picking me up or coming in for parent-teacher interviews."

"Okay fine, I might have gone there with the intention of seeing her. How else was I supposed to see her again?"

There's silence for a beat as they both think about how he could possibly ask her to dinner without a phone number and without breaking his promise.

"What about if I ask her?" Alexis proposes. "I won't ask her on a date for you, obviously because _that_ would definitely be weird, but I could ask her if she'd like to come over for supper? And then you could get her number," she finishes excitedly and truly, he doesn't think he's ever seen Alexis so eager to be involved in any of his potential relationships.

It's not a bad idea, he thinks, but it's not without flaws. "I don't want her to think I'm using you to get to her, though," he points out.

"I'll just tell Ms. Beckett it was my idea."

"I suppose it was," he concedes. "You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to, right?" He gives her another chance to back out, wants to make sure that she's truly okay with this because he does want to get to know Kate, but not at the expense of his daughter's happiness and education.

But she simply shrugs, a tentative smile lining her lips. "Like I said, I like her, Dad. Stop worrying so much. As long as she's still okay with helping me with some literature stuff like we usually do once in a while, I'm cool with it." She wraps her arms around him in a hug and wrests her head on his chest. "I just want you to be happy, Dad," she murmurs against him and he smiles, holds her tightly against him.

"So long as I have you, I'll always be happy, Pumpkin."

* * *

 ** _A/N: I'm sorry updates aren't as frequent as they were with Focal Point but I hope you guys are still enjoying the story! Thank you so much for reading, I'd love to know what you think._**

 ** _Twitter: zoekeller_**  
 ** _Tumblr: zkalways_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Hi everyone! I'm really sorry about the delay for this chapter! I was at FanExpo this weekend and got the chance to meet Nathan (He was amazing)! And I also started school so it's been pretty busy. I still plan to do my best to stay on schedule and post once a week though. Thank you for your continued interest in this story.**_

* * *

There aren't many holes in her schedule to fit in therapy sessions seeing as she's usually busy with either school or taking care of her dad, but today the kids are watching a play in the auditorium after lunch, so she manages to book a session.

She sits outside of Dr. Burke's office, only another five minutes until it's time for her session to be begin, and she has to resist the urge to wring her hands together in an attempt to soothe her nerves. It's not the first time she goes in planning to talk about her personal life, but usually they stick to her dad and how she can help him, how to be there for him in a way that keeps him safe but doesn't leave him feeling smothered.

But today won't be about that and she already feels the guilt creeping up her spine. How is she supposed to explain that she doesn't know how to manage her personal life with taking care of her father? She's going to come off sounding like a five-year-old who doesn't know very much about life and how to live it.

"Kate?" The deep voice of her therapist pulls her out of her thoughts and she gets up mechanically, knows he's ready to see her when he calls her name and leaves the door to his office open behind him.

She shuts the door as she enters and sits down in the far more comfortable single seat leather couch than the chairs in the waiting room, though it does nothing to settle the anxious flutter of her stomach.

"I'm glad to see you again," he tells her as she lets her body deflate into the seat opposite him. She nods and gives him a tight smile. They aren't here for pleasantries, and she knows it. "Is there a reason you booked this meeting outside of our usual monthly schedule? Anything on your mind you'd like to bring up?"

This is it, the moment she's supposed to spill her guts out, only the words get stuck in her throat, guilt and a tinge of shame robbing her ability to speak. But Burke waits her out, patient as usual, doesn't pressure her into sharing anything with which she isn't comfortable.

"I, um..." she tries to start but even that doesn't sound right to her ears.

Damn it, she needs to be stronger than this. She booked this session because she needs help, guidance, and she isn't going to get any if she can't tell him how she's feeling. Stealing herself, Kate wills the words to make it past her lips. "I have a student in my class, her name is Alexis; she's brilliant."

She tells him about the dance, how she went as a favor to Alexis and met her Dad, how she feels something for him she knows she shouldn't. She tells him about how he kept pushing, came back after spring break and how she relented and ended up going for ice cream with them by the end of the week. And then she tells him about how she found her Dad passed out on the couch after her evening, how she should have been there for him.

"It sounds like you feel guilty about going for ice cream with Alexis and Rick."

He rightfully takes her silence as confirmation. "How long were you out with them?"

She thinks back. "Probably an hour and a half, maybe two hours."

"And before that, you were at work?"

Kate nods, not quite sure what he's getting at. "So you think that if you'd gone to your father's apartment straight from work, he wouldn't have been drinking?"

She thinks about it but odds are, he most probably started drinking long before she'd finished work. "He probably would have," she admits and what he's hinting at starts to become clear to her. "But I would have been there sooner, could have gotten there before he passed out and endangered himself," she explains, her instinct to defend her own reasoning taking over even though she realizes it may be flawed.

"And what if something were to happen while you were at work?" Burke pushes further, and she really hates thinking about this. It's a train of thought she tries to avoid, doesn't think about very often because she hates the answer to it.

"I... I wouldn't be able to do much," she purses her lips as she says it, the admission causing her heart to squeeze uncomfortably even though she knows it wouldn't be her fault.

"And would you feel guilty then?" Burke asks.

"Well, I have a responsibility to my students," she reasons. "Of course I'd be upset that something happened... But I think I'd realize there isn't much I could have done." She really doesn't enjoy these kinds of hypotheticals her therapist throws at her, especially when they involve her not being able to do anything to help her father.

"Does the rest of your life, outside of your job, revolve solely around taking care of your father?"

"Well, ever since my mom died... most often, yes."

"Do you think that's healthy?"

She doesn't like where this session is going at all. Her palms feel clammy and she rubs them against her thighs in an attempt to dispel the tension. The truth is, she knows it isn't. But what the hell else is she supposed to do?

"I can't just leave him alone," she answers, deflecting the question.

"Is your father getting any kind of help from somewhere else?"

She's tried... Tried getting him to attend AA meetings, going into detox. He wanted none of it.

"No," she sighs.

"Your father is entirely dependent on you, then?"

"I guess so?" Burke's line of questioning has her uneasy, has the anxiety building and she feels the familiar well of tears building behind her eyes. She fights against it.

"Do you think that's fair to him? To you?"

"To him? How would it not be fair to him?" she asks incredulously. "Am I not enough? Is that why he can't keep his hands off a damn bottle of whiskey?" Her voice rises as she asks the question, accusation and anger building up inside her like fire.

"Kate, your father is sick," Burke says calmly. "You've given him everything you have to give but he needs professional help. This isn't about you not being enough. If he isn't ready to get better, then he won't, and there isn't much you can do about that. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and you can't harbour guilt about them not accepting it either."

He pauses, lets his words sink in. "Whether you're at work, or spending time with other people, you can't feel guilty about not being there. You've told me that you made it abundantly clear to your father that you are available to him 24/7; that all he has to do is pick up the phone and call. It would be unreasonable to ask of anyone to stay by his side around the clock. You can't stop yourself from living while you're waiting for his call and you can't guilt yourself into being by his side at every moment if he isn't receptive to your help."

She lets her elbows rest against her knees and covers her face with her hands. It makes sense. Too much sense and that's the problem. She doesn't know how to fix this, how to help her dad anymore.

"I can't lose him too," she tells Burke on a sigh as she finally looks up at him.

"But you can't spend your life trying to save him either. That's not living, Kate. For either of you."

She doesn't know how to live outside of this anymore, doesn't know how to let it go, or at least loosen the grip she's tried to maintain for so long.

"How do I do that?"

"You take small steps. Go out with friends once a week, take a walk in the park after school. You need to do things for yourself, to start living for _you_ again, and not only for the sake of someone else, outside of your job. You make sure your dad knows he can call at any time and that you'll be there, but you remember to live too."

When he says it, it doesn't sound so difficult. It never does until she leaves the office and the world of hypotheticals behind until real life gets in the way. But she can try. He's right. It's been over four years and her Dad hasn't gotten any better. Whatever she is or isn't doing clearly isn't helping her dad. It's time for a new strategy.

"Okay," she says, decisively. Tiny steps and one night a week for herself. She can handle that.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon is painfully long, her therapy session zapping the energy out of her.

When the final bell rings she feels as though it's the first deep breath she's taken all day. She managed to deliver her lessons just fine, and hopefully the kids didn't notice how tired she was, but Dr. Burke's words have been trotting in her mind all afternoon, an exponentially increasing pressure on her shoulders wearing her down.

She takes a moment to breathe, to let her eyes close and her body sink deeper into the chair that holds her weight. Her therapist rarely gives her advice, never keen on spoon feeding her the answers to her troubles and he most often answers her questions with more puzzles for her to piece together. But not today. Today he practically gave her a prescription, told her exactly what she needs to do in order not to drown while attempting to save her father. And it makes sense to her, it really does, but it doesn't make the task any easier, any less painful. She thinks she'll swing by tonight, to make sure he's okay. Burke had said she needed to take time for herself once a week. That doesn't have to be today.

She pushes away the thought that actually, today might be ideal seeing as she's exhausted and would probably crash the moment her head hit the pillow. But the stress has her stomach churning already, thoughts of her dad passed out keeping her from getting any restful sleep. She'll go today, and next week, she'll start with Dr. Burke's advice.

The sound of small footsteps has her eyes blinking open and she smiles as she sees Alexis enter her classroom. Kate sits up straighter in her chair to face her, wondering why she's still here after the final bell.

"Hey, Alexis. Everything okay?"

"Hi, Ms. Beckett," she greets, a shy smile claiming her lips. "Everything's good, I just wanted to ask you something and I didn't really want all the other students around."

"Sure," Kate encourages her to keep going, share whatever it is that's on her mind. She leans forward, showing Alexis she has her undivided attention.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd maybe like to come over for dinner at our place sometime next week."

Kate gapes, completely taken aback by the offer. "Did your father put you up to this?" she asks, just to make sure, because she swears, if Castle tried to use his daughter to get to her, she'll tell him off herself.

"No," Alexis answers quickly. "It was my idea. I talked to him about it and he seemed really excited about it, though."

Kate pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, buying herself some time to think this through for a second. Alexis inviting her over is really sweet and the thought of seeing Castle again sends nervous flutters though her system, maybe also a little excitement. She wants to go. She thinks back to their ice cream outing, how happy she'd been afterwards and excited to share the memories with her father.

But her dad. Her dad might need her.

Dr. Burke's words echo in her mind as she falls back on the familiar excuse, the one worry that's kept her from living her life.

One evening next week: that's all Alexis is asking for, all Dr. Burke suggested she should start with. This could be her night away.

"Okay," Kate agrees quickly, before she can reason further, before she thinks about the implications, about how she'll see Rick again or how her father will be alone for the night.

She'll be one phone call away. All he ever has to do is call.

She can do this, _has_ to do this.

"Really?" Alexis asks excitedly, needing confirmation after Kate's hesitance.

"Really," she nods, a smile tugging at her lips at Alexis' excitement. "Let me know what day next week is best for you and I'll be there."

"That's great! I'll talk to my dad and let you know." She heads for the door, presumably going to catch her bus before she misses her ride home and she waves her off.

Looking back down at her desk, Kate covers her face with her hands and groans. She never imagined her life would turn out to be this complicated and she hopes she's handling it right, that she isn't making a mistake that will haunt her forever.

She hopes she isn't letting down her father.

* * *

The weekend is a blur, but it's good. One of the best they've had in a while. Jim hasn't had anything to drink since she found him past out on his couch and it has her breathing more easily. They'd gone grocery shopping, done some cooking so that he'd have meals ready for the week ahead and she inevitably ended up telling him about Richard Castle and his daughter.

"He makes you happy," her dad states.

"He does _not_. I barely know him dad," she objects immediately, her dad's assumption way off base.

"I'm sorry Katie but the smile on your face as you've talked about those two betrays your words." He's teasing her, she knows it, but she falls for it anyway.

"That's for Alexis," she clarifies. "She's an amazing kid."

"Whatever you say, Katie."

She rolls her eyes at him and glares a little when their gazes meet. He's smiling so widely at her she can't help but laugh.

This is her dad, the man she knows him to be when he's sober: funny, kind, and a little bit annoying, like all dads are. But she wouldn't give this up for anything.

"Chop your onions," she says, gesturing to the cutting board to try and draw his attention away from the interest he's taken in her relationship -not that there is one- with Richard Castle.

"I'm just happy for you," he says while he follows her orders and returns his attention to the cutting board. "And as much as I love spending time with you, I know these last few years have cost you a lot of your personal time."

"Dad, it's-"

"No, Katie just," he sighs, putting down the knife and turning towards her, his voice serious. "I need to be better. For myself and for you. I want you to have this, want you to live your life, and so long as I'm drowning in this sickness, I know you won't allow yourself to. I see that now. I know it's what your mother would want too."

She wants to stop him, wants to deny it even though she knows every word is true but she has a feeling he isn't finished, so she waits him out, gives him the time to think about his next words.

"Which is why I've decided to enter a new AA program." Tears well in her eyes before she gets the chance to try and subdue her emotions. "I've done some research on it and I think it could work now that I see what's at stake."

She bites her bottom lip, attempts to stop her chin from quivering when she looks at him and sees the sincerity in his eyes but doesn't do much to keep the tears at bay. Giving in, Kate lets go of the bowl she'd been holding and propels herself into his arms. It feels like she's a little girl again, seeking comfort from her father's embrace, but she doesn't care that she looks weak for once.

She didn't expect this and she isn't sure what brought on this sudden change in her father's attitude, but it feels like a monumental step in the right direction. He's never been the one to suggest getting help, or if he has, he's never gone through with it, because mostly they'd been false promises made while he was under the influence.

But this time he sounds serious about getting help and getting better, he sounds like he finally wants it for the right reasons.

He smooths his hands over her hair in comfort and holds her for as long as she needs.

Taking in a deep breath, Kate pulls away when she finally feels in control again and smiles as their eyes meet. "Thanks Dad. I think that's really great."

"I can't make any promises but I'm... I'm really going to try this time."

"That's more than enough," she confirms, exhaling loudly and turning back to her mixing bowl, sporting a watery smile.

There's an instant of silence between them but it isn't awkward or strained, it just allows them both to bask in the moment for a little while.

"I think your mom would also want you to go on a date with Richard Castle."

"Dad," she laughs on a choked breath as he surprises her with the last thing she would have expected to leave his mouth after his serious admission.

"Don't even deny it. She'd be milking this for all it's worth. She loved that man's books."

She shakes her head at him even though she knows he's not at least wrong. Her mom would have loved this.

"And I'd be telling her the same thing I'm telling you. It's not a date. It's just supper with him and his daughter, that's all." She downplays it and she can't help but think he'd be insufferable if he knew they'd kissed. There's no way she's sharing those kinds of details with him.

"And you know exactly what she'd say to that, don't you?"

"Mhm," she hums, smiling despite herself and silently enjoying the fact that they are finally able to have a conversation about her mom without the fear that it'll send him running back to the nearest bar seeking the comfort of hard liquor.

God, she hopes this lasts.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you think. - Zoe**_

 _ **Twitter: zoekeller**_

 _ **Tumblr: zkalways**_


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the weekend passes by in a blur. Kate checks in with her father a couple of times and she's relieved to hear that he's already made plans to meet with an AA sponsor in the beginning of this week. Things are going well, almost too well, and part of her is afraid to hold onto it, scared that she might not be able to handle it this time if it all comes crashing down as it so often does.

But no, she can't think like that, shouldn't be losing hope when her father has finally decided to take a step forward for himself this time.

This is good. It's not time for her to give up, and if things fall apart well... she'll have to cross that bridge when she gets to it _. If she gets to it_ , she corrects.

Alexis was in one of her morning classes and seeing her helped her forget for a little while. She always asks the most thought-out questions, ones which even have her occasionally pausing before she finds the right words to answer. Her love for the subject-matter is infectious and distracts her for a good while.

The invitation the girl also made after class to have Kate over for dinner that evening was also not a bad distraction.

She'd accepted, thinking things shouldn't be too bad seeing as her dad should be seeing his sponsor soon and he finally seems to want to get better.

And she may or may not be a little excited, nerves coming to life in the pit of her stomach at the thought of seeing Rick again. She knows it's ridiculous, that they can't possibly work, but when she thinks back to the dance, to last week getting ice cream... well, it doesn't seem so far-fetched.

They are just friends and it should really stay that way, for all of their sakes. But she can't help the way her body reacts to him. Maybe it's because he's different from what she'd initially expected, or maybe it's the way he looks at her, his eyes often filled with what she understands to be quiet admiration and a healthy amount of want. He doesn't leer, doesn't stare at her like she'd be fun to have around for just the night. There's something a little more and if she's honest, it scares her just a bit. But it ignites something in her too, something she didn't know was there.

When she knocks on the door corresponding to the address Alexis gave her, there's no stopping the flutters that seem to awaken every time he's near. She doesn't have to wait long before the door swings open and she looks down to see Alexis smiling at her widely.

"You're here!" she says, excitedly reaching for her hand and pulling her into the loft she can't help but notice is absolutely stunning. The place is beautifully decorated, has a warm, modern feel to it, but it's homely, looks well lived in, with books lining the expansive shelves and dozens of picture frames hanging off the walls or resting on various surfaces.

"I'm so happy you came," Alexis chatters, unaware of her momentary admiration of her home. "Dad and I are making our special tomato sauce right now and everything's almost ready."

Kate looks over to the kitchen, where Alexis is leading her and she finds Rick, with his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, exposing his forearms and a dish towel over his shoulder. Domesticity looks good on him.

Really good.

He looks up from where he's dicing tomatoes on a cutting board and his eyes meet hers, a wide smile breaking across his face and a slight tease in the raise of his eyebrow.

He totally caught her looking. Great.

"Lovely to see you again, Professor. I'm glad you could make it."

Kate does her best to suppress the blush she feels heating her skin and plays it cool.

"Thank you for inviting me," she says sincerely and it almost seems to take him by surprise. She'll admit, she hasn't been very appreciative or given him any impression that she was happy to receive any of his invitations but she's... reconsidered. The time she's spent with them has stressed her out but only because of how good it felt, how happy it made her. He should at least know that.

Rick seems happy with her answer and his smile doesn't dim. "Anytime," he tells her, as if it's that simple.

Maybe it can be, if she lets it.

Alexis motions for her to sit at one of the high stools along the counter while she joins her father on the opposite side once more.

"Anything I can help with?" Kate asks, hoping to have something to do to occupy her hands, dispel the nervousness from her system.

"You're our guest, Ms. Beckett. We've got it under control."

Kate smiles, the classroom moniker sounding silly outside of the school environment. "You can call me Kate when we see each other outside of class if you want, Alexis."

She doesn't want the girl to feel like she's her professor tonight. Just a friend.

"Really?" Alexis asks, wide eyed, as if this is a privilege she isn't sure she should have.

"Really," Kate laughs. "It'll be our secret."

"Okay." Alexis smiles back, pleased with the arrangement.

She swings her gaze back to Rick who looks at her with so much gratitude, with so much joy in his eyes it almost has her asking what she did to deserve it. He beats her to it though, enquiring about her instead.

"Anything exciting happen over the weekend?" Rick asks her, as he tosses tomatoes and onions in a large pan over the stove.

It's a tricky question. Something exciting _did_ happen, but she doesn't think it would count as such for them. Her Dad promising to go to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting might not be the best kind of topic for light conversation with his twelve-year-old daughter.

"Not so much. I spent time with my dad and then had a bit of a lazy day." She settles on somewhere close enough to the truth. Her life isn't very exciting at all, really. He might as well find out sooner rather than later, that way he can decide whether getting to know her is worth the time. He'll find out soon enough she probably isn't all he's hyped her up to be. In any case, there isn't much she can do about it.

"Oh, we had a lazy day too, didn't we?" He turns to Alexis.

"The best kind. Building forts and movie marathons. After I had finished all my homework and readings," she adds that last part for Kate's benefit, no doubt.

Kate smiles. That does sound like one of the best kinds of lazy days, save for the homework part maybe.

"Sounds comfy," she agrees. "What did you watch?"

"Almost all of Harry Potter!" Alexis says excitedly. "We didn't go past the fifth one though because Dad and I aren't done reading the book and I want to finish it first."

Kate nods, completely understands wanting to finish the book before seeing the movie.

"Who's your favourite character?"

"Hermione!" Alexis doesn't miss a beat, the female sorceress, clearly her first choice. "I have the same wand as her too. What about you? Have you seen them or read the books?"

"What kind of English teacher would I be if I hadn't read the books?" Kate answers in fake incredulity.

"Touché," Rick agrees. "J. K. Rowling is a master."

"And I have to admit, I have a bit of a soft spot for Neville." Kate reveals.

"Really?" Alexis asks, surprised.

"Yeah," she shrugs. "He's brave despite the fact that he's scared. Stands up for what he believes is right, even when it's the difficult thing to do, when he doesn't have to take the responsibility. He's really smart too. Harry never would have made it without him if he hadn't helped out for his second challenge in the Triwizard Tournament."

Alexis nods, a contemplative smile lighting her lips. "And Gryffindor wouldn't have won the house cup in the first year if he hadn't demonstrated courage by standing up to his friends."

"Exactly."

"I'll definitely see him in a different light now," Alexis hums.

"Happy to hear it," Kate winks at her.

"Alright, the sauce is just about ready," Rick announces. "If you could each bring up your plates."

She picks up her plate as well as his from where it's placed on the table and brings it over to where he stands ready to serve the pasta and homemade tomato Bolognese sauce she'd watch them finalize.

He smiles when she walks up and their fingers brush as he takes the plate from her hand, sending tingles up the length of her arm.

She quickly takes her plate back to the table, wills the attraction she feels for him to cool, at least for the time they're sitting for supper with his daughter. One touch and she's set completely off balance by this connection they share. It isn't like anything she's felt before and that fact alone does nothing to tamper the nerves she feels acting up again in the pit of her stomach.

"This smells amazing, by the way," she says, mostly to distract herself but also because her mouth waters at the smell of her plate. He passes her the parmesan cheese which she sprinkles over the sauce.

"It was made with lots of love and with the help of a very talented sous-chef," Rick tells her, looking over at Alexis who rolls her eyes but blushes slightly.

"It doesn't take much talent to cut up some vegetables, Dad."

"Maybe not," Kate acquiesces. "But there aren't many kids who help their parents with dinner and judging by how well these are cut, I'm going to say it's not the first time you've done it."

"I mean, it would probably take Dad a lot longer if he did it alone and Gram, well... Let's just say she doesn't cook," Alexis says with a laugh and Rick groans.

"One more reason for your dad to appreciate your sous-chef skills," Kate says, taking a first bite of the pasta and she sees Rick nod in confirmation.

She moans as it hits her tongue, the flavor rich, just the perfect blend of sweet and salty for a tomato sauce.

"My god, this is good," she says after she shallows her first bite.

"Glad you like it," Rick says, grinning as he too starts to eat, but he stares for a bit longer than strictly platonically appropriate.

She notices the half-filled glass of wine in front of her and she hesitates, the thought of her father's alcoholism making her question whether or not she should touch the liquid she knows can be poison. But she isn't her father. A single glass won't hurt, won't pull her under.

Kate reaches for the glass and takes a small sip. She sees Rick look at her in a way that silently asks if everything is okay. Apparently, he's noticed her hesitation.

Damn, she needs to work on not being so transparent.

She nods, her lips curving upward slightly, not wanting him to worry.

"So, I sense there's a bit of a story to your Gram's lack of cooking skills?" She enquires, hoping to steer Rick's thoughts away from her hesitation to accept the alcohol.

Rick and Alexis share a look that says it all.

"She's horrible in the kitchen, unless it involves the bar."

"Gram burns everything," Alexis nods.

"Should we start with the turkey incident?"

"Or what about the time with the mac and cheese?" Alexis suggests instead.

"The apple pie she ruined is also a classic," Rick considers and Kate chuckles at the exchange.

By the time they finish dinner, Kate has heard just about every story starring Martha and the kitchen, two apparently incompatible forces. She's shared some of her own ruined dishes and she learns that although this meal may be restaurant worthy, Rick wasn't always so great.

They clean up the table and wash the dishes together, despite Rick's many protests to have her sit and enjoy being their guest. That doesn't fly with her and he soon gives up, reluctantly handing her a towel to dry as he hands her the clean dishes.

"Dad, is it okay if I go finish my homework?" Alexis asks, with a tinge of guilt in her voice after they've finished putting everything away and all that's left is washing and drying the plates.

"Of course, pumpkin. Thanks for your help," he says before laying a kiss to the top of her head when she swoops in for a side hug despite the fact that his hands are buried in the soapy water filling the sink. This kid is too well behaved for her own good.

"Anytime, Dad," she says, squeezing her arms around him. She pulls back and looks to Kate with a shy smile.

"Thank you for coming over tonight, Kate. It was a lot of fun."

"My pleasure, I had a good time too," Kate assures her. Alexis quickly wraps her arms around her in a hug that takes her by surprise, but she doesn't hesitate to reciprocate when the shock passes, runs a hand over Alexis' hair affectionately. She sees Rick smiling as he pretends not to watch, his eyes trained on the same plate he's been scrubbing for the past three minutes she's positive is clean.

Alexis lets her go and walks towards the stairs, heading for her room. "Good night," she calls before venturing up the steps.

"Night, pumpkin."

"Goodnight, Alexis. See you tomorrow." His daughter waves as she ascends to her room and Kate smiles.

Before this moment, though, it hadn't occurred to her that Alexis going up would leave her alone with her father. And suddenly the butterflies are back with a vengeance, taking her stomach by storm.

She continues to dry the dishes, but her mind races a mile a minute, unnerved by his presence. She usually is nothing like this; she's cool and controlled and she just doesn't know why this man has her so flustered every time he's in the same room as she is.

"You're good with her, you know." His voice breaks the silence and his words seem to calm her nervous spell. Talking about Alexis is safe territory. "I know this may sound odd, since we only just met but... I wish her mother could have been more like you." He looks over at her sheepishly, almost as if he feels guilty for saying it.

Her heart clenches in her chest at his admission, taken aback by the bold statement, and she doesn't want to pry but part of her wants to know more. "Where is Alexis' Mom?"

"In L.A.," he says on a sigh, and she can see this isn't an easy subject for him. "Motherhood didn't really fit into her plan to become a famous actress. She calls on holidays and birthdays, sometimes makes a trip over but, she isn't present, never has been."

All her previous apprehension forgotten, Kate feels the need to comfort him. He's just as human as she is, still feels pain and grief and has to learn to cope with life's troubles. "Hey," she says, setting down the plate on the counter and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Alexis is really lucky to have you. And her mom, well... I don't know how anyone could stay away from such an amazing girl." He smiles in thanks but it's weak, doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"It's just, I can't protect her from this. Every time her mom misses Christmas or her birthday, I can see the pain in her eyes." He shakes his head in frustration but he lets the dish rag go, faces her properly. "I just wanted to thank you for being here, and caring about her so much, even as just her teacher. She looks up to you, and I see it. And to have you tell her that she's important, that she's a good kid for helping me in the kitchen, the way you did, or the way you talked to her about book characters she loves and taught her more about them, it just... I could see how much it meant to her. And it- it means a lot to me, too." He looks up into her eyes and she can see the sincerity in the depths of the cerulean blue, how much he means it. She sees the way, this time, when his lips curve up slightly, it lights up around his irises, brightens his features.

"I'm happy to be here, really." She holds his gaze, her hand still on his arm and she hadn't realized how close they are, how she could bring her hand up to caress his cheek, run her thumb across the stubble of his jaw, if she wanted. He's leaning in closer and she lets her body cant slightly towards his, lets her eyes drift down to his lips, her pulse racing-

And then suddenly he's reaching past her, to her side and grabbing the dried plates she's set on the counter to put them away in the proper cabinet.

He was reaching for the plates, not trying to kiss her. Kate moves away quickly, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment at the realization. My god, she's such a mess and he probably thinks she's desperate or easy or something, neither very attractive characteristics.

She's about to suggest that maybe it's time for her to leave, point out that it's getting late, but he doesn't seem off set by the kitchen mishap.

"You want some water?" He offers, though he's already holding two glasses and heading towards the couch, motioning with his head for her to join him. Kate doesn't miss the way he offers water, as opposed to wine or beer, remembering her moment of hesitation during supper. She bites her bottom lip, unsure if she should stay, especially when she's probably just made a fool of herself. If she doesn't leave now, she doesn't think her departure will be any time soon.

The truth is, she wants to stay and he seems to want her here too, if he's offering and already taking a seat on the couch.

"Sure," Kate accepts before she can come up with any more excuses and she starts towards him and the couch, decides to put the kitchen incident out of her mind. She _has_ been giving him extremely mixed signals, kissing him one day, pushing him away the next and then accepting invitations for ice cream. It's all a little confusing, even for her. She doesn't know what she wants, what she needs, her emotions and reason a tangled mess. But in this moment, she knows she wants to stay and talk more with him on his couch.

So she stays.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for all your lovely comments! Know that they are a huge motivator to keep writing ;) I hope you enjoyed this one. -Zoe**


	8. Chapter 8

Kate heads towards the couch, where he's waiting for her. She takes a seat next to him, sits not too far away, but not so close that it's suggestive. It's a very analyzed, respectable distance.

"I like wine, you know," she says, though she reaches for the glass of water he's set on the table atop a coaster. The statement seems to take him by surprise and he half turns towards the kitchen, ready to grab a bottle if it's what she wants.

"Oh. I didn't mean to be presumptuous. I just thought- but if you'd prefer wine, I can-"

"Rick, I'm okay with water," she interrupts his offer because the truth is, she's touched that he noticed her hesitation in the first place, that he wanted to make her feel comfortable. But she doesn't want him getting the wrong idea. "I know you saw me hesitate earlier. I um..."

She doesn't usually open up about this, doesn't tell people she barely knows about her father's fall into the bottle, but for some reason, he makes her want to share.

"You don't have to explain." It's sweet of him to let her off the hook. But he should know this. Especially if she plans to be a part of his and Alexis' lives in any way. He deserves to know what he's getting into, that her father's a drunk and that the responsibility of making sure he stays alive and breathing, falls primarily on her, most days.

"No... I want to." She looks up to meet his gaze and she doesn't remember a time she's felt more vulnerable. His eyes are just as open as he waits her out, and she knows she has his undivided attention, that he understands this is serious, that it's important to her.

"I told you my mother died a few years ago." She swallows hard as she says it, still difficult to process and to accept, even after years dealing with the grief. It's rare that she stops to think about it, to deal with her own loss when she usually focuses all her energy on keeping her dad from drowning. "My dad, he hasn't dealt with her death well, turned to drinking and at first I thought he'd eventually bounce back, that he'd abandon the bottle and get his life back together." Something tightens in her chest as she describes her father, her throat closing up.

"But he hasn't," Rick finishes for her, his eyes shining with sincerity and understanding. She's just glad it's not pity, that he doesn't look at her like some broken thing. Nodding, she confirms his deduction and she's surprised when she feels his hand cover her knee, a gesture of reassurance and comfort. "It can't be easy seeing your dad like that."

"It's not, no," Kate agrees. She doesn't think too much about it before she lays her hand over his on her knee, doesn't give herself the chance to overanalyze and come up with any excuses. "I just... thought you should know. I spend a lot of time taking care of him and making sure he's okay. I don't want Alexis getting hurt because of this and I would understand if you don't want your family to get involved with me-"

"Kate," he interrupts, squeezing her knee slightly so as to bring her eyes back up to meet his. "You aren't your father, and you aren't hurting anybody. I think it's admirable that you've decided to take care of your dad and it's a great example for Alexis. You're showing her that no, matter what, it's important to care for family and those we love, especially when they lose sight of who they are."

It's not what she'd expected him to say in the slightest and she's almost shocked by the way he sees it, never having held that outlook on her situation before. "And besides, the fact that you're telling me this and worried about hurting Alexis tells me you truly have her best interest at heart. You'd never hurt her."

He looks at her with so much trust in his eyes, so much confidence that she'd never leave any of them scarred and she wants to believe it as fiercely as he seems to.

"If ever I do, it'll never be intentional, I can promise you that," she tells him, knowing the words are true.

"That's all anyone could ask for."

His acceptance and the way he's so gentle kind of undoes her, has her feeling the beginning of tears forming behind her eyes, but she wills them away. This is good.

They are starting on open and honest ground and she's not sure where that leaves them, but at least she knows they are both okay for where Alexis is concerned, both on the same page about her happiness coming first.

"Thank you," she says, looking back up at him. "For being so understanding and listening."

"Anytime." He squeezes her knee once more before pulling his hand away and she finds herself craving the warmth, wanting it back, like something that belongs is now missing.

Kate smiles at him in thanks, not sure it properly conveys the weight of her gratitude, but unsure what else to do other than reach for his hand again. The memory of their short moment - or what she thought was a moment - in the kitchen replays in her mind and she decides to keep her hands to herself. She isn't so sure he wants that kind of relationship with her anymore; especially after all she revealed about her father, despite how supportive he sounds. He may not mind for Alexis but it's probably not the kind of drama he's looking to add to his life.

"So did you end up talking to Alexis about Jeremy?" She asks, half curious, half needing a change of subject to regroup.

He glares at her, but she knows there's no malice behind it. "I did actually. She was pretty embarrassed that I noticed her staring at him, but I didn't tell her I knew about your plan, didn't want her to think you'd betrayed her and told me."

Warmth spreads through her like a wave at his admission. He's constantly surprising her, taking her off guard by the kindness of his heart.

"I told her I was happy she had fun and promised her that in the future, I wouldn't be chaperoning unless she wanted me to."

"Wow," Kate praises the conclusion he'd come to. "That's a pretty reasonable decision."

"Well, now I know she's got you looking out for her," he says, smiling and raising a brow. "Also, there was something you said to me that night got me thinking. I realized I was ruining something that couldn't potentially bring her a lot of joy by trying to prevent her from getting hurt."

Kate remembers how he listened to her that night, how he went against every one of his fatherly instincts to do what he thought would protect his little girl and took the time to mull over her words. He trusted her, trusted her instincts over his own even after having only just met her. The realization has her fingertips tingling, itching to reach out and take hold of his hand again. "I also had to regain my 'cool dad' status, so I didn't have much of a choice," he shrugs and Kate laughs, shaking her head at him.

"You did good, Rick," she says, smiling despite herself.

"Couldn't have done it without you, though," he admits, giving her the credit. "I was ready to bolt in there and take her home if you hadn't convinced me to do otherwise."

"You were the one who made the choice, you shouldn't belittle that."

"No, but I can't overlook the way you made me see the light,"

She rolls her eyes at him, still smiling.

"I guess we make a good team then," her voice is teasing but she realizes how it sounds the moment it leaves her mouth, the insinuation bold and she could honestly smack herself. They aren't a team, aren't a couple, and they aren't raising Alexis together in any way.

"I guess we do," he smiles and she looks up, surprised to see him so happy about her slip, that he even agrees with her. She didn't mean to make it sound like she's played an equal part in raising Alexis, because she hasn't, not even close.

"It wasn't always easy, raising Alexis on my own, having no one to turn to, to help guide me and make sure I was making the best decisions for my daughter."

She feels strongly for him, for the heavy weight it must be to raise a child on your own and she's under no illusions that despite having done a remarkable job, it must have felt overwhelming at times to do it all on his own. "It's good to know I have someone on my side," he says and her heart flutters almost violently. He's talking about her. He wants her to be on his side.

It's one of the sweetest things she thinks anyone has ever said to her. She isn't sure how to respond without committing to something she can't guarantee she'll be able to do, but in this moment, she has to battle the urge to tell him she'll be there whenever either he or Alexis need her. And she _wants_ to be there.

Only with her father, she can never be too sure, and she doesn't think she could handle being in a position where she'd have to choose between her own father and Alexis.

But that doesn't change the fact that she cares about his daughter and she'd do just about anything to make her happy. And she cares about him too. Rick deserves to know that.

"Anytime you or Alexis need anything, you can always call. I can't promise the situation with my dad won't make things complicated sometimes but... I'll always do my best to be there for you, in any way I can."

His eyes are the clearest blue, pools of bright cerulean and they fill with gratitude at her words. "Thank you, Kate. That really means a lot. And I could definitely use a helping hand for guidance once in a while."

She smiles at him, happy she can offer him comfort in any way. Talking with him is easier than she ever thought it would be. It makes her bold, makes her say things for which she knows it's a little too fast. But something about him makes her want to be there for them, in the same way that he and Alexis are inviting her into their lives. She wants to let him in. And maybe it's too fast, maybe she's ruining everything by letting it all happen at this pace but she can't bring herself to regret it, not when it has her feeling like this and he's looking at her with so much in his eyes.

She doesn't want to push her luck though, and they've already come a long way for tonight.

"It's getting late and it is a school night," she smirks, standing from the couch with a smile. He doesn't look upset, only glad she decided to stay for the time she did. His hand grazes the small of her back as he follows her to the door and it sends sparks of electricity up her spine, tingles at the edges of her skin.

"You know, next time I want to ask you to join us for dinner, I wouldn't have to go through Alexis if I had your number," he suggests, not so subtly as she pulls her jacket over her shoulders and she grins.

"Is this you asking for my number, Rick?" she teases, quirking a brow up at him in challenge.

"Only if you're willing to share it," he says with his hands in the air, in a gesture of surrender. It's clear he's asking but he doesn't want to spook her or to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

She lets him squirm for a moment longer, but there's no doubt in her mind what her next move will be. Kate holds out her hand with and open palm. "Hand me your phone."

He scrambles to find it, searching through his pockets as quickly as he can, as though he's afraid she'll change her mind if he doesn't produce the electronic device soon enough.

She chuckles, the urgency he seems to feel, comical and he places the phone in her hand as soon as he finds it.

"Passcode," she says, handing it back to him.

"Right," he laughs, self-depreciating but enters the four-digit code quickly and turns it back to face her.

It doesn't take her very long to pull up the new contact page and enter her number. Kate hands the phone back to him with her number in it, butterflies erupting in her stomach at the pleased look on his face.

She just gave Richard Castle her number. It feels a little surreal but he doesn't feel like so much of a celebrity when they spend time together like this or when she sees him with Alexis and again she's taken aback by how different he is than what she'd originally expected.

She likes him. A lot. And she hadn't expected him to be the least bit interested in getting to know her; she still isn't sure why he's so interested, but she'll go with it.

"So does this mean I can call to invite you to dinner?" he asks, stepping in a tad closer to where she's standing in the doorway.

"I guess so," she answers, heat spearing through her at his proximity and he takes another step forward, leaving only mere inches between them now.

"Then expect a call in the next couple of days, professor."

"I'll be waiting," she breathes, her heart pounding fast as she sees his gaze flicker down to her lips and then back up again.

He leans in closer and her eyes flutter shut, heat rising to her cheeks as she anticipates his next move, but his warm breath hits her cheek a fraction of a second before his lips do as well, grazing the corner of her mouth.

She catches the gasp before it can leave her lips and her eyes open again, surprised by his sudden chivalry, especially considering the fact that they had already kissed, and in a supply closet no less.

Her eyes meet his and she sees the smile there, sees that he's happy, content with just a simple kiss on the cheek.

Huh. She really had misjudged him.

Part of her wants to pull him back, to grab a fistful of the material of his shirt between her fingers and bring his mouth down to meet hers, but she refrains. A lot has already happened tonight, secrets unveiled and promises made she knows she'll do her very best to keep.

"Goodnight, Rick," she says, her voice sultry and enticing. She sees the rough swallow he takes, how his throat bobs with her teasing and she can't help but grin, reveling in the effect she has on him. He recovers quickly though, his pleased smile returning as she opens the door that leads out into the hall.

"Until next time, Kate," he replies, and her grin extends into a smile. His words have always brought her joy; she's always managed to find solace, to escape for some time, in the way he'd managed to weave stories in the melding of sentences. And she thinks it's the writer in him that keeps him from just saying goodnight, that demands he add a personal flare to it, but she's glad for it.

It infuses her with hope for the days ahead, a rare thing in her life these days.

She slips past the door and glances back at him one last time over her shoulder, smile still in place before she finally makes her way down the hall towards the elevator.

She doesn't know if he's watching, if he's closed the door behind her once she left, but it doesn't matter, lost in how light her body feels, like she's floating, hovering slightly above ground.

She doesn't know if she's ever felt hope quite like this.

* * *

He closes the door when her body finally disappears through the door of the elevator, knows it's kind of creepy to stare but he just can't help himself.

Smitten. That's the word he's decided to use. He's definitely smitten. He's afraid that it might already be more than that, but for the moment he decides it's close enough.

She's... extraordinary. The way she cares about his daughter, talks to her as an equal and never in a patronizing, childish way. She's _real_ with her. And Alexis is soaking it up, he can already see how attached she is, how much she looks up to Kate. He doesn't think his daughter could have picked a better person to get attached to.

He can see now, Kate is fighting her own demons, that she's got a lot on her plate with her father and that the weight is wearing her down, but he thinks Alexis - and himself, he hopes - can help her with that, can be a much lighter, stress-free part of her life.

But that all depends on whether or not she's willing to let them in. He already knows he's ready to let her into their lives. Alexis already gave him her approval and he's seen for himself how good she can be for the both of them. He truly thinks they can be good for each other.

Walking away from the door, he takes the glasses of water from the living room table and brings them into the kitchen. He feels bad for the situation with her father, hopes she knows she can talk to him if she feels the need, confide and unload if things start to get too heavy. At the same time, he wants to offer her a place where she can let all of that go and escape for a while if that's what she needs.

He'll have to think more about that and how to broach the subject at some point. Closing up the dishwasher and setting it to start in an hour, he heads up to see if Alexis is ready to be tucked in for bed. He knows she's getting old but honestly, he kind of hopes she never grows out of wanting to be tucked in.

He taps lightly on her bedroom door and waits for her answer before he enters.

"Hey, Dad," she greets, looking up from the book she'd been reading. "How was it? Did you ask for her number this time?"

Rick scoffs as he sits at the foot of the bed. "If you _must_ know," he starts dramatically, "I did ask for her number."

"And?" Alexis adds excitedly.

" _And_ , she gave it to me."

"So you'll call her, right?"

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, overdoing it a little bit, just to get a reaction out of her.

"Dad," she groans, her face scrunching up in disgust. "Don't be gross, I'm not asking for details."

"I'll call her," he confirms, without any gross details for his daughter's benefit.

Hell, he'd love to call Kate up right this second if he thought it would be appropriate. Considering it has been all but fifteen minutes since she left, he reasons it probably isn't.

"Good," Alexis agrees and he just smiles, still so glad she's okay with this.

"Ready for bed?" He asks, when she settles more comfortably under the covers and she nods her head, her eyes closing drowsily. "You have fun tonight?" He asks, because it dawns on him that she asked him how things went as soon as he entered the room but he hadn't taken the time to do the same.

"Yeah," she smiles. "I hope Ms. Beckett comes back for dinner soon."

His heart aches with it, seeing her already so attached, but he trusts Kate. Probably more than she seems to trust herself, after what she revealed tonight.

"I think she will be," he tells her and he believes it. He doesn't think he's ever trusted anyone who wasn't immediate family quite so much with his daughter's heart.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for sticking with me and leaving all your lovely comments in the reviews, you have no idea how much they brighten my day. -Zoe**

 _Twitter: zoekeller_  
 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	9. Chapter 9

Her phone vibrates against her desk, alerting her to another text message and she smiles, knows who its most likely from. He's been texting her all week, here-and-there every day and she can't deny the way it's fueled her positive mood, has her smiling more often than she normally does.

She hadn't realized until Lanie noticed.

 _"What's got you in such a good mood?" her best friend had asked over lunch in the staff room._

 _"Nothing. Just a good day, I guess," Kate had answered quickly. It really was nothing. A simple text with a picture of the blanket fort Rick had built around the furniture in the living room. She was sure Alexis would love it and his plans to have a Harry Potter movie marathon when she got home from school (after she finished her homework, of course)._

Looks pretty comfy in there _, she'd texted back and he'd immediately invited her over to join them after school. She'd politely declined, only because she knew Alexis would love the time with her father and because she had told her own dad that she'd be over in the evening as well. But it was sweet. He was sweet and her lips curled upward as she hinted at the possibility of her joining them 'next time'._

 _And every time her phone alerted her to a new text message she couldn't help the way her heart clenched in anticipation, excitement to see what he'd written. Not very many people texted her, so when the notification popped up, she knew almost instantaneously that it was him._

 _"Well, from where I'm standing, it looks more like 'nothing' is actually your phone," Lanie shot back, raising a brow and she could read both the 'don't even try to deny it' and the 'You better be ready to spill it' in her friend's expression._

 _Kate had rolled her eyes at her best friend but, damn, was she really so obvious? Apparently so._

 _Lanie was still looking over at her expectantly, still silently demanding more details. "It's Rick. He just sent me a text about his plans with Alexis this afternoon," she explained vaguely hoping Lanie wouldn't pry any more than that._

 _That had obviously been wishful thinking. "Oh, so it's Rick now?" she'd asked teasingly._

 _"What else am I supposed to call him?"_

 _"I'm just saying, it looks like things are going well if you guys are on a first name basis and have exchanged phone numbers."_

 _"Lanie-"_

 _"I'm just really happy for you, sweetie," Lanie said, reaching for her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. "No matter where it leads or what happens, I'm glad you're happy right now."_

And Lanie hadn't been the only one to notice her easy smiles either. Her dad had even mentioned it to her one evening while they'd been working on supper.

 _"You know, you look really good, Katie. I mean, you always look great, but this whole week there's just been something... radiant about you."_

 _"Radiant?" Kate had laughed, a little skeptical but when she'd looked over, she'd seen the sincerity in her father's eyes as he'd nodded._

 _"It's really good to see you smile so often. It's been helping me, as a reminder, you know?"_

 _"A reminder of what?"_

 _"That even on the worst of days, there's a possibility for joy," he'd said so simply, echoing his words from that horrible day, when they'd ended up on Coney Island. Her heart had seized in her chest, but in a good way, the memory vibrant and clear in her mind._

Her Dad hasn't had a drink in over a week and it's one of the times his sobriety has lasted for more than a few days. She isn't sure what changed, why a switch seems to have been flipped all of a sudden but it's been so great, she doesn't want to over analyze it. She's happy to just go with it and keep doing whatever it is that appears to be working for him.

And she doesn't feel guilty about spending time with Rick or Alexis, not when it makes her own father equally happy to see her smiling so often. It isn't worth trying to deny that they aren't the reason for the more common occurrence of her smile. It's just … so easy to be with them.

When her class is finishes she automatically finds a text she knew would be there waiting for her on her phone's home screen.

 _Give me a call when you finish class?_

Her stomach flutters as she reads it, and really, by now, she feels it's a little ridiculous that her body is still responding so strongly to his texts, but the excitement hasn't dimmed.

She settles behind her desk in her chair and picks up her phone to dials his number. It occurs to her that something could be wrong, but she's quick to reason that she saw Alexis two periods ago. She should still be in class. It's probably nothing.

"Hey," he picks up and the tension deflates from her as she takes in how jovial he sounds.

"Hey," she greets and he must register the relief in her voice.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, actually, I thought something might be wrong with you, or Alexis, I wasn't sure what to expect from your text," she explains, running a hand through her hair, feeling a little silly now for her over reaction. "Sorry, I just um... I guess part of me is always guarded, you know, with my dad and all, it's kind of become second nature to wonder if something's happened."

"No, no, it's me. I'm sorry, I should have been more precise with my text. But really everything's fine, no need to worry."

"Okay, good," she answers, glad he didn't make a big deal out of it or call her out on her over reaction. "So then, was there anything else?"

"Right, I um..." he hesitates and it has her confused but also a little curious. "I was actually wondering if you might want to grab dinner tonight? Alexis is having a sleep over at Paige's house and so it would just be us, but if you already have plans or if you wanted to go see your dad, I completely understand, I was just-"

"Rick," he's rambling and she has to admit it's kind of adorable but she stops him before he gives her any more excuses to turn him down. "I'd love to have dinner with you. I saw my dad yesterday, and everything was great."

"Great! That's great!" he pauses and Kate has to bite down on her bottom lip to stop from laughing. He's nervous and it's honestly not what she expected from him. " I said that twice, I'm sorry. I'm going to hang up now before I embarrass myself even further and I promise to try and be better company with a much more expansive vocabulary tonight."

She chuckles at his self-deprecation. "Hm, be careful, I might take you up on that and challenge you to a game of scrabble."

"Oh, you are _so_ on."

"I'll be at your place for seven then?" she proposes.

"Sound perfect," he accepts without missing a beat.

"Okay, I'll see you soon."

"I can't wait," he answers and the words send a rush of heat through her. She's going on a date tonight. With Rick.

* * *

She's home and trying to decide whether or not to change before she heads over to the Castles' place when she gets the call.

"Could I please speak with Ms. Katherine Beckett?" a woman asks when she answers the phone.

"That's me," Kate confirms.

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry to inform you that your father was in an accident…" The rest is a little fuzzy in her memory. She remembers the hospital the woman told her they brought her father to and she rushes over there immediately, but everything else after those first words is more of a blur.

And now, even as she waits in the sitting area, they won't tell her anything, only that he was in a car accident and that they needed to take him in for an emergency surgery. Her heart hasn't stopped hammering in her throat since she answered the phone, her hands clammy and her shoulders tense.

She can't… She can't lose her dad. Not now. Not when things were finally looking up for the both of them. Although, Kate realizes she was a fool to believe her dad was finally getting sober. It's most probably what got him here. He couldn't resist and finally relented, poured himself a drink and for whatever reason, decided he could still take the car and drive.

God, this is such a mess. She wishes she could just go back to the way things felt a couple of hours ago when her biggest worry was what to wear to go over to Rick's.

Rick. Shit, they had dinner plans and in her haste to get to the hospital as quickly as she could, with the panic and adrenaline running through her blood, she'd completely forgotten to let him know what was going on.

Kate curses under her breath and takes her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans, grateful that she at least had the presence of mind to bring it along with her before jumping in a cab over here. She looks down at the screen to find she has a voicemail message from him and a couple of texts asking her if everything is alright. Those were half an hour ago.

Foregoing listening to his voicemail or answering by text, she decides to call him instead, hoping he even picks up after what probably looks like she stood him up. That was the farthest thing from her intention but she wouldn't blame him for coming to that conclusion.

He picks up after the second ring.

"Kate, is everything okay?" He genuinely sounds worried and it triggers something inside her, has her voice catching, her throat closing up and the tears she's managed to hold at bay until now start to surface, stinging behind her eyes. He didn't assume the worst of her.

"My dad," she starts, but the rest of the sentence gets caught in her throat, can't get past her choked breaths. He must hear it in her voice nonetheless, must know just from those two words that no, everything is not okay.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asks, his voice gentle and his sincerity, his desire to help only has her chest growing tightest.

"Can you come to New York Presbyterian Hospital?" She isn't quite sure where the question comes from but she doesn't find that she regrets it. The thought of having him here is soothing somehow.

"Of course. I'm leaving right now, I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?" He accepts without hesitation and part of her thinks she doesn't deserve him, but she isn't about to tell him that now.

"Thank you, Rick," the words barely make it out as a whisper but he hears them.

"It's nothing Kate, really. I'm on my way." She can hear the faint backgrounds of the city behind him through the phone and it makes him feel closer somehow, calms her still racing heart.

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit then."

"See you soon."

* * *

It should probably feel like longer, like time ticks by slower than usual as she waits but she thinks she'd numb to it, her mind running a mile a minute with possible scenarios concerning her father.

Until she feels a gentle hand brush her shoulder. Startled, she looks up but his eyes soothe her, shake away the panic.

"Hey," he says, taking a seat in the chair next to her.

"Hey, thanks for coming." She says sheepishly, knows it's not how he'd hoped to spend the evening.

"I'm glad you asked me to."

Kate lets the corner of her lips lift up for him, wishes she could do more to express her gratitude but it's about all she can manage right now. He doesn't seem to mind. "Do you know anything about what happened?"

"Only that he was in a car accident and they had to take him in for an emergency surgery. They wouldn't tell me much else, said they couldn't be sure."

"He'll pull through," he says, even though they both know he can't be sure of that in any way. "He has to."

"I hope so," she says. "I just… I have no idea what I'm going to do if he doesn't."

She's so tired, the adrenaline finally beginning to dissipate from her veins and it leaves her feeling exhausted, so heavy in her chair. She doesn't think when she lets her head fall onto his shoulder, her hand slip into his. Her actions don't seem to faze him and he leans in a bit closer so that her back is arched more comfortably, squeezes her hand within his in silent comfort. Her eyes drift shut without her noticing and she allows her mind to go quiet now that he's here.

* * *

"Kate," he calls out her name, gently nudging her shoulder to try and rouse her without shocking her when the nurse comes over with news of her father. Rick feels her body jolt against his as she wakes from what appeared to be a deep sleep and she takes in her surroundings. It takes her less than a second to realize where she is and her hand tightens within his – still holding on from before she'd let herself drift off - when she notices the nurse, standing beside them.

"Is he okay?" she asks, her voice alert despite the heavy sleep.

The nurse nods, a tired smile lining her lips. "He will be." Kate takes in a shuddering breath beside him and she pulls her hand back from his to cover her face. "The surgery went well," the nurse continues and Kate looks up from where she's sitting. "He has a cracked rib from the impact of the crash and a mild concussion, but both should heal nicely with some rest and prescribed painkillers."

"Thank god," she murmurs. "When can I see him?"

"I can show you to his room right now," the woman turns towards one of the halls and they both rise from the uncomfortable plastic chairs of the waiting area. Before he can get very far though, he feels Kate's hand snag his and pull him back to look at her. "Thank you. Really."

He has to reel in the urge to kiss her because it's neither the time nor place, but the emotion in her eyes and the way the seams and ruffles of his shirt are still slightly imprinted on her cheek make it really difficult to pull away. He raises his hand to brush his thumb over the marks of his shirt on her skin and lets his lips curl upward in a smile. "It's not a problem at all, Kate."

She looks down at his lips and then back to meet his eyes, making it that much harder to resist but he squeezes her hand, knows it's not their time and pulls her along to follow the nurse down the corridor.

When they get to the room, he isn't sure if he should go in right away or give Kate some time with her father. He probably isn't awake yet, but still, he feels she has the right to some privacy if she needs it. Letting her go through the door first, he hangs back, lets her make the decision. She doesn't seem to notice his hesitance to enter until their linked hands cause their arms to stretch apart and she looks back at him in question.

"I can wait out here if you need some time?" he suggests. The last thing he wants is to be a nuisance or for her to feel uncomfortable around him. He was surprised when she asked him to meet her here over the phone a few hours earlier but it barely took him half a second to accept and hop in a cab. When she didn't show at the loft for the time they'd agreed upon he started thinking something might be wrong. He didn't think she'd be the type to bail on him for no reason at all and without notice, so her phone call had been a relief, and too quickly replaced by a thick sense of dread when she'd asked him to meet him at the hospital. But it wasn't even a question for him; he wants to be there for her, whatever she needs.

The tug of their joint hands in her direction is answer enough, but she reassures him with words nonetheless. "I'd rather you stay with me, if you don't mind."

It ricochets through his chest, her words making his heart beat a little out of time and he can't help but smile. "No place I'd rather be," he admits and Kate grins.

If nothing else, he's happy to have been able to make her smile tonight.

Kate pulls over two chairs to her father's bedside, and takes a seat in the one closest to the head of the bed, leaving the other for him.

"He'd been doing so well," she whispers and though she's looking at her father, he knows the words are for him. "He hadn't had a drop of alcohol in over a week. It's been a really long time since he made it this far and I-" her voice breaks a little but she checks herself. "I was really starting to think this time he'd make it."

"He still can," Ricks insists, even though the promise is not his to make. "Maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs to finally put it away for good."

She doesn't answer for a couple of seconds and her silence tells him she's less than optimistic.

"Maybe."

There isn't much else to say. He can't make promises for her father and shouldn't be giving her hope if there is none, especially about a man he doesn't know. They sit in silence for some time, and he doesn't mind it. Kate holds his hand in hers and he's happy to provide some sort of comfort.

It doesn't take too long for a doctor to come in and check up on Jim Beckett.

"Everything seems to be looking good," the man says after taking a look at Jim's vital signs. "I'll be back when he wakes up. It shouldn't be too long. Your father was extremely lucky to have been in the passenger seat and buckled in properly or things could have been much worse."

"Wait, he wasn't driving?" Kate asks, surprised. Apparently she heard just about as much as he did about what actually happened, which wasn't much at all.

"No, he was in a cab and another driver on the road lost control, ran into them."

"So he wasn't…" She sits up straighter in her seat and glances from the doctor to her father. "Had he been drinking?"

"No, nothing seemed to indicate that he'd been under the influence of any substance." He sees Kate take a heavy breath, her body expanding with it and some of the tension in her spine seems to melt away. She'd assumed her father had been drinking and caused the accident.

But he was clean.

"Thank you," she tells the doctor softly and he nods on his way out.

She lets go of Rick's hand to hold onto her father's, smiling proudly at him even though he isn't awake to see it.

Maybe things would be okay after all.

* * *

 **A/N: So sorry I didn't get the chance to update yesterday with all the excitement about Absentia. The show is amazing so far! Anyways, thank you so, so much for all your support for this story, it truly means the world to me. Also very happy to have reached the 30,000 word count for ficathon! Don't worry though, I'm not quite done with this story yet. I'm not sure how long it will be but there are still a couple of chapters left. :) -Zoe**

 _Twitter: ZoeKeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	10. Chapter 10

She's kicking herself for having so little faith. He hadn't been drinking, hadn't been the one to cause that accident.

It was just a fluke. It could have been her, or anyone else in the cab for that matter.

She should have believed in him. Shouldn't have been so quick to assume with little to no evidence that he'd been at fault.

Before she can berate herself anymore over it, she feels her father's hand move beneath hers and she looks up to his face, sees his eyes still closed.

"I think you might break my hand if you squeeze any harder, Katie," Jim croaks, his voice scratchy from being asleep for so long but the sound has her heart somersaulting in her chest, the pressure on her shoulders lifting like a veil.

"Sorry," Kate laughs and releases some of the pressure in her grip, let's her hand rest on top of his instead of holding on for dear life. "I'm so glad you're okay, Dad."

"Me too, Katie," he reclaims her fingers and squeezes gently. "And who might this gentleman be?"

Kate feels her cheeks flush as her dad looks over at Rick sitting in the chair next to her. It hadn't occurred to her that this would be their first meeting. Not exactly how she would have pictured him meeting her dad for the first time. Not that she had thought about it. Not at all.

"I'm Rick," he answers before Kate can introduce him. "Pleasure to meet you, Sir."

"Ah, so this is the Rick I've been hearing about?" Her father turns to her and there is absolutely nothing she'd want more than to crawl under the bed right now. She can feel Rick's gaze on her, can picture his smirk and the playful quirk of his eyebrow as he silently asks her to elaborate but she ignores him, glares at her father instead.

"Only good things I hope?" Rick asks and it comes out a little shy despite the fact that he probably meant it as a joke.

"That's for me to know," Jim tells him with a grin and Rick gulps. It's amusing to see them together, feels more comfortable and less strained than she'd have thought. "But the fact that you're here now says a lot about you, son. Thank you for that."

Rick's smile is genuine and she doesn't know where it comes from but she feels the urge to hold his hand for some reason, craves his touch. "It's no trouble at all, Sir. Kate is always great company, no matter how grim the setting." His words send flutters through her, heat flooding the blood that runs through her veins.

"Call me Jim," her father corrects and Rick nods before rising from his chair.

"I should probably get going, I don't want to intrude on your time together," he explains. She doesn't want him to go but her father probably needs rest.

"I'll walk you to the door." She stands to meet him and ignores the smirk her father is sporting from the bed.

He exists the room ahead of her and Kate eases the door shut softly behind her.

"You didn't have to, Kate, you should be with your dad-"

She doesn't think, doesn't reason through it, she only lets herself feel as she lifts up on her toes and brushes her lips against his in a gentle kiss. It takes him by surprise, not unlike their first kiss in the supply closet and her lips curve upward against his at the thought, but just like then, he reacts instantly, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, smooth his thumb across her skin. He kisses her back, his lips moving languidly against hers and she can feel the way he wants her in the reverence of mouth, the barely there stroke of his tongue before he must remember that they are still in the middle of a highly populated hospital hallway. The realization has her heart beating faster and her cheeks burning a darker shade of pink, but it's nothing compared to the heat that ignites low in her abdomen as he nips at her lower lip, cherishes her mouth with his like it's the one thing he values most. She doesn't want to let him go.

But she has to. She lets herself fall back on her feet when they separate, but she doesn't go far, their faces still only inches apart. "Thank you," she says again. "For being here." She looks up into his eyes and she notices that the usually peaceful cerulean blue is now the color of a stormy sea, a change that's most likely due to arousal, if he feels any bit as warm as she does.

"Whenever you need me, I'll be here."

"That's quite the promise."

"It is," he agrees. "And I'll do my very best to uphold it."

"I'll call you?"

"I'll be waiting." She can't hold back the smile that crosses her lips. He's ridiculous. And sweet. And she really doesn't want him to go but she also should go see how her father is doing.

"Go," he says, making the decision for her as he lets his hand fall from her cheek to her hand and squeezes it gently within hers.

"Okay," she agrees, but she doesn't open the door to the room immediately. He begins to walk backwards, lets her hand go and she watches him walk down the corridor instead. She laughs when he wiggles her eyebrows at her and rolls her eyes at him, finally opening the door to join her father again. She takes a second to lean against the wall before she turns the corner to see her dad and takes in a deep breath.

She just kissed Rick Castle and she doesn't regret it for a second.

Kate walks the few steps to her father's bedside and he's looking at her with a knowing smile lining his lips. She narrows her eyes at him.

"Shut up," she tells him, but they are both laughing. She's just so glad he's okay.

* * *

It's been a week since her dad was admitted into the hospital because of the crash and she's texted with Rick every day. They haven't been able to reschedule their dinner, but they've talked every night, about school, Alexis, her father. Their conversations never seem to run dry, only ending because one of them starts succumbing to the call of sleep most nights.

It's crazy but she misses him. Ever since they kissed –again- she just… Can't stop thinking about it. Or him. Everything has been so busy between her schedule at school and helping her dad because of his broken rib.

But she can't stop thinking about it. About how good his lips felt under hers, about how she can't wait to do it again. She knew they've always had _something,_ but now that she knows him, how great of a father he is and how much he cares, it seems… intensified.

That is, until Lanie brings over a copy of the New York Ledger and drops it on her desk.

"Please tell me that's not what it looks like?" her friend asks, an unhappy look on her face.

Kate picks up the paper and her heart skips at the sight of him before she takes in the entire picture. He's with a woman. A blond, very good looking woman and they are smiling about something over a shared dinner. It looks intimate, like he's having a really good time and the excitement she'd felt moments ago about their kiss starts to dissipate, sinking like a rock in her stomach.

 _Is Richard Castle ready to take things to the next level with Black Pawn Publisher Gina Cowell?_

He'd told her he'd had a dinner with his publisher this week and he'd even called her afterward. Although, now that she thinks about it, he called pretty late that night. She knows she shouldn't be making assumptions, shouldn't be making up stories to go with this picture but… She can't say they don't look like a couple.

"I… don't know," she tells Lanie, hoping she can't read the disappointment off her face.

"I thought you guys were getting close? You said you had a date scheduled and everything."

"We never called it a date. It was just dinner. I mean… I thought we were too? I don't know, Lanie. Maybe I just read this whole thing wrong?" She doesn't understand.

"Oh, no. You kissed. There's no reading wrong into that," Lanie insists and it has the anger building up inside her.

"What do you want me to say, Lanie? I guess I didn't know he and his publisher were this close." She drops the paper to her desk and sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"So that's it?"

"What?"

"You aren't going to fight for him? Show him what he's missing while he's going out to dinner with blondie over here instead of with you?"

"I… He can make his own choices. She's probably used to his kind of life anyway. I wouldn't want to end up in the paper."

"Katherine Beckett, don't you dare fall back on arguments you know aren't true. You told me yourself he wasn't like the things they made him out to be in the paper. You told me he doesn't really live 'that kind of life' so don't give me that crap."

"Well what do you want me to say then?"

"I want you to say you're going to stake your claim. Show him what happens when he goes out on a date with another woman."

"It wasn't a date. He told me it was a business dinner," she defends, despite the fact that the picture has her stomach churning, like acid washing her insides. She wishes she hadn't seen this.

"Is that what all your usual business dinners look like? Dressed and dolled up over supper at Le Cirque?"

She glares at Lanie across the desk. She knows exactly what her friend is doing, trying to get a rise out of her, to make her angry and hopefully go over and convince Richard Castle that she's worth his time. And quite honestly, she can't say it isn't working.

"Fine." She says before she can back out. "I'll go over there tonight and talk to him."

"Good. Because my girl does not deserve crap like this in the paper." Kate rolls her eyes but lets the smile curve her lips. Lanie's always been protective of her. She isn't afraid of pushing her to her limits either. "I better hear about how this goes tonight. I expect a full report and don't think you can dodge me, Kate Beckett," Lanie says as she struts her way out of the classroom presumably back to her science labs.

Before she loses her nerve, Kate takes hold of her phone and pulls up his contact.

 _Any plans for tonight?_ She hits send even as her heart hammers in her chest, warning her this might not be such a good idea.

His response comes almost immediately.

 _My mother just told me she'll be taking Alexis out for their monthly shopping expedition, curtesy of my credit card. So I'll be home tracking my credit, most likely._

She chuckles and shakes her head despite the fact that she knows he can't see her.

 _I might be concerned if I didn't know you were a best-selling author,_ she sends back.

 _I could use some company to keep me from going crazy and hitting refresh every ten minutes?_

He's asking her over for dinner and this is it, what she'd wanted when she'd started their conversation. All she has to do is accept.

 _I think that could be arranged._ She fires off the response before she changes her mind and it has her heart clenching tightly in her chest, knowing what her plans are, why she's going over in the first place. To claim him.

 _I'll be waiting with supper. Come over whenever you're ready._

She doesn't even know if he's seen the Ledger today, if he knows he's featured in it with his publisher rumored to be his date. She wishes she were unaffected but saying that would be a lie. The truth is, she _does_ want to claim him. She wants him to be hers and if that means putting herself out there, showing her full deck, then it's something she'll have to accept.

And if he doesn't want her that way, then at least she'll know and the sooner she'll be able to move on.

* * *

It isn't too much later that she finds herself standing in front of his door, her hand hesitating to knock in mid-air. Can she really do this? She can't remember the last time she felt this vulnerable. She knows what she wants, but going after it and putting everything on the line is a different story.

This thing with Rick, it feels… real to her. It feels like they could actually have a shot at making this work, despite how incompatible they might appear to be on paper. She likes him. Really likes him.

And she hasn't allowed herself to feel this way about anyone since her mother died. Well, that isn't exactly true: she didn't particularly _allow_ him in. It's probably much more accurate to say that he pushed and prodded until she gave him a chance, until he made her see that they weren't so ill-assorted after all.

Up until this point, he's the one who's pushed, made the first steps forward to see this thing through. It's her turn now to show him that she wants this, that she _doesn't_ want him going on dates with his publisher for people to write about in the paper.

She knocks on the door, her returned confidence making her brave. He's shown her what he wants, or at least she's almost certain that she knows what he wants. She thought he knew after their kiss at the hospital and after all those nights they spent talking on the phone, but maybe she hasn't been clear. He might still be waiting.

All she has to do is give the go-ahead. And if it's still what he wants after that dinner with his publisher, then she's ready.

The lock turns from the other side of the door and he swings it open, a bright smile hanging on his lips. She forgets what she wanted to say, forgets her bold plans and her practiced words at the sight of him in a navy blue dress shirt rolled up to his elbows and a light in his eyes that seems to burn solely for her.

She leaps. Does the one thing she's been thinking about all week, before this mess with the paper became news to her. She tugs on the lapels of his shirt and brings his smile down to meet hers, one of her hands sliding up to the nape of his neck, her fingers running through the short hairs at the base of his skull.

He moans when his lips brush against hers, his hands landing at her waist and pulling her in closer, her hips lining up with his in just the right way and she gasps against his mouth. He swallows it with his tongue, not so shy to take what he wants now that they no longer have an audience like they did last week at the hospital. This time it's just him and her and he goes all-in, devastating her mouth with his, hungry yet reverent at the same time and she lets him, _god_ she doesn't remember the last time anything felt this good, the last time she felt so wanted. His tongue sweeps against hers, an erotic dance that has heat pooling in her midsection, the muscles of her abdomen clenching and her lower body rolls against him, desperate for friction.

He obliges, pivots on one foot so that her back lands against the inside of the open doorframe and he lets his hand move down to her bottom, pushing her body into his. Her nerves sing, liquid fire rushing through her veins as he hits just the right spot and her back arches, her mouth falling open against his on a moan.

"Kate," he groans, panting against her cheek, his voice low and filled with arousal and it does nothing but turn her on further. She can feel how much this is affecting him, their hips aligned and pressing together intimately. "That was, um" he clears his throat and she looks up to meet his gaze. "That was quite the greeting." She laughs and she can see equal amusement and arousal in his eyes.

"I've been thinking about doing that all week," she confesses, biting down on her bottom lip.

"God you're beautiful," he says, bringing his hand up to her jaw, and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Look quite handsome yourself, Mr. Castle," she teases and she revels in the immediate affect she sees it has on him, how he swallows hard and his hands hold on a little tighter at her waist. But she pushes against him with her hands at his chest, moving away from the doorframe and into the loft. "I do believe I was promised dinner?" she arches a brow in challenge.

"And dinner you shall have," he answers dutifully, laughing as he follows her into the apartment, his eyes still betraying how a different kind of hunger had made itself known just seconds prior and still lingers in his blood.

"I'm glad I can trust you to keep your word," she taunts with a smirk, heading towards the kitchen but sparing a glance back at him.

He moves past her to the oven while she settles at the table he's already set with plates, cutlery, two glasses of wine and a candle lit between them. Covering his hands with oven-mits, Rick pulls out a large dish she can tell is lasagna, just by the smell and the perfect blend of tomato and cheese has her mouth watering.

"That smells amazing," she admits, opening up the wine he's set on the table with a corkscrew and pouring each of them a decent glass.

"Well, I'm not Martha Stewart, but I have to admit, I make a mean lasagna. Alexis can testify to that."

"Judging by the smell, I'd believe it," she smiles as he sets down the large dish on the table between them. "There's no way we're going to finish all of that."

"Alexis actually already requested left-overs when I told her that's what I was making for tonight, so you won't be hearing any complaints for not finishing it." He walks back to the kitchen to dim the lights and Kate feels the butterflies in her stomach start to flutter. He sits across from her at the table and pulls out a lighter, holds it to a candle's wick, waiting for the flame to catch.

"She knew I was coming over for supper?"

"Yeah. She was kind of sad to miss it but she's the one who suggested I make my lasagna actually." Kate raises a brow in question. "Apparently, she thought it was my best bet to impress you."

"You wanted to impress me?" She asks, a little shy but heat in her abdomen betrays her excitement. He looks over at her with so much in his eyes and it should scare her, but, for some reason, with him, it doesn't.

"Hopefully I'll do more than impress you one day, but for now, yeah. We can start with that."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you so much for all your comments! I love hearing what you think about each chapter. ;) -Zoe**

 _Twitter: ZoeKeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	11. Chapter 11

The lasagna is as delicious as she'd anticipated judging from the smell, and it isn't very long before they are both stuffed, leaning back in their chairs and sipping at the last of their wine.

Conversation flowed at a steady pace throughout their dinner; he managed to coax a few laughs out of her and she may or may not have let her foot slide along the length of his calf. His reaction had been worth it. He'd nearly choked around his bite of lasagna but his eyes had said it all after he'd gotten over the initial surprise. The touch had been electrifying, sent sparks through her limbs and up to her center.

She wants him and she's almost positive he wants her just as much, but the burning question she's been meaning to ask all night hadn't made it into the conversation yet. It's been nagging at her, a sense of nervousness never leaving and her stomach churns at the thought of that article in the paper. They had fallen silent for a few moments, both taking some time to let the food settle in their stomachs and enjoy the rest of the wine. He takes their dishes to the sink and she follows him, intent on helping him despite how he waves her off and tries to get her to sit instead.

But it's burning her from the inside, despite the fact that he's made his intentions more than clear tonight, even before tonight if she's being honest with herself, but she just... She needs to know.

"Had you seen the Ledger today?" She blurts it out and as soon as the words leave her mouth she wants to slap herself.

Smooth, Kate.

She doesn't look at him, focuses on drying the plate he's just washed in the sink. Maybe she can play it off as an innocent question.

But he knows what she's talking about immediately. "You saw that?" He asks and sighs, looking almost defeated when she shrugs, shaking his head. "They always twist things around without any context and end up so off base."

She feels bad, ashamed almost, that she fell for it yet again, but the picture is still imprinted in her mind and her baseless, ridiculous worries get the best of her.

"So... there was really no truth to what they printed?

He lets the plate drop back into the water-filled sink and turns to her. She wants to avert her eyes, take the words back but he leaves her no choice, tilts her head up gently with his index so that she meets his gaze and the look she finds there sucks the air from her lungs, robs her of breath.

"Kate," he says, so close now, his forehead nearly touching hers and she has to focus not to let her eyes drift down to his lips. "If I haven't made myself abundantly clear by now, I'm not sure what will but there's no one else I want but you. You've made me feel things I don't think I've ever felt with anyone else, have me wanting things I didn't know I wanted." The words shock her and she manages to take in a shaky breath. "I don't want to scare you, and I know it's soon, that you haven't known me for all that long but please-"

He cuts himself off, frustrated by the tangled mess of words in his head and sighs. "You have to believe me, nothing happened, I don't _want_ anything to happen with Gina, I just want you."

She's heard enough: enough to know that she believes him, trusts him, wants him more than she ever thought she would, more than she's ever wanted anyone. And it scares her - her feelings and his words both - but it feels right and she doesn't want to let go.

She surges up on her toes and brings him down to her, her hands moving up to lace around his neck and he doesn't hesitate, pulls her against him, his palms gripping her waist. His hands are still wet from washing the plates and she gasps as the water seeps through her shirt, imprinting the feel of his fingers to her skin. He pulls back a little, realizing that he's gotten her shirt wet.

"Sorry-" he starts to apologize but she swallows his words, reaches for his quickly retracting hands and pulls them back to her waist. She doesn't care about her shirt, doesn't care about the water seeping through her clothes. All she can think about is the searing heat of his skin and how good his lips feel against hers.

He moans when she sucks his bottom lip into her mouth and she feels the vibrations reverberate through her, steals the opportunity and lets her tongue slip past the barrier of his lips to tangle with his.

Kate whimpers when she feels his hands slipping beneath her shirt, finally making contact with her skin and she can't help the way her leg moves up to hook at his hip. She needs friction, god, nothing has ever felt this good and she never wants it to end. But she feels him start to slow, his lips moving more languidly against hers and she wants to sob when she feels him pull back slightly, already plagued by the loss. But he doesn't go far, lets his lips drift to her cheek, across her jaw and down to her neck.

"Kate," he starts and the sound of her name leaving his lips sends a wave of heat spearing through her, straight to her midsection. "Maybe we should slow this down," he suggests but his actions betray his words as he continues to lay gentle kisses to her skin and bites down on her pulse point. Her fingers tighten in his hair, holding him close as she does her best to keep breathing despite the assault of his tongue.

"I don't want to slow down," she admits, somewhere between a whisper and moan. Rick groans and his fingers squeeze at her hips. She can feel the way he doesn't want to stop either, the reaction of his body a testament to just how much he wants this, wants her.

"I don't want this to be because of the article. Don't want you to regret-"

She pulls him back up to her lips with her hands at his ears because she doesn't want to hear another word, not when she knows it's so far from the truth. But he needs to know, needs the reassurance and she wants to give it to him.

She brings his mouth back up to meet hers, sips from his lips, soft and reverent and when she pulls back she hopes he sees the depths of what she feels in her eyes.

"I could never regret this, Rick. Not with you."

He takes in her words, their meaning and she sees the light come alive in his eyes, like he's seeing her again for the first time, like a switch has been flipped and the moment seems to last a lifetime. And then he moves, his hands coming up to frame her face and his lips crash over hers, finally letting himself take what he wants and god, _yes_ , she wants him to let go, to just feel. He doesn't waste any time, uses the leverage of her leg still braced at his hip to haul her against him, picking her up off the ground and carrying her towards where she assumes is the bedroom. She gasps in surprise but adjusts her grip, her arms wrapping more securely around his neck and she holds on, reveling in the tight press of their bodies together. He navigates through the apartment expertly despite how little he must actually see with her in his arms. Her heart is thundering in her chest when they cross the threshold to his bedroom, knows what this means, that there is no coming back from tonight. And she should probably feel more anxious than she does, but she's not. She feels safe in his arms and there's no denying her body craves him, yearns to pull him in closer. She wants him to undo her.

Once they reach the bed, Rick sets her down on her feet, looking down at her to confirm that this is still okay. He's always been so sweet, so mindful and considerate, but she doesn't want him hesitating about this.

She pulls back enough for her hands to fit between their bodies and she slowly begins to unbutton his shirt, her eyes never leaving his. His eyes are a storm of intimate cerulean, clouding with indigo and she sees the way he swallows hard when she slips the shirt from his shoulders, want sparking in his irises.

She lets the shirt fall to the floor and her hands move up to his chest, absorbing the warmth of his skin beneath her palms. She takes in his broad shoulders, the definition of muscles lining his bones and her hands move to the rhythm of his every breath.

Her eyes drift back up to meet his and she's so glad to see the smile that lines his lips.

"You're pretty damn extraordinary, you know that?" His words surprise her and light her on fire simultaneously. She feels her cheeks flush pink, but he doesn't let her hide away, brings her eyes back to meet his with his index finger under her chin.

"You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Castle," she answers with a shy grin.

He smiles back at her, and then reaches for the hem of her shirt, lifting it up, letting his hands trail along the length of her waist, her ribs, his thumbs skimming the undersides of her breasts, engulfing her in flame and then he finally lifts to pass it over her head.

"God, you're so beautiful," he whispers against her skin, his lips brushing her neck as he trails kisses down to her clavicle, exploring the newly revealed skin like he has all the time in the world.

Her breathing feels ragged, uneven, but the burn is exquisite. It feels like she's on a high, like he's lifting her up to new heights and she never wants to come down. And he hasn't even taken off her pants yet.

The thought has her reaching for his hips, taking hold of the belt and unbuckling it, sliding it free from around his waist. He pants, letting out a long exhale when she allows her hands to drift lower, feel the way he wants her until she pulls a growl from his throat. She smiles into his neck, proud and exhilarated that she can pull these wanton sounds from him, that she affects him just as much as he does her.

"Kate," he groans her name in what she knows is self-restraint and she feels powerful with it, but it also feels like she has something sacred to protect. He trusts her with his body, his heart, and she wants to show him how much it means to her, wants to give back just as good as she gets.

So she hooks her fingers in one of the belt loops of his pants and guides him forward while she moves back towards the bed, keeping him close.

Kate sits on the edge of the bed, moving up the mattress and he follows without question, covering her body with his and she whimpers when he takes her mouth once more, hadn't realized how much she'd needed to taste his lips again.

"Please, Rick," she sighs, doesn't even know what she's begging for beyond the drape of his body over hers and the never ending fire he's set in her.

But he does. He knows what she wants, what she needs, and he gives it to her. Shows her all the things she didn't even know she wanted or needed. He gives her everything.

* * *

He's barely aware of the sound of an alarm blaring and he doesn't have the presence of mind to do anything more than groan and nestle deeper into the warmth of his bed, nuzzling his nose at her neck. He feels the bed dip and the warmth he's been holding onto begins to disappear, slip away.

But before he can start to open his eyes he hears her voice.

"I have to go home to change before work," the words somehow filter through the thick fog of sleep and he hums, thinks he understands what she's saying. "Go back to sleep," she whispers and lays a kiss to his cheek. He sighs, tries to pull her closer, wants to convince her to skip out on work and stay curled up with him in bed all day, but the cloud of sleep doesn't allow the words to make it past his lips.

"I'll call you," she says and he smiles because she isn't even gone and he can't wait to hear her voice again.

"M'kay," he mumbles, his brain to mouth filter not working the way he'd like. "Have a good day. Love you."

* * *

She carries the words with her all the way to her apartment. They echo in her mind as she exits the loft, makes her way to her place in a cab and rides the elevator up to her floor.

He loves her.

He was asleep, conscious enough to hear her and register her words but not there enough to filter his words. He most likely hadn't been thinking, but he'd said the words nonetheless and they'd sent her heart soaring to heights she hadn't anticipated she could reach.

Last night had been... Well it had been everything. He'd worshipped her body, held her with so much care and put her pleasure above all else. The memories alone have her skin flushing, her insides yearning for a repeat performance. She knew there was more to it than just the act of two bodies working together, more than just sex. But she hadn't wanted to put a label on it, not when neither of them had spoken the words.

But this morning he'd said them, he'd said he loves her and her heart had exalted. She'd frozen immediately, shock coursing through her system but then the warmth of his words had pooled through her, laced her veins with excitement and joy and she can't remember a time she'd felt her cheeks ache from the split of her smile. And so she'd let her mind go unfiltered as well, following his unconscious lead and she'd set the words free, words she hadn't spoken in years.

"Love you too." Her lips had grazed his ear, hoping that despite his hazy state, he'd remember them when he woke later this morning. She'd wanted nothing more than to call in a replacement for work and curl up in bed with him again, let herself be sheltered by his embrace but she knew she couldn't. So she'd lain a final kiss to his cheek and tiptoed silently to the door. She'd have called it a walk of shame, only there was none of that involved. She'd promised Rick she wouldn't regret it and her words still ring true. She wouldn't take back their night for anything in the world.

* * *

By the time she gets to work, she's a little bit more behind schedule than she'd usually prefer to be but she isn't late per se, just has to rush to get her morning dose of coffee.

"Something's different," she jumps at her friend's voice coming from behind her as she prepares herself a cup of espresso. Espresso from _his_ machine, she reminds herself and it has a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She turns to find Lanie appraising her from head to toe and resists the urge to shrink away from her piercing gaze. "I do believe I asked for details about last night. Did you go to him?"

Kate feels her cheeks warm as memories of last night resurface at Lanie's words and she has to actively concentrate not to squeeze her legs together to try and alleviate some of the tension.

God, she's pretty sure they opened something like Pandora's box yesterday because she can't stop thinking about it, can't stop wanting more of him ever since she opened her eyes this morning. It was an active effort not to wake him with kisses and the sharp nip of her teeth. But she knew she wouldn't have had time to finish whatever she'd have started and that just wasn't fair to either of them. Not that she's about to tell Lanie that. No way is she sharing those details.

"I'm late for class, Lanie," she says, evades her friend's interrogation, grabs her fresh cup of coffee and heads towards the hall, to the sanctuary of her classroom.

"Don't think you're getting away so easily, Kate Beckett. We aren't done talking about this!" She hears Lanie call as she makes her escape and she chuckles, loves her nosy, gossip hungry science professor despite the fact that she'd rather keep the memories of last night to herself. She won't be telling Lanie everything, that's for sure, but she does deserve to know things went well, though Kate has a feeling she's already figured out that much. Shaking her head, Kate tries to put it out of her mind. She can figure out what to say to Lanie later.

"Good morning, everyone," Kate greets her students when she enters the classroom and a chorus of "good morning Miss Beckett," follows.

She starts her class with a short reading but about half way through, they get interrupted by the grainy voice over the intercom.

"Excuse me, Ms. Beckett?" the secretary asks, cutting everyone's attention from the reading to the side of the room where the intercom is built into the wall.

"Yes?" Kate asks, moving closer to the wall to make sure she hears.

"Would it be possible to have Alexis Castle come to the front office? There's been a family emergency."

Her heart squeezes in her chest and she looks over at Alexis who is already watching her, wide eyed and a little scared.

"Of course," Kate answers the secretary and she sees Alexis rise from her seat, putting away her notes and pencils in her bag. She meets her at the door and keeps her voice low, aware that they have the entire class' attention at their backs.

"Hey," she says laying a hand to Alexis' shoulder. "It's going to be okay. Tell your dad he can call me if you need anything, okay?" She can see how terrified the girl is and the urge to pull Alexis into her arms is strong. The fact that she has to resist, for the rest of the class' sake, has her stomach churning uneasily. She squeezes her shoulder instead and gives her what she hopes is a reassuring smile. Alexis nods, hey eyes downcast.

"Will I miss any important work?"

Kate shakes her head. "Don't worry about that, sweetie. I'll make sure you aren't behind," she assures her, letting her hand run through Alexis' hair before she can think better of it. But Alexis moves in closer, wrapping her arms around her waist in a quick hug and Kate can't bring herself to be upset about it, not when she secretly wanted to do the same.

"Thank you, Kate," she whispers and it tugs at her heart strings.

"Go," she urges her. "Everything is going to be okay," she says again, though she can't be sure of that. Alexis turns to leave and she spins to face the class again, but her stomach is in knots, twisting uncomfortably every time she takes a breath and she counts down the minutes to when she'll be able to text him, to ask if everything is alright.

* * *

 **A/N: You guys are the sweetest! You have no idea how much your words of encouragement motivate me. I'm doing my very best to keep the updates regular on a weekly basis, but midterm season is upon us so please don't hate me if I miss a week! - Zoe**

 _Twitter: zoekeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	12. Chapter 12

As soon as her class ends and the kids are released for recess, Kate grabs her phone from her purse and selects his contact to send him a text. He hasn't sent her anything, which also has her a little hesitant, biting her bottom lip in hesitation. Shouldn't he know that she'd be worried about this? Or maybe he just doesn't think that this is her place. Maybe he hasn't thought to contact her because he doesn't feel like this concerns her.

She isn't family. She knows that. But she cares about both of them, _loves_ them more than she's loved anyone that wasn't immediate family in a long time, maybe ever.

 _I really hope everything is okay_ , she sends, before she can convince herself that it's a bad idea.

His response is almost immediate.

 _I had what I think is the best night of my life, why wouldn't I be?_

She stares at her phone in confusion. The mixed signals are making her head spin. The mention of their night has her insides fluttering, but the way he completely evades the question has her wondering if he's purposefully shutting her out.

Anger flares in her gut. She may not be immediate family, but he knows she cares deeply for Alexis and the least he could do is let her know if everything is alright. She doesn't need the details, but playing dumb with her isn't going to cut it, not when she's spent the last hour worried sick.

 _A family emergency?_ she texts back, hopefully clueing him in to the fact that she knows something's up, that he can't just pretend Alexis wasn't pulled out of class and hasn't returned.

He doesn't answer right away and after thirty seconds - which feels more like an eternity - her phone buzzes in her hand. He's calling her.

"Hello?" Kate answers.

"I'm confused. What do you mean by family emergency?" She wants to be upset with him but he actually sounds like he has no idea what in the world she's taking about.

"Alexis was called out of class this morning because of a family emergency. I was worried and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

He's silent on the other side of the line and a sense of dread washes over her. Does he really not know about this?

"Kate, there's no family emergency. I never had her pulled out of class."

"Are you telling me you don't know anything about this?"

"I don't."

Her heart thrashes violently in her chest at his words but she gets up from her desk immediately, bolting to the door.

"I need to call my mother, see if she knows what's going on," he says, his voice distraught.

"I'm going to the office right now and finding out who exactly signed her out," she says jogging to the secretary's office. "We'll find her, Rick."

He doesn't say anything and the pain in her chest tightens, threatening to tear her to pieces but this is not the time for her to lose it. Alexis needs her. He needs her. "I'll call you back when I speak to the office."

* * *

He hangs up the phone and he nearly drops the device to the floor. His limbs feel numb, his heart squeezing viscerally in his chest.

Alexis is gone. Someone took her from school.

He blindly dials his mother's number, hopes to god this is her doing because he doesn't know how he'll deal with this if she has no idea what he's talking about.

"Richard, Darling! How are you?" she asks her voice as jovial as ever and acid rolls in his stomach.

"Mother, did you take Alexis from school?" he asks, cutting right to the chase.

"From school? Richard I'm in the middle of a rehearsal, why on Earth would you think that?"

His heart beats hard in his chest, a painful pound that reverberates through the cage of his ribs and his entire body feels as though it's pulsating. "Richard, what's going on?" he hears his mother ask through the receiver but the world is spinning and he has to reach for the edge of the counter to stay upright.

"Someone took her from school," he says, his voice barely above a whisper and he feels the bile rise in his throat as his own words register. "I have to go, Mother. I'll keep you updated."

He puts the phone down and forces himself to breathe in deeply, wills his stomach to calm so he can keep his head straight and _think_. His baby girl needs him. He needs to get it together. Now.

His phone buzzes on the counter and he looks up immediately, his heart rate picking up again when he sees her name flash across the screen.

"Kate?" He can probably hear the desperation in her voice.

"They said it was her mother. Alexis left with her. Is that possible?"

Meredith.

Meredith took her. The panic in his chest begins to recede but it's quickly replaced by anger. She can't go into school and take his daughter whenever she damn well pleases. She has no custodial rights, and Alexis is his, legally. There's no way he's letting this fly.

"Rick?" Kate asks and he realizes he hasn't answered her.

"Thank you, Kate. I'll call Meredith right now and track her down."

"So she's okay?" He can hear the worry in her voice, how much this has shaken her too and he just wants to pull her close, hold her until the rest of the anxiety drains from his body.

"I don't think Meredith would hurt her, but I'm going to find her. I'll call you as soon as I have any news."

"Okay," she breathes, and he senses her relax on the other side of the phone.

"I have to go, but I'll call you soon," he reassures, wishes he could have her by his side more than anything right now. "And Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For caring about her enough to call me."

"Always," she says simply and his heart skips faster but not in panic this time. God, he's in love with this woman. "Now call Meredith and let me know what happens," she urges before he can respond.

"I will."

He hangs up the phone and dials Meredith's number immediately. His call goes to voice mail.

Confused, he hangs ups and dials the number again only to be met with the voicemail once more.

Irritation and fury boils in his blood. Does the woman have no ounce of common sense? Either she's being extremely dense or has completely lost her mind. She can't take his daughter from school without telling him and shut off her goddamn phone.

But he isn't messing around, not when his daughter's safety is at stake. So he does the first thing he can think of and calls Roy Montgomery, Captain of the twelfth precinct. They've played poker together on occasion, with some of his other connections in law enforcement and he's always liked the man. Rick just hopes to god he can help him.

"Captain Montgomery," he answers.

"Roy, it's Rick Castle. Listen, I need your help."

"You steal a police horse again, Ricky?" The Captain muses, humor lining his voice and normally he would laugh along but not right now.

"It's my daughter," he says, his voice serious and Montgomery sobers up instantly.

"I'm listening."

"My ex-wife, she took Alexis from school without telling me and she's shut off her phone."

"You think it could be a kidnapping?"

"I..." he hesitates, doesn't think Meredith would be capable of doing anything like that but he can't be sure. "I don't know. I just need to find Alexis."

"We're on it. I'm putting two of my best detectives on the case. I'll call you as soon as we have anything."

"Thank you, Roy. I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything. We'll find her."

Rick hangs up the phone and lets his elbows fall to the counter, his back bowed as he holds his head between his hands. He can't believe he just had to call the police on his ex-wife for a possible kidnapping. Blowing out a long breath, he takes a moment to regroup.

He'd woken up this morning, disappointed to find Kate gone from his bed but he recalls talking to her before she'd left. The conversation is fuzzy in his mind, the details escaping him but he remembers her leaning over him, her hair tickling his skin. She'd told him they'd talk soon and then...

He searches his brain, feels like there was more to it than that. He thinks about it for a long minute until it hits him.

He'd told her he loved her. He groans as the memory becomes clear, emerges from the fog. Shit.

That was _not_ how he was supposed to tell her. Especially not the first time. Moving over the living room, he lets himself sink down to the couch and resists the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. She deserves so much more than that. More than a half-asleep confession after their first night together.

Oh, and what a night it had been. She'd blown his mind, loved his body with the utmost reverence and passion and honestly he has no idea how she got up this morning, not when they were up past three in the morning, insatiable after that first time. He couldn't help it: he'd had a taste and it was all it took to get him hooked. And god, she'd been so eager, so devastatingly willing to give herself over to him time and time again. He's pretty sure he's been ruined for anyone else.

But after a night like that, he'd wanted their first morning together to be something special. And now, not only had he missed that opportunity when she'd left his bed at five this morning, but they hadn't even had the chance to talk properly with this fiasco Meredith has orchestrated. He can only hope he hasn't ruined anything, that this is something he can fix.

A knock on the door shakes him from his thoughts and he rises from the couch to open it.

"Kate," he says, surprised to find her there when he pulls the door open.

"I took the rest of the day off," she explains. "I couldn't think straight and I - I wanted to see you."

He reaches for her and she comes to him immediately, fitting into his embrace like a perfect puzzle piece. "Thank you," he murmurs against the skin of her neck and the sweet smell of her hair has him breathing more easily.

"I didn't do anything-"

"You're here," he says simply before she can protest any more. "And without you I never would have known she was gone and his could have been an even bigger mess than it already is."

He pulls back from her embrace so he can frame her face between his hands, tuck her hair behind her ears. Kate lifts her hand to cover his and she pushes up on her toes, coming in closer. Closing the distance between them, he covers her lips with his, sipping from her mouth in silent thanks. He's so glad he has her, that she's here. He needs her to know, needs to reinforce the words he spoke so carelessly a few hours ago.

"Kate, about this morning," he starts, a bit out of breath from her kiss and the desire she has coursing through him.

He pulls back and sees something light up in her eyes at his words, the beginning of a smile at her lips.

But his phone rings loudly from his back pocket, the moment lost before it can begin and he sighs. Reaching for it, he sees it's the precinct.

"Roy?"

"We tracked down her financials," Montgomery informs him. "She bought two plane tickets to Paris two hours ago on her credit card."

"To _Paris_?" he asks incredulously, his voice rising and he feels Kate bristle beside him, sees the panic flare in her eyes.

"We've alerted airport security and we're headed there now. She won't leave the country, Rick."

"I'm on my way," he says, hanging up the phone and he grabs Kate's hand, pulling her out of the apartment, bypassing the elevator and heading for the stairs.

She follows him without question and he hails a cab as soon as they make it out of the building. "I'll pay whatever you want if you can get us to JFK airport in 45 minutes," he tells the driver, who nods and speeds off the curb.

He feels Kate take hold of his hand and he laces their fingers together.

"What's going on?" She asks now that they can't do anything more than wait for the cabbie to get them to the airport.

He looks over at her and having her close helps him keep it together as he speaks the words. "Meredith had her phone turned off when I tried calling her to know what was going on. So I called a friend of mine, Roy Montgomery. He's a Captain with the NYPD. He just told me Meredith bought two tickets to Paris this morning. She's taking Alexis."

Horror blooms behind her eyes and he squeezes her hand firmly.

"Montgomery said they wouldn't leave the country, but I need to get to her. I need to make sure she's okay."

"Would Meredith ever hurt her?" Kate asks.

"I don't think so," he admits. "But I never thought she'd be capable of this either."

"We'll stop them before they leave," she says and he isn't sure whether she's trying to reassure him or convince herself.

He's just so glad she's here. He doesn't know if he'd be able to handle this on his own.

He wants to continue what he'd been about to say earlier while they were still at the loft, wants to tell her he loves her again, fix the mess he made this morning, but it's not the right time. Not when they are both worried sick about his daughter and so much more is going on. He wants the moment to be about them.

So he settles with keeping her as close as he can in the cab, holding her hand in his as a reminder that he's not alone.

* * *

They manage to get to the airport in record time and Rick stays true to his word, hands the driver two hundred dollar bills for his efforts. He's held on to her hand for the entire ride over and it reassures her that she wasn't out of line in showing up at his doorstep. She hadn't been able to calm down, to think of anything else other than him and Alexis and so she'd asked to take the rest of the day off.

She hadn't been sure if it was the right call, if he'd want her there at all but she doesn't regret it, not when he seems to be holding on to her for reassurance.

He'd let her hand go when they got out of the taxi but as they pass through the airport doors and enter the flood of people coming in from every direction he reclaims it, holding her close to his side and making sure they don't get separated.

But they don't have much to go on and JFK is huge. They are at the international departures terminal but other than the fact that his ex-wife had planned to take Alexis to Paris, they don't have much more to go on.

Rick looks lost, overwhelmed by the throngs of people, the swarm they're engulfed in and she squeezes his hand, tries to calm him.

"Maybe we can go to the check-in for Air France? It's unlikely but they might not have passed it yet?" He nods at her suggestion, following the direction towards the French airline company but after a few scans of the area, neither of them catch a glimpse Alexis' or her mother's signature red hair.

She curses in frustration. There is absolutely no hope of getting past security without an airline ticket and so no way to get to any of the terminals. They're stuck.

Rick's phone buzzes in his pocket and they both jolt, energy thrumming through them in anticipation.

"Hello?" he answers.

He squeezes her hand and she watches his face lift in relief, his lips curving upward in a smile. This has to be good news.

"They've got her," he whispers to her, even as he stays on the phone probably receiving further details.

She follows blindly as he leads her towards a further terminal. Rick stops, looks further up ahead and as she lifts her eyes to follow the line of his gaze, Kate sees her, the fiery red locks framing her face an easy target and she feels the pressure evaporate from her chest. She's okay. Alexis is okay.

Rick must see her too because he lets her hand go and runs toward his daughter, who looks calm, holds one of the detective's hands.

"Alexis," he calls and she looks up instantly, finds her father easily among the crowd.

"Dad!" she exclaims, lets the detective go and runs towards him. Kate watches as she jumps into his arms, lets herself be engulfed by his embrace. Alexis is eleven and mature for her age but this must have been scary for her.

As she gets closer, Kate smiles in thanks to the detective. He has light brown hair and kind blue eyes. He just seems happy to have reunited a father and daughter.

"Kate!" she hears Alexis say and her heart clenches. She looks down just in time to bend down to Alexis' level and lift her arms to accept the girl's hug. "How come you aren't at school?" She asks, ever the perceptive one, even in times like these.

"I was really worried about you," Kate explains, running her hand through the girl's hair.

"I'm happy you're here!" she says excitedly. "You can meet my mom."

Kate's eyes drift up to find another detective approaching with whom she assumes is Meredith, in handcuffs. She lifts up to her full height and curls an arm around Alexis protectively even though she knows she isn't hers to protect.

Kate wants Alexis' smile to stay in place but she's pretty sure she and her mother won't get along very well.

"Richard, for god's sake, can you tell them to take these things off me?" She demands, her voice irritated and she shoots the detective a glare as the words leave her mouth.

Rick bristles as Meredith approaches and his shoulders square, anger building up in his frame.

"What the hell were you thinking, Meredith?" He asks, his voice accusatory but relatively low so as to avoid gathering attention.

"I was thinking I could take my daughter to a late breakfast," she states as though the explanation makes any sense.

"You pulled our daughter out of school, faked a family emergency and booked a flight to Paris to take her for a late breakfast without telling me?" He asks, incredulous, his temper visibly on the edge of bursting.

"Yes! They have the best coffee and pastries!" She exclaims, seemingly exasperated by their lack of understanding. "Besides, I was planning on being back by tonight. I don't see what the huge deal is."

"It's kidnapping, Meredith. You have no right to take her."

"Richard, you're making me sound like a lunatic. I can't kidnap my own daughter."

Kate feels Alexis move closer to her and slip her hand within hers. She's obviously not comfortable with her parents fighting like this.

"Rick," Kate speaks his name softly, her hand coming up to his shoulders. He needs to calm down and talk about this with Meredith elsewhere, not in front of Alexis.

"And who the hell is she?" Meredith seethes, looking directly at Kate.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you guys so much for being so kind and understanding. I'm truly sorry this update is late, as I said in the last update, midterms hit and this week was absolute hell. But I made it through! I can't tell you how much your support means to me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'd love to know what you think! - Zoe_

 **Twitter: zoekeller**

 **Tumblr: zkalways**


	13. Chapter 13

Kate has to bite back the words that come to mind when she hears Meredith's words. This is not the time, nor the place to give Rick's ex-wife a piece of her mind, though the urge to protect Alexis is fierce. It probably isn't her place at all, really. And certainly not in front of Alexis, who still holds on to Kate's shirt, clinging. She's the one who speaks up, though.

"This is Ms. Beckett," she introduces Kate for the three of them, her voice low, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. "She's my English teacher."

"Oh, is that how you're ensuring our daughter gets good grades now? Sleeping with the teach-" Meredith all but screams, her nostrils flaring, but Rick cuts her off, refusing to hear another word.

"That is enough." Kate doesn't think she's ever heard him so angry. She can see the vein in his neck pulsing, the restraint he's probably exercising not to rip his ex-wife a new one. "I am not doing this with you here but I never want to hear you speak about Alexis' grades like that. She works day and night for those grades. And so help me, if you say one more word about Kate I will let these fine detectives take you down to the police station in cuffs and press charges for kidnapping."

Meredith's face is shocked, her eyes wide and mouth gaping, as though he's just physically struck her, but Rick doesn't seem sorry about his words at all, isn't taking them back. He slips his hand in Kate's, twining their fingers and squeezing lightly in what feels like reassurance. It feels like him telling her he's with her, that they are on the same team. She squeezes back, and her heart eases with the silent communication. Kate doesn't need him to be defending her, she can damn well do that on her own, but she's still glad he felt the need to address Meredith's accusations. She isn't usually one to stay silent when a stranger talks about her the way Meredith did, straight to her face no less, but she has enough self-control to know that Alexis didn't need to see this kind of confrontation. But the moment they are alone, if they ever are, all bets are off.

She sees Meredith's eyes dart down to their tangled hands and then back up to meet Rick's gaze, never once looking at Kate.

The fury in Meredith's eyes is evident, the restraint she's exercising to keep her mouth shut has her clenching her jaw. But she doesn't risk calling Rick out on his bluff. Her posture deflates in submission, her spine bowing and she nods, stepping down from her high horse, accepting Rick's request. Not that she's in any kind of position to bargain.

Meredith might not be a horrible person - though she's yet to see any redeeming qualities - but one thing is for sure: her actions have consequences. What she did was irresponsible and reckless and Kate is just glad Rick isn't letting this fly.

"Mr. Castle, are you planning on pressing charges?" The tall, Hispanic detective asks, still standing by Meredith's side, waiting for his call.

It takes a moment for him to make up his mind. She isn't sure if he's actually debating it or if he just wants Meredith to think as much.

* * *

He doesn't know what the right call is. He needs Meredith to know that actions like this are way over the line. Alexis might share her genetic material but Meredith has never been the mother she deserves. Hell, in the last month, Kate has been more of a mother to his daughter than Meredith has ever been.

But that doesn't change the fact that Alexis still cares about her, still loves her and craves her approval. It's probably why she didn't protest to Meredith's plan, too afraid to upset her mom in the short time she knew they'd have together to bring up the fact that flying to Paris may not be a good idea. He knows Alexis, and he knows she most probably wasn't completely on board with this. Not to mention, Alexis hates missing school.

Meredith did this for herself, not for their daughter and she needs to know that.

But pressing charges would probably ruin Meredith and they all know it. She's a struggling actress in L.A and having a rap sheet with an attempt of kidnapping is definitely something to ruin an acting career. He isn't sure what the right move is, for all of them, but he still has to make the decision in the next ten seconds.

He looks at her, really looks to see past the act she so often puts on. She _is_ an actress after all. Not a very good one, but she can still pull off a mean poker face.

He thinks he sees the remorse in her eyes, the realization that she's done something bad. If he's being honest with himself, he doesn't think Meredith was trying to hurt her or take her. She may be selfish but she isn't stupid. She knows she couldn't handle taking care of Alexis on her own, it's why she didn't even put up a fight for custody when he filed for divorce. She was never cut out to be a mother.

Not to mention, that if he presses charges and ruins her career, Meredith will probably move back to New York, and he's not sure _he_ can handle that.

Having Meredith here wouldn't be a good thing for Alexis either. He knows she loves her mother but in small doses. Even Alexis knows that Meredith can be a little much sometimes and having her here all the time would be... a lot. He also has to consider the strain her being here would put on his blooming relationship with Kate. And he isn't willing to risk all of that.

"I'm not pressing charges," he decides and sees Meredith's head snap up in surprise to meet his eyes. She hadn't been expecting him to back off. Good. He doesn't need her thinking she can get away with pulling another stunt like this.

"Dad, can we go home?" Alexis asks, her voice small and tired. She's still holding onto Kate's hand and the sight makes his heart beat a little faster in his chest. She trusts Kate to keep her safe.

It's not the first time he's caught himself thinking it over these past few weeks, but the thought that Kate Beckett would have been a better mom to his daughter pops into his mind yet again. He feels his lips turn up slightly at the sight of them, for the first time in hours. Everything is okay.

"Yeah, Pumpkin. We can go home."

One of the detectives frees Meredith from the metal cuffs and he thinks he'll need to call Montgomery to thank him and his team. Come to think of it, the last time he was at the twelfth precinct he remembers thinking the coffee tasted just as horrible as at the school. Maybe he'll send them an espresso machine too. He turns towards Kate and his daughter, ready to head out of the airport. He doesn't expect for Meredith to follow.

"Richard?" she calls his name as if expecting him to wait for her and right now, he wants nothing more than for her to leave. He's given her all he can for today. "I was thinking you, Alexis and I could have supper tonight?" She proposes and it's obvious she's purposely left Kate out of that offer.

And that's just not going to work for him.

"I don't think so, Meredith. I need some time. There are things we still need to talk about. I'll call you tomorrow." He ignores the dejected look in her eyes, how she plays the victim. The charade never changes with her. Before they leave he looks past Meredith to the men who managed to get here in time to find his daughter before she left on a plane to Paris.

"Thank you so much, detectives," he says, reaching over to shake their hands. "Hopefully, next time we can meet under better circumstances. I won't forget this," he promises.

"Just doing our job, Mr. Castle," the fair-haired one shrugs, humble.

"Well I'll be sure to let Montgomery know you do it damn well."

They nod in appreciation. "I'm Detective Esposito, this is my partner Detective Ryan. If ever you need anything, feel free to call us. Any friend of Montgomery is a friend of ours."

"Thank you," he says again, shaking their hands with a firm grip he hopes truly expresses his gratitude.

They walk towards the airport's exit and Rick turns back to Kate and Alexis, ready to finally go home. It's only an hour past noon but he feels exhausted, like the entire day has just past them by and all he wants is to make a blanket fort and watch movies, huddled with his two favorite girls. He hopes he can convince Kate to stay. Judging by the way she still holds on to Alexis' hand, he thinks he won't have to do much pushing.

* * *

They take a cab back to the loft and Kate is glad he didn't ask her if she wanted to go back to her place instead.

She doesn't.

Alexis is here and safe between both of them in the cab and she knows that everything is okay, but the worry has yet to completely dissipate from her veins. She doesn't want to leave either of them, knows her apartment couldn't provide nearly as much comfort as being with them would. But now that the adrenaline has receded she just feels drained.

Alexis is unusually silent between them though and the more time goes on without her saying a word, the more it eats away at her. It dawns on her that they've yet to ask her how she felt about this, her side of things.

Kate lays a hand to Alexis' knee, hoping to direct the girl's attention from her lap towards her.

"Hey, you okay?" she ask, her voice soft. Alexis' eyes are shiny when she looks up and she's biting at her bottom in what looks like an attempt to stop her chin from trembling.

"I was scared," she admits, barely above a whisper and the words have a vice grip tightening around her heart painfully. "Mom said she lied to the school about the family emergency, that I shouldn't be stuck in there all day and that I needed to actually live life. But I didn't want to leave. And then she didn't want me to call Dad to tell him about going to Paris, she said it would be our secret but I don't like flying and I didn't know what to do." It all comes out in a single breath, clearly still a little distraught and Kate can see she's fighting back tears. She's trying to be strong, but she doesn't need to hide her feelings, not with them.

"Sweetie, it wasn't your fault," Kate reassures, opening up her arms for a hug. Alexis lets herself lean into her immediately, hiding her face in Kate's neck. She shares a look with Rick as she lets her cheek rest in the top of Alexis' head running her hands gently through her hair in soothing motions and he can see how much it hurts him to see his little girl cry. He lifts a hand to rub at his daughter's back softly.

"Alexis, you did nothing wrong. Your mom never should have put you in a situation like this, never should have taken you out of school or asked you to keep things from me." Kate let's her lips curve up slightly in encouragement as she feels Alexis disentangle from her embrace to turn towards her dad, tears staining her pale skin.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I wanted to call you and I- I was so scared when the police arrived," she hiccups as she speaks, her sentences fractured but at least a she's being open about it, willing to talk it through.

"Come here, Pumpkin." Alexis transfers from Kate's arms to his, snuggling into his embrace. "You have nothing to apologize for, you understand me? You trusted your mom and that's only normal."

They stay like that for the remaining of the time it takes them to get to the loft, Alexis in his arms and Kate's hand at her knee.

"Order in?" he proposes, with his phone already in hand once they walk through the door and she and Alexis both nod in approval, not up to the task of cooking dinner.

"Can we watch a movie while we wait for the food to get here?" Alexis asks, heading over to the living room.

"Sure," Kate answers seeing as Rick is on the phone, figures he won't mind at all. They are all exhausted. "Whatever you feel like watching," she tells Alexis.

"What about Narnia?" she offers. "I've been wanting to re-watch them since Dad and I read the books."

"Sounds perfect." Kate lets herself plop down on the couch, her body sinking into the sinfully soft cushions and she's certain that if she let her eyes slip shut she'd fall asleep almost immediately. But she wants to be here with them, wants to spend time relaxing watching a movie with her fam-

Her family. She's thinking of them as family now. Oh god. It's way too soon for that, too soon to know if she and Rick will work, too soon to know if he even _wants_ that with her.

The panic start to ebb through her chest, crawl up the cage of her ribs and her breath catches in her throat.

"Chinese is on its way. So what are we watching?" The sound of his voice close behind her breaks through her thoughts, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders, fingers gently massaging and kneading her muscles to release some of the day's tension. She wants to sigh at how good it feels, how amazing he is at making her forget.

"Narnia," Alexis says, answering his question.

"Great! I'll make the popcorn."

"Dad, we're waiting for lunch to arrive."

"No rules tonight. Worst case scenario, there'll be left overs."

It'd be easy to let it all go, to let the soft ministrations of Rick's hands chase away the panic still flaring through her but her thoughts have also brought back his ex-wife's words.

And rationally, she knows this isn't what they're doing, that he isn't using her to make sure Alexis gets good grades, that he would never take advantage of her like that. But she's still just a teacher. He's a New York Times best-selling author. They don't fit.

And god knows he could do much better than her and all the baggage she comes with.

Which reminds her, she hasn't called her father in two days.

"I'll be right back," she announces, lifting herself up from the sofa, her body already mourning the loss of his touch as his hands drop from her shoulders. He intercepts her before she can escape to his office, his hand hooking gently at her elbow.

"Hey," his eyes are concerned. "Everything okay?" he asks, his voice hushed, making sure this stays between them. He's too perceptive for his own good.

"Yeah," she confirms, averting her eyes and ignoring how her body longs to fall into him, to let his touch work its magic and make her fears disappear. "I just need to make a call." She isn't lying, she really does need to call her father, but it isn't the whole truth either. She just needs a few minutes alone to let the panic recede. Looking up into his eyes, she can see he isn't convinced, but he lets her go, lets his thumb sweep across the soft skin of her arm over her pulse.

Closing the door to his office behind her, she lets her back rest against it. She takes in a long breath, allows the air to expand her lungs, the oxygen to flow through her veins.

Maybe she's over reacting. Both Alexis and Rick been nothing but welcoming and accepting. But to consider herself as part of the family is different somehow. It's... permanent.

And it's not that she doesn't see them in her future when she thinks to the years ahead, she's just still not convinced that _she's_ a good thing for them.

They deserve more.

She knows her therapist would probably shake his head at her for the thought but she can't will it away, can't help her insecurities from breaking through.

Sighing, Kate pulls her phone out of her pocket, dials her father's number.

"Katie," he answers, and the jovial quality of his voice soothes her, calms her rapidly beating heart. "I'm surprised I haven't heard from you in over forty eight hours, but I'm taking that as a good sign."

She chokes on a laugh, appreciates the fact that her Dad can joke about this now that they are both on a healthier path. Only he seems to be doing much better than she is as of right now. She just keeps drowning in her insecurities.

"Everything alright, Katie?" he asks, concerned when she doesn't answer after a few seconds.

"Yeah, I'm good, Dad. The last two days have just been pretty busy."

"You know you can always talk to me if there is anything, right? Rick seemed like a good man when I met him the other week but if he's not doing right by you-"

"No, Dad, he's fine," she interrupts before he gets any wrong ideas. "He's more than fine, actually. I-" she breaks off before she repeats the words she'd whispered to Rick this morning. It feels like ages ago. "He makes me really happy."

"That sounds like a good thing."

"It is. I just-" the words get clogged in her throat as the emotions rush up before she has a chance to suppress them. "I never thought I'd have this and what if it doesn't work out?" The words make their way past her lips without her consent and she wishes she could take them back immediately.

"Katie," her father starts and she closes her eyes, sighing dreading the conversation she knows she's just brought up. "Your mother once told me that love was about risking your heart. The fact that you're scared makes it real. You can't give yourself to someone if you always keep one foot out the door. But it sounds like you want to let Rick in, like he might be worth the risk?"

"I think I've already let him in. Or maybe he snuck in, I don't know," her father laughs softly and she finds her lips quirking upward despite herself. There's a beat of silence between them but it's not uncomfortable; she knows he's only giving her the time she needs to gather herself.

"Thanks, Dad," she says, breaking the silence, knowing it's time for her to head back towards the living room and join Rick and Alexis for their movie.

"Anytime," he promises and something in her chest lightens when she finds that she believes him, trusts him to keep his word. "And Katie?" he cuts in before she can hang up the phone. "It's worth the risk."

Her heart squeezes at his words but the more she thinks about them, the more power she realizes they hold. Coming from a man who has lost it all, lost the love of his life to the horrors of humanity, has known what it's like to experience the drowning of grief... knowing that he'd do it all over again even if it led him right back here is all the answer she needs, the answer she hadn't known she'd been looking for.

A soft knock echoes through the office and she looks up to find Rick poking his head through the door. "Hey, you doing okay?" he asks, his eyes a deep and inviting cerulean, begging her to let him in, to let him help in any way she'd feel comfortable with. What he doesn't know is he's already given her everything, already helped her chase her demons and face the light again.

Kate lifts up from where she'd been leaning against his desk and heads towards him.

She sees the surprise, the flash of delight and excitement in his eyes when she doesn't stop and reaches for the lapels of his shirt, pulling him in towards her. His hands migrate to her waist, the heat of his touch searing even through the material of her blouse as she slants her lips against his. He moans at the first touch and his hands fist in the material of her shirt at the base of her spine, pulling a gasp from her throat. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed him in the last few hours, how much her body had craved contact with his despite the distraction their panic had provided. She lets her fingers card through his hair, teases him with a barely-there swipe of her tongue, the promise of later.

"I am now," she whispers, lets her lips curve upward when she pulls back slightly and his smile is enough to chase away any remnants of fear.

She laces their fingers together and tugs him in the direction of the door to meet his daughter. "Come on," she says even though he'd follow her anywhere if she'd ask. "We have a movie to watch."

* * *

 **A/N: I'm very sorry for the late update! I've been very busy with school with the end of term quickly approaching and I really wanted to post some Halloween stories. If you're interested in reading those, they are titled "Witching Hour" and "Dark as Night" published under my username. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I should be continuing with weekly updates from now until the end of the story. Thank you so much for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always! -Zoe**

 _Twitter: ZoeKeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	14. Chapter 14

Alexis falls asleep about half ways through the movie, her head lying on Kate's lap and her legs thrown over Rick. Kate cards her fingers through the long strands of Alexis' hair, scratching at her scalp on occasion and the soft motion may have helped put the girl to sleep.

Rick's arm rests across Kate's shoulders, his fingers tracing circles along her skin and she has to admit she's getting pretty drowsy herself, could probably be convinced to fall asleep pillowed against his side.

"I'll take her to bed," he murmurs, scooping Alexis up from the couch and carrying her up the stairs to her room. Kate wills herself to wake up a little, take the popcorn and the left over Chinese back to the kitchen. She washes the plates and packs the food into bowls in the fridge.

It isn't too long before Rick comes back down the stairs, shaking his head at her for doing the dishes and she rolls her eyes.

"She's out like a light," he sighs when he reaches her side, propping his hip against the counter, watching her as she puts the last plate away in the cabinet. It's really not even that late, nearing on six o'clock, but the adrenaline and stress of the day is enough to have anyone falling asleep earlier.

"Big day," she murmurs, moving to stand in front of him and she finds she has to look up at him slightly without her heels to make up for their height difference.

"This is so not how I had imagined today would go," he admits, one of his hands reaching up to stroke the skin of her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. "Especially not after last night."

Her lips quirk up, and her heart rate picks up a little as well, the memories warming her blood, lighting a flame in her midsection. "How _had_ you imagined this day would go exactly?" She asks, lifting a brow, teasing as she allows one of her hands to rest against his chest, toying with one of the buttons.

He grins, a boyish smile that has her skin flushing with ideas of what he'd planned for her, for them. "Well, for one, I would have liked to wake you up with coffee and breakfast but you left pretty early."

She hums, the suggestion almost has her regretting her decision to leave early that morning. "It was a school day," she reminds him and he chuckles.

"Yeah, I hadn't really thought that through last night. I had other, more pressing things, on my mind." His gaze sets her on fire, her insides yearning and prodding her to take what she wants.

"Oh really?" she asks, feigning ignorance. "What had you so distracted?"

Rick moves closer to her, his hands reaching for her, unable to suppress the low growl that escapes his throat at her teasing. "Let's just say a certain English Professor has me wrapped around her little finger."

She laughs, lifting her hands from his chest to wrap around his neck and letting her fingers play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. "I'm sorry you couldn't make me breakfast," she smiles. "That would have been nice."

"Oh, that's not all I had planned," he admits, his hands growing bolder, moving down from her waist to fit in the back pocket of her pants and tugging her closer. Kate gasps as the front of their bodies align, the enticing call of his lips so very close and she bites down on her bottom lip to keep from making any more sounds which would likely leave her embarrassed. Only she already knows what he can do with his tongue his hands, his body, how he'll set her aflame with his touch. She has no idea how in one night he's managed to learn her body and give her everything she needs, craves, and yearns for most. It makes it that much harder to resist, to reign in the outpour of desire. "After we were done with breakfast I would have convinced you to accompany me back to bed." He drops his head to her neck, his lips trailing along her smooth porcelain skin and she sighs, tightens her arms around his neck at his words, his maddening touch.

"I would have peeled off your clothes like I did last night," he whispers and Kate feels her knees grown weak, her breathing bordering on erratic. "I would have taken my time, rediscovered all the places that made you moan and gasp, kissed every single one of them." He punctuates the words with a quick swipe of his tongue to her pulse point, sucking gently at her tender skin and she can't help the keening noise that makes it past her lips.

"Bed. Now," she manages to choke out past the fire in her lungs and the maddeningly sharp need taking over her every muscle, every ounce of her brain. She doesn't protest when he picks her up off her feet for the second time in two nights, even though she'd usually make the remark that she is more than capable of walking herself to the bedroom. But it's the last thing on her mind when his lips nip at the lobe of her ear as he deposits her on the bed.

"Show me," she whispers, wishing they could go back and spend the morning on bed exploring each other as he'd planned. But they can now, and that's all that truly matters. And oh, does he ever.

* * *

The trail of his fingertips against the smooth plane of her back pulls her from sleep, has her hiding her face in the crook of his neck as her pulls her closer. Kate stretches her muscles, aligning their bodies together once more and he groans, slips his fingers through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. She smiles, presses her lips to the skin of his chest and pushes up on her elbows to meet his gaze.

"It's probably not normal that we're so good at that with so little practice," he murmurs, his voice gruff, sexy, and it only makes her want to nip at his shoulder, his jaw, anywhere she could reach, really. He's right, though. She's never had a connection this intense with anyone before. It's not that she hasn't had her fair share of experience but well, she doesn't think she's ever been with anyone so intent on bringing her pleasure, so focused on making sure she sees stars when they move together. It makes it easy to reciprocate.

"Probably," she hums. "But I'm not about to complain."

"Oh, no. No complaints from me. None," he clarifies, answering too quickly and she laughs, shakes her head at him.

They fall silent for a few seconds but it isn't awkward. She feels comfortable with him like this. Just because they've taken a step towards a more intimate relationship, nothing else about how they are has to change. "You know," he interrupts the silence, shifting slightly so that they can maintain eye contact more easily. "I was hoping we could talk more about this morning." She looks up at the alarm clock and finds that midnight still has yet to pass.

Her heart gallops in her chest as he brings her thoughts back to the few minutes they shared together before she had to slip from his apartment and head to work. He'd told her he loved her. And she'd said it back, though she thought he'd been asleep.

With Meredith taking Alexis out of school and everything that's happened, they haven't talked about it. She wasn't even sure if he remembered or if he heard her speak the words back to him. But it's the second time he's bringing up this morning. Why else would he be so keen to talk about it?

She nods, encouraging him to continue. "So, I was barely conscious," he starts, self-deprecating and she feels her chest tighten. She doesn't know if she can handle him making excuses or hear him explain that he didn't mean it that way. "You did keep me up until pretty late last night though, so that's partly your fault."

She raises a brow, waiting for him to continue but she swallows hard, wishes he would just say it and not beat around the bush so she can begin putting the pieces of her heart back together if that's what needs to happen.

"I um... I think I said something and I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." She interrupts him quickly, doesn't need to hear anymore. She pulls herself away from him, retracting her legs from around his. He doesn't feel the same way, didn't mean what he said in his half-unconscious state and it's _fine_.

Except it's not because she said it back and it had felt so liberating. _She'd_ meant it. Still does and he-

"Kate, wait," he tries to stop her from moving away but she's faster, pulls her arms away and sits up, shifting her legs so they hang off the mattress. She pushes up on her feet and takes a few step away from the bed, her back to him.

"Really, it's fine. I don't need you to explain." She knows it's obvious that it's _not_ fine, but she just- she needs a bit of time to process this. And hopefully after a few days it won't sting as much, won't tug at her heart that he never meant to say the words, that he wanted to take them back.

"Kate." She hadn't even realized he'd gotten out of bed to come over to her side. He's in front of her now, his eyes pleading for her to listen when she chances a glance in his direction. "Please, it came out all wrong and you didn't let me finish."

She doesn't want to hear this, doesn't want him to try and make excuses for the words that brought her so much joy a few hours ago, the words that are breaking her heart now. But he isn't giving her a choice. She meets his eyes reluctantly but allows him to say his piece. It's not like she could stop him from speaking.

"What I meant to say was that I never meant for it to come out like that, for the first time to be right after _our_ first time, right after you flipped my world around and I-" he cuts himself off, frustrated, but she feels a sliver of hope edge its way back into her chest, her lungs expanding more fully as she takes in a breath. "I wanted to give you more, wanted it to be special the first time I told you that I love you. You deserved so much more than that, but Kate, it doesn't make the words any less true. Please don't doubt that."

Her heart rate skyrockets at the words, stunned because that's not at all what she expected him to say when she let him continue. "You... you really meant it?"

He reaches for her and this time she lets him draw her back to him, revels in the way his fingers dust against her cheek, like she's delicate, something he treasures. "I do. I wish I could have made it more special, I could've had it written in the sky, or taken you for a hot air balloon ride, or-"

Kate cuts him off with the slant of her lips against his and he sighs into her, one of his hands cupping the back of her head and the other banding around her waist, holding her to him. She slips her tongue past his lips, tangles it with his as she walks them back towards the bed. She turns them around and pushes down on his shoulders for him to sit but she's quick to follow, straddling his lap and climbing over him half a second later.

"I love you too," she lets the words fall free on a gasp when they separate to fill their lungs with air and Kate feels his arms tighten around her, encompassing her whole frame within his embrace. He pulls back, ignores the siren call of her flesh and how he wants to layer every inch with soft kisses and the swipe of his tongue. Their eyes meet and she doesn't think she's ever seen him smile so widely, so pure and full of light.

"You do?" he asks, giddy, like a little boy on Christmas and she can practically feel him bouncing beneath her, the energy flowing off of him in waves.

"I do," she confirms, can't help the smile that mirrors his. "You know, for a bestselling author, you could have found a better way to start that sentence back there. I thought you were taking it back."

"I know," he chuckles. "That's also kind of your fault, though. The words get all tangled up in my head when I'm with you."

She rolls her eyes at him but the corner of her lips remain turned up. He laughs at her reaction but scoots back up the bed, takes her with him when he falls back against the mattress. She cuddles up against him, her arm over his chest and leg thrown over his. She lets herself relax, breathe him in.

"I also wanted to talk to you about what Meredith said. You know it was ridiculous, right? She had no right to say those things about you or us."

Her body stiffens at the mention of his ex-wife and their unpleasant encounter at the airport. But she knows him, and after the confessions they've just shared, after he just told her that he loves her -again- she doesn't believe whatever Meredith had claimed.

"I know," she acquiesces, laying a kiss to his chest. But there is something else. "She did seem to think she was coming home with you, though."

Kate lets him figure out the question; what she's implying is clear. He sighs but moves closer, his fingers migrating from her back to sift through her long brown locks.

"I don't want to hide anything from you. Meredith and I... we were never going to work, we both knew that. She had no desire to be a mother and there was no way I was letting someone else raise Alexis... But, um... sometimes when she came back into town, well we..." he trails off but he doesn't have to say it. She doesn't have to think too hard to figure out why his ex-wife wanted to come him with him. She isn't upset, not mad. She doesn't have any right to be angry about the choices he made when they weren't together, when they didn't even know each other.

"And she thought she might come over tonight?" She pushes a little, even though, deep down she knows his loyalty lies with her.

"She probably didn't know about us. We don't keep in touch. And well, even though we aren't together, Meredith sometimes gets a bit territorial. She gave it a shot yesterday, tried to weasel her way in, but I tried to make it very clear that she wasn't welcome."

She nods, recalls the way he shut his ex-wife down immediately when she suggested she could accompany them home. "And just so everything is out there, whatever former arrangement I may have had with Meredith when she came into town, it's over now. There's only you."

She smiles against his chest and feels the gentle brush if his lips across her temple. The touch awakens the hunger she'd managed to subdue for the past half hour. But now that they're both recovered from their earlier round, their hearts open and raw and trusting, she doesn't want to subdue anything. She just wants him.

Lifting up from beside him on her elbows and swinging her leg over him, Kate straddles him. She drapes her body over his, aligned in every way that matters and captures his lips in a kiss she hopes makes it abundantly clear that she's on board with the revision of his arrangement with Meredith.

"Good," she whispers the word across his jaw and bites at his bottom lip. "Because I have no intention of sharing."

* * *

This time, he wakes before her in the morning, intent on preparing her coffee and breakfast before she has to leave for school. It's a struggle to peel his eyes open after the little amount of sleep they managed to catch, but the decision is easy to make when he thinks of the smile he'll hopefully be rewarded with. She's warm and soft against him, the call of her body making a strong case for him to forgo breakfast and wake her up with the touch of his lips to her skin instead.

But he wants her to know that it's about more than the mind blowing sex. He doesn't think he's ever been so physically compatible with someone, the connection electrifying, like nothing he's ever felt before, but it's more than that with her.

Hell, he's already told her he loves her. He wasn't prepared for the force of his feelings for her.

Yeah, he had no idea. He pretty much tripped and fell, with nothing around to hold onto but her heart. And despite how soon it is, he told her.

Now he wants to show her.

Well... Hopefully he showed her last night. Three times. Technically four for her. But like he said, it's about so much more.

So he's careful when he disentangles their limbs and eases away from the bed. He slips on some boxers, fits his arms through the sleeves of his robe and heads towards the kitchen. She left around six yesterday to be in for her eight o'clock class so he made sure to be up by five. He prepares the coffee machine but doesn't start hers right away, he wants her cup to be warm when she wakes. Instead he focuses on breakfast, gathering the ingredients for an omelet. He usually likes to put chocolate chips in there - a s'morlette, he calls it - but he has a feeling Kate might not share the same enthusiasm for it, so he restrains himself. He chops up the onions, tomatoes and peppers, adds some ham and by the time it's a half-passed five he tosses everything in the pan atop the stove.

He's focused on making sure everything's perfect, that this is the best damn omelet he's ever made and he doesn't hear her come up behind him, jumps when a set of arms wind around his waist. But he relaxes instantly at the feel of her cheek pressed to his spine, her body fitting against the back of his and it pulls a smile from his lips.

"What are you doing up so early?" She asks on a yawn and he can't help noticing how absolutely adorable she looks in rumpled clothes, her eyes still tired and the imprint of his pillow at her cheek. It's a sight he hopes he can start seeing on a regular basis.

She notices him staring and she starts to level him with a glare, but it doesn't deter him. He leans in for a kiss, leaving the pan for a handful of seconds to sip at the corners of her mouth. Kate doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, lifting her hand to his cheek, chasing his lips.

He pulls away before he can convince himself to scrap breakfast and take her back to bed and lays a final kiss to her cheek.

"Cooking you breakfast," he answers her question as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I may have messed up our first morning together but I promise I'm going to make up for it." He turns back to the stove, adding a touch of salt and pepper to the omelet before heading to the cabinet to set out two plates.

"You didn't mess up anything, Rick," she assures him and even though he didn't think she blamed him, it still alleviates a weight from his chest. "But this is very sweet, thank you. I don't have much time, though."

"I know," he confirms. "I've got your coffee ready to go in a travel mug and I can put the rest of the omelet in a Tupperware if you don't have time to eat all of it-"

"I have a few minutes," she interrupts him with a kiss. "We're okay."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for continuing to be amazing, you guys! I couldn't keep doing this without your support. I also wanted to let you know that I'm now working on the final chapter of this fic. There will be 18 chapters as well as an epilogue in total! I'd love to know what you think of this update. - Zoe**

 _Twitter: zoekeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	15. Chapter 15

He's been avoiding this. Talking with Meredith is just about the last thing he wants to do right now but it has to be done.

Kate had left for work over two hours ago, Alexis taking the bus to school not too long after Kate had left and he's been putting off calling his ex-wife. He's been coming up with excuses all morning: that it was too early, that he needed another coffee, that he should do some writing first.

They're weak excuses, he knows, but he's still just so angry. Meredith has always been full of bad ideas and usually, he's loose enough to let them slide. Shopping sprees and spending his money, he can handle, but he can't let this go, he _won't_.

He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and finds her number in his recent call list, from when he'd tried to call her yesterday before he knew she'd tried to take his daughter to Paris.

His thumb hesitates over it, dreading the conversation already but it has to be done. He calls.

She picks up before the second ring.

"Now you want to talk, Richard?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose, wills himself not to get angry despite the fact that she's being absolutely impossible already.

"We were always going to have to talk about this, Meredith," he says, as calmly as he can manage.

"Really? I didn't get that impression yesterday when you ran off with Alexis and your new girlfriend."

He ignores the bait because someone has to be the adult and it sure as hell looks like it won't be her. "Where are you staying?"

"Oh, I'll come over to the loft!" she says instead of answering his question.

"Meredith-"

"Richard, it's fine. I'm pretty close by anyway."

"Fine," he gives in, doesn't really care where they meet just so long as it gets done and she can go back to L.A.

"I'll be there soon, kitten!" she just about squeals and he has to pull the phone away from his ear.

The line goes dead before he can tell her not to call him that. God he's always hated that moniker. And damn it, she sounded way too excited to be on her way over here. She obviously hasn't changed her mind about how kidnapping their child is apparently not a big deal.

He's going to need a lot more coffee for this conversation.

* * *

It takes Meredith less than ten minutes to be knocking on his door and he thinks either her hotel was really close by or she was already on her way over when he called.

Either way, he doesn't like it. At the very least it means she'll soon be in her way out.

Rick pulls the door open and she waltz' in without a greeting or sparing him a second glance.

She makes it to the kitchen and spins so that she rests her back to the counter, fixing him with a glare.

"I don't appreciate you sending me to a hotel last night."

Rick huffs in disbelief. "Really?" he asks sarcastically. "I thought you'd have been grateful seeing as your other option was to spend the night in a holding cell at a police station."

"I know you have a perfectly good guest room upstairs. And you and I both know you wouldn't have pressed charges," she rolls her eyes and he feels the anger begin to boil in the pit of his stomach, his fists clenching at his sides.

"You have no idea how close I came to letting them take you away in cuffs, Meredith," his voice is low and serious, his anger leaking through his tone.

She looks surprised and confused. "Why are you so upset about this?" She asks, incredulous, like it makes no sense at all and he has to make a conscious effort not to let his voice get loud.

"Because, Meredith. I have sole custody of Alexis. I am her legal guardian and even if you're her biological mother, you can't just walk into her school, fake a family emergency and fly her to another continent. Do you not see how crazy that is?"

"I was trying to do something nice-"

"No," he interrupts. "You were doing something for yourself. Alexis hates missing class, and if you made an effort to keep up with her, you would know that. She also doesn't particularity like to fly on airplanes. So tell me, exactly, how this was for her?" He's fuming and it's rare that they fight like this, he can see his anger has taken her aback. Usually he lets everything go, usually Meredith isn't in town for long enough for him to get fed up with her crap. But this was pushing too far and she isn't leaving here without knowing that.

"Why are you going out of your way to make me the bad guy? Fine. Maybe I didn't know that she didn't want to miss school or like to fly. But do you honestly think I did this to kidnap her?"

"It's not about what I thought, it's about what's right. You crossed a line. I have never tried to keep her away from you and I've always let you do whatever you wanted whenever you came for a visit. But you can't take her whenever it damn well pleases you without asking or telling me." He lets his words sink in, hopes to God she sees that he won't let her pull this off again.

A few seconds of silence pass without either of them speaking but he notices her stance deflate, how she stands a little less tall, defeated.

"Fine," she agrees. "I'm sorry." She looks up at him and he sees the sincerity in her eyes, knows she means it. He nods and his anger recedes slowly, the fight draining out of him now that he's made his point.

"You want something to drink?" he asks out of politeness as he walks towards the refrigerator to poor himself a glass of water.

"I'm good, thanks."

He opens the fridge to grab the container of filtered water and startles when he turns around, only now noticing that she's moved in close - way too close - backing him up so that his shoulder's lean into the fridge door.

"Now that that's out of the way..." she moves in closer, a glint in her eye he recognizes but doesn't welcome.

"What are you doing?" he asks, even though it's more than obvious what she's trying to do. "Meredith no - stop."

"Is this about your new girlfriend? Because I'm willing to bet she doesn't hold a candle to what we've got."

Rick grabs her arm to push her back but she isn't listening, pushing up on her toes, her lips pursing as her face gets closer still and every cell in his body is revolting, screaming _no_ , that he doesn't _want_ this.

"Meredith, _stop_." This time he's firm, clear, no indecision. She stalls her advance on him and he manages to move away from her body pinning him against the door. He sets the water down on the counter and puts more distance between them. "I think you need to leave."

"You must really like this one then," Meredith huffs, as though he's insulted her.

"I'm in love with her, actually."

Meredith nods but the scowl on her face remains in place. He honestly doesn't care what she thinks as long as she's out of the loft in the next sixty seconds.

She grabs her purse from the counter and stalks toward the door.

Neither of them speak another word. She gets to the door and hesitates for a second, looking back at him as though she's giving him one last chance to change his mind.

He won't.

She takes his silence as her answer, wrenches the door open and slams it shut behind her. Rick exhales a long breath. He didn't think Meredith would have the audacity to come onto him after the crap she pulled yesterday especially when she knew he was with someone. Apparently that wasn't a big deal to her either. Though, really, he shouldn't be so surprised. He'd caught her cheating once - what led to the demise of their already rocky marriage - it's not like she's ever valued fidelity.

He also should have known better than to let her come to the loft.

He mutters a curse under his breath, grabs his phone and heads for the couch. Pulling up the messaging app, he sends Kate a quick text asking her to call when she has time, making sure to indicate that it's nothing urgent.

He just wishes she were here right now.

* * *

Kate dismisses her last class before lunch and sighs when she lets herself drop to the chair behind her desk.

Rick's coffee got her through her first period but she'll definitely need another one before the day is over. She heads over to the staff room kitchen, hoping she might catch Lanie on her break but she stops in her tracks when she notices the flare of vibrant red hair by the espresso machine she remembers from yesterday.

"Meredith?" Kate asks, not at all sure why Alexis' mother is in the staff room kitchen, but she has a feeling she won't like the answer.

"Ms. Beckett," she greets, her voice dripping with a very obvious false sense of joy as she turns around to face Kate. "Just the woman I wanted to see."

Kate crosses her arms skeptically but she isn't about to let this woman think she has the upper hand by showing up here. Not in her school. "Anything I can do for you?" Kate asks nonchalantly, willing to avoid conflict if Meredith decides that's what she wants too.

"Oh, I just wanted to come warn you in person, as a courtesy," she explains, feigning friendliness.

"Really?" Kate asks, stepping up to the espresso machine, refusing to play into whatever little game this woman thinks she's started. "About what exactly?"

Meredith drops all pretenses then. "First of all, Alexis is my daughter. Don't think you can take her away from me. And second, you might have Rick wrapped around your little finger now, but that'll pass too. And when he realizes that things are done with you, he'll come crawling back to me."

Kate waits a few seconds, makes sure Meredith is done whatever she came here to say and flicks on the coffee machine. But when she finally looks up, Kate makes sure her gaze is fierce, holding up the strength of her words.

"I never planned on taking Alexis from you, I just want to be a part of her life because she's a wonderful girl. But the fact that you felt you had to come warn me about it says a lot about how vulnerable you feel your relationship with her is." She sees the blow of her word in the way Meredith shrinks back slightly.

"And as for my relationship with Rick, you're right. I have no idea if it's going to work out for years to come. But if you think I'm not going to fight like hell to keep him, you're wrong. He's an amazing man and I love him. So I think you need to get the hell out of my school before I call security and fill them in on your scheme to take Alexis yesterday."

Meredith glares at her but Kate can see how her words have hit home. Her shoulders square as she visibly gets on the defensive. But Kate isn't finished.

"And if you ever do anything to hurt Alexis, I will personally make sure you regret it." She doesn't even think twice about the fact that she's now basically threatening Alexis' mother. The woman needs to be taught a lesson and she'll be damned if she lets her put Alexis in the crosshairs.

"I would never hurt my daughter," Meredith replies, her voice cold as stone.

"Oh but you already have. That stunt you tried to pull yesterday had her in tears in the car. She was _scared_."

Meredith's eyes widen at the knowledge. Apparently Rick hadn't told her how much she'd already hurt Alexis.

"That was never my intention."

"Doesn't change the fact that it's what happened."

"She doesn't need you to be protecting her," she seethes, disregarding Kate's observation.

"That won't stop me from trying," Kate answers simply, unintimidated and stoic.

"We'll see if you still think the same when you and Rick are done," she spits out and turns on her heels, leaving the kitchen before Kate can respond. It isn't worth it. She doesn't need to dignify that with a response.

But the fact that she's choosing to be the bigger person, the adult, doesn't change that she's fuming, her blood boiling as it courses through her veins.

Electricity flows through her limbs as she wills herself not to follow this woman out and give her an uncensored piece of her mind. Instead, she curls her fingers into fists and waits for the anger to subside. She has to hand it to her though, Meredith has some nerve showing up here and claiming both Alexis and Rick after the shit she tried to pull yesterday. But it's all talk, no real threat behind her words.

"Damn, girl, you let her walk out with the last word?" Kate looks up to find Lanie propped against the doorframe.

"It's not worth it," she repeats the phrase she's been telling herself for the past thirty seconds.

"It's a good thing you've got thick skin because I wouldn't have hesitated to tear her to shreds." Lanie's words have her lips curling upward slightly, only because she knows it's true. "Everything okay with your father? I heard you took half the day off yesterday."

"Oh, yeah, he's doing great actually. It's been a bit over a month now and... he's still sober," Kate says, the pride evident in her voice.

"Wow, Kate, that's amazing," Lanie agrees, coming closer to wrap her arms around her best friend in a brief hug.

"It is yeah. I really -" she inhales deeply, cutting herself off, thinking that every time she's spoken these next words aloud they've come back to haunt her. But this time seems different. She knows she's believed it before, thought her dad would pull himself together many times before this, and she can't pinpoint why but she has a feeling this this time the words will ring true. "I think he'll make it through, this time."

"Good," Lanie says with a genuine smile. "So then what had you rushing out yesterday?"

"More of that," Kate points to the door Meredith had just passed through and Lanie's brows lift in surprise.

"Is she also going after your man?"

"She might be? But that's not what happened yesterday."

"I'm listening,"

"This might take a while to explain actually, so let me just grab my lunch from my classroom and I'll meet you back here?"

"I'm definitely willing to wait for this gossip," Lanie admits and Kate laughs, shaking her head.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Kate leaves her coffee on the counter, figuring she'll just be a few minutes, only when she gets closer to her classroom, familiar voices have her steps faltering. Normally, she wouldn't stop at the sound - she practically knows every student here, their voices are all familiar to her - but it's the tone that has her slowing down her pace and listening in on the conversation from around the corner.

"Angie, it's not like that," Alexis insists but Kate isn't sure of the context, having missed the first part of the conversation.

"Please," Angie responds, clearly not believing Alexis. "You called her Kate yesterday and we all know you always get the best grades in the class."

"That's not because Ms. Beckett likes me," Alexis defends herself, her voice small and Kate's heart thrashes against her chest, pain radiating down to the cage of her ribs.

"And she hugged you when you left yesterday. She's never hugged any of us before. You're a teacher's pet and everyone knows it," another girl chimes in and she clenches her fists at her sides.

She has resist the urge to turn around the corner and put these girls in their place. They have no right to be talking to Alexis like that, but she knows intervening now, when she's the one they are using to hurt Alexis, would only make things worse. The sound of sniffling and steps moving away has her guessing the girls have left Alexis alone and Kate finds herself willing back tears of her own. There's nothing she wants more than to round that corner, to wrap Alexis in her arms and tell her not to listen to those girls, that she may be her favorite but that she's gotten to where she is all on her own. She's smart, hardworking and dedicated and to have that thrown in her face all because of Kate's actions…

This is her fault. She's the one responsible for putting Alexis in those crosshairs, for making her a target. The words she spoke to Meredith barely half an hour prior ring in the back of her mind. She'd warned her not to hurt Alexis.

But Kate has done the very same thing, she's put Alexis in harm's way, despite the fact that it was the farthest thing from her intention. She did this.

The realization hits hard, her insides twisting and flipping her stomach upside down.

Her heart screams at her to take the few steps it would take to reach Alexis but she knows it would be selfish. She's probably the last person Alexis wants to see right now.

So instead she turns back towards her class but her insides ache with every step, her heart still feels like someone deliberately stepped on it.

She's no better than Meredith. She hurt Alexis and she has no idea what she's supposed to do to make this better, how she's supposed to make this right.

All she knows is she's managed to do the one thing she vowed she never would when she let herself fall for Rick Castle.

* * *

 **A/N: My apologies for the day late update. It's that time of year again and finals have already begun rolling in. The story is completely written however, I just need to do some editing. So don't worry, you should still be getting weekly updates until the end ;) In other news, I'm very excited to announce that I'll be posting an advent Christmas story this year! I will be posting updates daily from December 1st until the 25th! I hope you join me in reading that story as well! I'd love to know what you think of this chapter! - Zoe**

 _Twitter: ZoeKeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	16. Chapter 16

Kate grabs her phone from her desk once she gets back to her class, still rattled by the conversation she just overheard and did nothing to stop.

She opens the messaging app to let Lanie know that something came up and they'll have to reschedule their talk, and that's when she sees Rick had sent her a text about two hours ago asking her to call him when she found some time.

And maybe she should but that's about the last thing she wants to do right now. How is she supposed to tell him that his daughter was just bullied at school because of her, because of their relationship, and that she did nothing stop it? Stepping in and denying the accusations those girls had thrown at Alexis only would have made it worse, she knows that. They would have used it as fuel later for more intimidation. But that's doesn't mean it didn't cleave her chest open to have to listen to those girls tear her down like that and do nothing.

She has no idea how to tell him she's failed him, that she's failed his daughter. So she doesn't call back.

The rest of the day goes by slowly, her two remaining classes consisting in a mix of lecturing and some silent work. Thoughts from this morning continue to plague her until the last bell rings, dismissing her students and she quickly grabs her stuff to leave, doesn't want to stay here for a minute longer.

When she steps into her car, Kate notices Rick has sent her a text asking if everything is okay.

She keeps her answer generic, saying she hasn't had much time today and that she's swamped with work but reassures him that everything is fine.

It isn't fair of her, really. He doesn't know what happened and it must look like she's avoiding him but she just... She can't talk to him, not right now. Not when what happened has her questioning everything.

She knew this was a possibility. It was selfish of them to try this while Alexis is still in her class. And now his daughter is paying the price. She doesn't know how to look at herself in the mirror. She isn't sure what else this proves other than the fact that she'll probably end up hurting both Rick and Alexis if she stays.

Driving mindlessly, she ends up at her father's apartment. She parks in her usual spot, seeing as her dad doesn't own a car and takes the elevator up to his floor. It's not like this is a surprise or anything, seeing as she still comes over to see him most days after school but she almost feels nervous knocking on his door. He'll see right through her. There isn't much she can hide from her father when he's sober.

The door swings open and sure enough, his smile gives way to a frown when he lays eyes on her. "Katie, what's wrong?" He asks, his voice concerned.

"I don't know what to do." Her voice sounds frail even to her own ears, like she's been holding back tears and her father opens the door wider, takes a step sideways for her to come inside.

She walks in and takes off her coat, gives herself a moment to breathe and try to sort out her thoughts.

"What's going on?" her Dad asks once he's back in the kitchen, reaching for two glasses to poor them both some water as they talk.

"It's about Alexis. I... I hurt her," Kate admits, the knot in her stomach pulling tight.

"How so?"

"It wasn't on purpose," she clarifies before she explains.

"It never crossed my mind that it would be," Jim answers honestly and she manages a weak tilt of her lips for her father but it's forced.

"I care about her. A lot. And yesterday, when she was called down to the office before the whole Meredith fiasco, she was in my class." Her dad nods, following so far, and waits for her to get to the real problem. "She was scared and before she left she gave me a hug, called me Kate. Students in the class must have heard because I overheard some girls talking to her about it today. They were bullying her, Dad, telling her she didn't deserve her grades, that she was just a teacher's pet. I just- I knew this would happen, that was a bad idea." She covers her face with her hands, sighing and closing her eyes for a second.

Her father's face gives nothing away. He doesn't answer as soon as she's finished, takes a seat on a stool by the kitchen island instead and gives thought to his words. She's always admired that about him, how he never rushes to say what he's thinking, always opting to organize his thoughts before speaking.

"I think you're being hard on yourself, Katie," he begins and she rolls her eyes, starts to protest, but he stops her before she can get a word in. "Kids are mean. They'll use whatever they can to hit their target if they set their mind to it."

"Well I gave them the tool, Dad. I fed their ammunition."

"Did you?"

"I-" She hesitates, but it's clear to her that she did.

"Because the way you've always talked about Alexis, it seems she's a very smart girl."

"She is."

"So were you really giving her better marks because she's your favourite student?"

"No, of course not! Alexis has always been top of the class. She's brilliant. That's not the point," she argues. "They are using me to get to her. I can't let that happen."

"You can't control what people are going to think. These girls were jealous of Alexis' grades. That's why they are bullying her, not because you've been treating her differently than other students. They would have expressed that jealousy whether you'd hugged her or not. You've always been a fair teacher, Katie. Hugging a student or letting her call you by another name doesn't change that." Her father's words make sense but she can't shake the thought that this is nonetheless her fault. She doesn't answer right away, her mind going a mile a minute.

"She was crying, Dad."

"Being the victim of bullying is never a fun experience," he concedes. "Did you intervene when you over heard them?"

"No, I... I knew they'd only use that against her too, that it would only look like I was defending her as a favourite."

"Maybe," Jim says and she can tell by his tone that he agrees on some level but that there's more.

"You think I should have stepped in?"

"No, you probably did the right thing not to say anything. Like you said, it only would have added fuel to the fire."

Kate waits for him to continue but he doesn't say more. "But..." She starts for him, dragging out the word, wanting him to elaborate. She knows he's holding back.

He sighs, and Kate has a feeling she won't like what more he has to say. "But Alexis was still hurt by something she probably thought was true, to some extent."

He was right. His words twist like a knife in her lower abdomen and she feels the prickling of tears behind her eyes. But Jim continues. "I think what's important is that Alexis knows it's not true, that you aren't giving her free grades because you like her more than other students."

She lets her head drop into her hands as she sits down on the couch. Her father is right. She should have talked to Alexis to make sure she knew just how smart she is, that what those girls said is the farthest thing from the truth. God, she's messed this up so badly.

"It's not too late to talk to her now, Katie," her dad says softly as he takes a seat beside her on the sofa, as though reading her mind.

But if she wasn't able to handle this, how can she trust herself not to hurt Alexis again? "I'm not good for them, Dad."

"For who?" he asks, genuinely confused.

"Rick and Alexis. I've caused problems with Alexis' mother, Ricks ex-wife. I got jealous when he went to dinner with his publisher. And now I've managed to hurt Alexis too. I can't keep doing this to them."

"I'm sure if I asked Rick or Alexis, neither of them would see it that way," he points out but Kate shakes her head.

"Just because they can't see I'm not good for them, doesn't mean it isn't true," she says resolutely. "It's my responsibility to let them go."

"Katie..." her Dad starts, tries to stop her from making a rash decision when she's hurt, but Kate is already standing, heading for the door. "You know, I haven't seen you this happy since your Mom was taken from us." The words stop her in her tracks, just as he hoped they would, though she doesn't turn around to face them. "I didn't see Rick for very long at the hospital but from what little I saw of him, I could tell the man cares about you deeply."

The pang in her chest squeezes tightly. She knows it's true and she loves him too, but that's why she has to let him go. "I know you think you're doing the right thing but it's not the way to go, Katie. You'll hurt them."

Kate takes in a shaky breath, her lungs throb as she forces air into her body. "I'll hurt them now to save them from more pain later."

* * *

She feels sick to her stomach knowing what she's about to do as she steps out from her car and into Ricks building. She's under no impression that this is going to be easy, that it won't tear her heart right from her chest and slice it open but she doesn't see any other way. They'll be hurt now, but they'll recover and once they do, they'll be better off without her. She knows losing them both will probably break her. Her father was right, she hasn't been this happy in years, not since her mother died, but staying for those reasons would be selfish.

Unfortunately, her thoughts don't do much to calm the race of her heart or the way her chin trembles every few seconds. Her palms are sweaty when she knocks on the door.

She hadn't texted him or let him know she was coming so the look of pleasant surprise when he opens the door to find her is expected. What she hadn't anticipated was that the soft bloom of his smile would have the tears finally falling from behind her eyes, down to her cheeks.

The smile slips from his lips as he notices the wet tracks on her cheeks "Kate, what's wrong?" he steps outside with her, closing the door at his back to give them a bit of privacy. His hands move up to cradle her head between his palms and the gesture pricks at her heart, poking holes at her vital organ. "It's okay," he whispers against the crown of her head as her brings her in close, his arms coming around her waist to hold her. "Whatever it is, it'll be okay."

His words are proof that he has no idea how she's about to hurt him. Kate pulls back, wills herself to be strong and to think about more than what she wants. She isn't doing this for her, she's doing it for him and Alexis.

"I don't think this is going to work," she murmurs and the words leave a bitter taste in her mouth. He visibly shrinks back a little as her words register but he doesn't drop his arms from around her waist.

"What do you mean?" he asks cautiously, though she has a feeling he's starting to suspect what she's referring to.

"Us," she forces out the answer, despite the fact that she doesn't believe what she's saying.

"Where is this coming from?" he asks, and she can see the hurt already starting to line his features. It burns her from the inside out, to see what she's doing to him.

"I just can't, Rick. I'm sorry-"

"No, this morning we were fine. Hell, we were more than fine, we were amazing. And today you wouldn't answer my call, sent me a weird text instead of telling me what was going on. Something happened, Kate. Just tell me what it is so we can fix it." He's pleading with her, too perceptive for his own good and part of her wants to tell him, but she knows they can't fix this.

She doesn't answer him, and her body betrays her when he lays his hand her cheek again, and she instinctively turns her head towards it.

"Come on, Alexis and I were just about finished dinner but there's some left," he nudges her to step inside but the mention of Alexis has her sobering up. It's a reminder that she's doing this for a reason.

Kate steps back, realizing it's going to take more than those few words to convince him not to fight for her. And what she's about to do has bile rising in her throat.

"It's Meredith." His brow furrows in confusion at her words. "She came over to the school today and threatened me-"

"Kate," he says, swallowing hard and she can see the pain in his eyes, how sorry is for something he isn't really responsible for. "I swear, I'll press charges this time, she crossed a line. I thought she got the message to back off this morning when I talked to her but this is-"

"Rick, you're not listening to me. I don't want you to press charges, I just can't deal with this right now."

"This? Kate I swear, whatever she said-"

"It's not what she said," she interrupts before she loses her nerve but it's costing her everything. "It's the crazy ex-wives and the rumors with your publisher and I just can't," she lies, twists everything to give him a reason to let her go. The hurt in his gaze burns a hole in her chest, the intense throbbing resembling something she's only felt once before, when she lost her mother. But this- this is her fault.

"I thought we had cleared those things up. I told you I- I don't think about Gina that way and Meredith was way out of line." He's retreating slowly, her words effectively pushing him away, just like she'd wanted, only she never thought it would leave her so broken.

"I just don't think I'm cut out for this kind of life." That's the final blow, the one that strikes home and has his features hardening, his eyes turning murky with betrayal.

"Wow, okay." The fight has drained out of him and he's closed off now, cold and emotionless. "I didn't think you saw it that way." She's biting down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling but she keeps her mouth shut, doesn't trust her voice not to crack on a sob.

She nods, instead, confirming the lies she's just fed him.

He looks into her eyes and she doesn't know what he sees but it seems to confuse him. But he doesn't fight for something she just told him she doesn't want. "So I guess we should go our separate ways then, if that's what you want."

A fresh wave of tears build up behind her eyes but Kate does everything to keep them from falling. She's made it this far, she can finish what she started.

"That's probably what's best for everyone." Her voice is barely above a whisper but he doesn't miss the way she doesn't restrict this decision to just both of their well-being.

She can see the questions swimming in his eyes but she can't handle any of them. So she runs.

She turns away from him and walks briskly over to the stairwell, doesn't have the courage to stay and wait for the elevator.

"Kate-"

She hears him call after her but he doesn't chase her out into the hall. Not that she's left him much of a choice. He has a daughter alone inside the loft that he can't very well leave without any explanation. She doesn't stop, doesn't look back because she knows she'll turn and run right back into his arms if she does. There's nothing she wants more than to do just that but Alexis deserves better from her. She promised to keep his daughter safe, to keep her out of harm's way and she failed. And now she has to pay the price.

There's no stopping the tears and the sob that tears through her once she reaches the bottom of the stairs. She lets her back slide down the length of the wall until she reaches the floor. The pain in her chest is at its peak, her stomach rolling as she pictures the way he looked at her when she told him she wanted out. Her heart is telling her to run back, to beg for forgiveness and tell him the truth, the real reason why she just ran scared. And her mind... She expects her mind to tell her she just made the right call but it's more complicated than that.

She's just left the man she loves. Her reasons might have been honorable but nothing feels right about this, not in the way she did it or how she had to lie to get him to let her go without a fight. She made a decision for both of them, left him without the truth or an adequate explanation.

Telling herself that she was doing the right thing was the only way she got through that conversation. So why does it suddenly feel like she's made a terrible mistake?

* * *

 **A/N: Really sorry about the angst. Hope you enjoyed this update. I'll be starting to post my advent story on Friday and I hope you enjoy that too. Don't worry, I'll continue to update Building Walls weekly until it's over! Thank you for your support and I'd love to hear what you think! - Zoe**

 _Twitter: ZoeKeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I want to sincerely apologize for being so late with the update of this chapter. I did not realize how much work posting the advent fic every day would be and I wasn't able to update this one at the same time as I finished my University semester. Again, I'm truly sorry, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and are willing to see this story through! I promise it will be finished soon and I'll be posting the next chapter next week for sure. Thank you for your understanding.**

* * *

It's been three weeks since she walked up to his door and tore his heart right out of his chest. Everything still feels raw, the wound still gaping, as though it happened yesterday. He's been waging war with himself every day for the past three weeks, debating whether or not to call, to show up at her door, to fight for her. He gave in twice during the first week, called her and asked if he could come over to talk.

She hasn't returned any of his calls, the message clear. He loves her but he's not about to fight for something she doesn't want, can't put what little is left of his heart on the line for someone who refuses to talk things through, to give him a chance to fix this.

He wasn't sure what to tell Alexis, didn't want her to resent her favorite teacher for something that was between him and Kate. So he'd told her they'd decided to go their separate ways for a while.

The problem is, he's never been very good at hiding his emotions, never had a reason to hide them from his daughter either. Alexis isn't convinced by his act, despite the fact that he's made a show of plastering on a smile for her every day. But she's a smart girl, can see the pain through his eyes and the cracks in his smile. She's told him a few times.

"You look sad, Daddy," she'd said before school one morning as he'd placed plate with smiley face pancakes in front of her.

"I'm good, pumpkin, don't worry about me." But she hadn't been convinced by his dismissal.

"No you're not. I know you miss Kate."

His heart had twisted at the mention of her name and he'd sighed, let the facade fall for a couple of seconds. "Yeah, I do."

"Then you should go talk to her!" Alexis had jumped in immediately. "She misses you too, Dad."

"She told you that?" He knew he really shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be putting his daughter in the middle, acting as a messenger but the question had slipped out before he could stop it, his pulse accelerating slightly at his daughter's words.

"No, but I can see it. Just like I can see it with you. She's more tired than usual, and her eyes are red a lot, like she's been crying."

She'd been crying? Why? She'd been the one to leave him, to avoid his calls.

The conversation he'd had with Alexis had been two days ago and he's still mulling over the questions in his mind. Who said her being sad had anything to do with him or was even about them, though?

Something could have happened with her father. And it's nearly the end of the school year, there's no doubt in his mind that she'd be getting less sleep around this time of year.

He wants to believe she misses him as much as he does her, but there's no evidence for it. It's mere speculation, based on Alexis' account.

He still isn't sure he's convinced by the reasons she'd given him when she left. It seemed like there was more to it than her being uncomfortable with his ex-wife and that article about him and Gina. He was sure she'd known how none of it mattered, that he'd always chose her. Part of him wants to push, to demand more answers and convince her to give them another chance, to give _him_ another chance.

But she's the one who had come to him asking to break them up. And he's made it clear that that's the last thing he wants. If she's changed her mind, she knows where to find him.

But until then, he really should be working on putting the broken pieces of his heart back together.

* * *

She curses the constant burn of her eyes; it's been present for the past three weeks. She's barely able to keep it together at school but as soon as she gets home, all bets are off and the tears come flooding. It's been absolutely exhausting. She can't sleep properly, her mind obsessing over the decision she's made.

It haunts her day and night and she feels horrible because she knows she's let it affect her teaching for the past few weeks. Her lack of sleep is catching up to her and it's seriously affecting her energy level, her patience in the classroom and her ability to deliver the material clearly.

She's been a terrible teacher and she knows it. If only she could get some sleep, if only her mind could turn off for a couple of hours and stop reminding her that she should return his phone calls, that she should come clean and tell him what really happened, why she shut him out.

She thought the most excruciating part would be over when she let him go but these past few weeks have proved her wrong, it's been agonizing.

If only she can make it for another three weeks until the end of school, then she'll have an entire summer to try and get over the mess she's made.

 _Or maybe fix it,_ her mind fills in, but she pushes the thought back. She doesn't deserve to have him back, not after what she's done, the decisions she's made.

Kate shakes her head at herself and turns toward her desk. The kids are packing up their books and ready to go home as the last period just finished.

She's just sat in her chair when she notices one of her students is lagging behind, waiting for others to leave before she heads for the door.

Alexis waits for the last student to leave before she walks over to Kate's desk.

A few days after she'd broken things off with Rick for Alexis' sake, Kate had taken the time to talk to Alexis, letting her know that she wouldn't be going over to their house anymore. She needed Alexis to know that she wasn't going to let this affect her, that this was between her and Rick. She'd told Alexis this had nothing to do with her, despite the fact that it kind of did, though not in the way separations usually go.

It wasn't her fault in any sense that her decision had to do with Alexis' actions, it was out of his daughter's control. So, no, she wasn't about to tell Alexis the real reason behind her decision. Kate didn't want to put that kind of weight on her shoulders.

In the meantime, she's done her very best to maintain her relationship with Alexis while being as fair as she could in class. She's always tried to do that, but she's been paying a lot more conscious attention to it lately.

"Ms. Beckett, can I ask you something?" Alexis asks as she gets closer to her, though she keeps her head down and doesn't meet Kate's eye.

"Of course," Kate assures her, a bit concerned by how shy she seems to be. "What's on your mind?"

There's a beat of silence between them before Alexis speaks up, visibly torn and gathering up the courage say what whatever she's thinking. It has a nervous flutter tickling Kate's stomach.

"I know it's none of my business, but I think you should call my Dad."

The mention of Rick has her insides flipping, the knot in her abdomen pulling uncomfortably and the damn sting of tears is back behind her eyes. She hadn't expected those words at all.

"I know Dad said it was a decision you made together but you've both been so sad and I know he misses you a lot. I'm lucky because I get to see you at school every day but he doesn't."

She blinks and a tear falls to her cheek but she's quick to swipe it away, to hide the evidence of her sorrow. Rick had told Alexis that this had been a mutual decision? Why would he do that? Why would he lie-

To protect her. He probably hadn't wanted Alexis to be upset with her.

Shit.

She feels as though a sharp blade punctuates her insides, the pain rippling through her in a matter of seconds, internal bleeding filling her lungs as she tries to catch her breath but fails.

Even after she hurt him, he still put her first.

"I think he would take you back if you talked to him and he saw how sad you were."

Oh, how she wishes it were that simple. Only it's not because she's the one who ended things with little to no explanation and they'd been lies. She's been dodging his calls and refusing to call him back. If she hears his voice she knows she'll break.

And the way Alexis describes him, it sounds like he's still miserable. She did that, she put him through that. She can't expect to just waltz back into his life with an apology and for him to take her back. Not to mention, the reason she made the decision in the first place is still there, Alexis could still get hurt.

Just then she realizes she hasn't answered Alexis, that she's still waiting for a response.

"Alexis, I-" the air closes up in her lungs, clogging in her throat as she tries to string a coherent sentence together. Damn it, she needs to be stronger than this. "I hurt your Dad. I didn't want to, I promise you, it was the last thing I wanted," she takes in a shaky breath, and as she does her best to explain things to his daughter she starts to doubt the words that leave her mouth next. "But I had to."

"Why?" Alexis asks, so innocent, so eager to help fix the mess Kate has made.

"I-" She hesitates, closing her eyes for a second but she refuses to shut Alexis out too, refuses to lose them both. "It was the best thing to do for everyone." The words leave a bitter taste in her mouth, just as they did the first time she'd spoken them aloud and offered them as a weak explanation to Rick.

"How is it better if you're both sad all the time?"

It strikes her as a damn good question. Only, that's the one question she won't be able to answer. Kate refuses to let Alexis know that this was her way of protecting her.

"Trust me, it was." The problem is, she's not so sure of anything anymore, not when she sees her pain mirrored in Alexis' eyes. This hasn't been easy on her either.

"So you won't call him?"

"Alexis, believe me, I want to-" the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them but it's too late, she sees the soft glimmer in Alexis' eyes, a glimpse of hope crossed with confusion.

"Okay," she says, picking up her bag with too much of a swing in her step but she doesn't push any further.

"Okay?" Kate asks, confused now by Alexis' sudden change of demeanor.

"Yeah, everything will be okay," she confirms and the answer tugs at something in her chest. She's not so sure she can promise the same.

"Alexis," Kate calls out before the girl disappears on the other side of the door. "How have you been? Have you- has anyone been bothering you at school lately?"

"Not really, no. I've been good." Kate nods, glad Alexis doesn't seem to be too bothered by the question. If the intimidation has stopped then maybe she did do the right thing.

"Good."

"See you tomorrow, Ms. Beckett."

"Have a good evening, Alexis." The girl nods her head quickly and practically bolts out the door. It didn't seem like she was running away from her, though, more like she was running to something.

Kate shakes her head and releases a long exhale, letting her lungs shrink up until there's nothing left. She's just so confused about everything. She knows Rick would do just about anything to protect his daughter and that's exactly what Kate thought she was doing. And she is, but Alexis does have a point. None of them are very happy at the moment, and that's on her.

* * *

"Katie, you know I love having you over here, but I'm worried about you," her dad remarks as she tosses the salad into a bowl.

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm having a girl's night with Lanie this week and I have a lot of correcting to do. And you do know it's the end of the school year, right? I've been busy, trust me."

"But are you happy?"

"Dad, I don't need a lecture tonight, okay?" she deflects the question because they both know what the answer would have been. "Can we just enjoy supper and then I'll go home and continue grading the piles of assignments my students handed in two days ago?"

"Of course," Jim acquiesces. She knows he didn't mean to pick a fight and that's why he's letting it go, but he wouldn't be her father if he hadn't slipped in his two cents in their conversation at some point tonight. He's looking out for his only daughter, she knows that, she's even grateful that he's doing so well with his alcoholism that he can guide her again. She's not about to complain now that she has her father back.

He avoids the topic for the rest of the evening but she can't help thinking about that fact that her father is the second person to observe that she doesn't look happy today.

She knew leaving Rick wouldn't be easy, but the truth is, she really had no idea. Being with him was _good_ , it filled a void inside her and now the emptiness is back, only it's worse somehow. Now she knows what it's like to be a part of his life, to be loved by him. She'd started to think of him and Alexis as family.

But she pulled at the loose string of a perfectly fine sweater until there was nothing but yarn in her hands, picked at the scab until it started to bleed again. She managed to find the one thing that felt wrong and let it consume her until she'd ruined everything. And for the first time since she left his apartment, left him, she thinks maybe this was never only about Alexis, maybe she just she ran scared from the one thing that could make her happy, hurting not only herself, but two of the people she cares about most in the process.

* * *

"Dad!" Alexis calls out excitedly as she enters the loft and closes the door behind her. She comes running up to the kitchen counter where he's preparing supper, her hands pushing up the weight of her body until her feet are dangling above the ground.

"Hey, pumpkin. Good day at school?" He asks with a genuine smile, glad to see her in such a good mood.

"School was fine," she shrugs and he has a feeling she wants him to fish for it.

Alright, he's game. Rick drops the knife he was chopping carrots with on the counter top and claps his hands together, indicating that he's about to start guessing

"You got an A on your French test?"

"Haven't gotten the grade back yet." She shakes her head.

"You finished reading 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'?" he tries again.

"Nope, still on the last book." She raises her brow expectantly, waiting for his next guess.

"Paige got a pony?"

"Dad." Alexis rolls her eyes.

"Alright, I give up! Tell me." He leans his head against his hands, his elbows resting on the counter top, eager to hear what's got her so happy.

"I talked to Ms. Beckett." His heart clenches slightly but he does his best to stay happy for her. He doesn't want Alexis to feel like she can't talk to him about school or anything that involves Kate. He can handle it.

He _can_. He just can't control his body's involuntary reactions.

"She said she couldn't call you but that she wanted to!" she reveals, bouncing on her toes with excitement. "You have to go to her Dad!"

He chokes on whatever words he thought he was going to say. "What- What do you mean 'she wanted to'?"

"She said she hurt you. That she wanted to call you but that she shouldn't because it was best for everyone."

Part of him wants every detail, he wants to ask Alexis a million questions but he never wanted her to be in the middle this and he isn't about to start doing that now.

"Alexis," he sighs because it pains him that his daughter felt like she had to do this, that she went ahead and made herself the middle man. "Why did you ask Ms. Beckett about us?"

"Because you're both so unhappy." She says it matter-of-factly but he can see her temper rising, the frustration in the knit of her brow and the slight frown curving her lips. "You both keep saying how this isn't about me but I'm still here, Dad. And I know you're both trying but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that both of you are putting on an act. You pretend that you're happy when I'm home but I know you and I know something's wrong. And Ms. Beckett, she's trying her best to teach the class as if everything is fine but she's not, and I'm not the only one who's noticed that something's off with her. This might be between the two of you but it's hurting me too."

His daughter's words are a punch to the gut, knocking the air right out of him. And here he thought he'd been doing so well, keeping her sheltered from the brewing storm of his emotions.

He hasn't been doing that at all. He doesn't know how he didn't notice before, how he didn't see that she's so obviously been hurt by all of this too.

"I'm so sorry, Alexis. You have to know that was never my intention, Kate's either, I'm sure," he starts and he's under no impression that is words are enough but he doesn't even know where to start apologizing. He's gone about all of this so wrong.

"I know Dad," she murmurs, and he can see that her eyes are red rimmed, holding back tears as she bites down on her bottom lip to keep her chin from trembling.

"Come here, Pumpkin," he opens his arms and she falls into them willingly without a moment's hesitation, her own arms wrapping around his waist in a hug. God, he needs to do better by his little girl. He just... He doesn't know how to fix this.

"I've tried calling her," he whispers against the top of her head where his chin rests. "I can't force her to talk to me," he says, voice soft, willing her to understand.

"I know, Dad. But I think you might have to do more than just call. I think you need to fight for her if you really want her back."


	18. Chapter 18

His daughter may or may not have convinced him to fight for the woman he loves. Okay, he isn't kidding anyone, she totally convinced him. It's not that he didn't want to, but he respects Kate enough to give her privacy and her not returning his calls seemed like a clear message to him.

But now that Alexis has told him how miserable Kate is, how she's been _wanting_ to return his calls but hasn't because she thinks she shouldn't, alarm bells have started going off in his mind. Something is going on, something he missed.

Ever since she left, he's always felt like something was off about her explanation, like she wasn't telling him the whole story. Well, he's done drowning and wallowing in self-pity, he's going after it now. The puzzle pieces she's left him with don't fit together right and there's no way he's letting her get away if she still wants him as much as he wants her.

So now he's standing in front of her building, working up the courage to walk through the door and go knocking on hers. He's nervous though, his stomach fluttering violently in a way that has him thinking he might throw up. He needs to get some control, will his heart rate to slow. Only, this is Kate, the woman he's in love with and hasn't seen in over a month because she's been avoiding him. It feels like the stakes are higher than ever.

It's the thought of seeing her that has his feet finally moving from the spot he's been stuck in for the past five minutes. He just... he needs to see her.

He rides the elevator up to her floor and feels the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he walks up to her door. His fingers form into a fist and he knocks, but immediately regrets it.

Shit, he hasn't thought about what to say, he hasn't found the right words, didn't prepare-

The door swings open to reveal Kate dressed in a grey sweater and jeans and all thoughts, other than the fact that she looks adorable, leave his brain.

"Rick." She wasn't expecting him - not that she had any reason to, seeing as he didn't call - and her eyes go wide with surprise as she speaks his name. He can't help thinking how much he's missed the sound of her voice, especially the way his name rolls off her tongue, how he wants to kiss her-

 _Focus, Rick._

"Kate," her name is the only thing he manages to say and it sounds like he's just as surprised as she is despite the fact that _he's_ the one who just showed up at her door. "Hi."

God, he could slap himself. This is exactly why he should have come prepared, should have rehearsed what he'd planned to say because now that he's here he sounds like a complete moron.

"I was hoping maybe we could talk," he tries, and honestly, he half expects her to shut the door in his face at this point but he has no clue where else to start.

She surprises him, though, opens the door a little wider and steps to the side, leaving enough room for him to enter her apartment. His heart stutters slightly at the sight and he doesn't hesitate to take her cue, taking the few steps needed to cross the threshold into her home.

His body brushes against hers as he passes, his arm slightly grazing her chest and he thinks he hears her take in a sharp breath at the contact. He balls his hands into fists to resist the urge to reach out, to touch her again. He's missed her touch but he knows the moment he gives in to his urges, no words are likely to make it passed his lips. Not to mention she just might kick him out of her apartment if he tried to pull a stunt like that.

She's let him in and he doesn't want to try his luck, doesn't want to rush doing anything that might cost him this chance to finally fix things with her.

Kate closes the door behind him and barely spares a look in his direction as she heads back to her kitchen.

"Did you want a coffee or something?"

She's already reaching for two cups before he even has the chance to answer, her hands moving quickly as she takes everything out to prepare their drinks. He has a feeling she's trying to keep herself busy, distract herself from the conversation she knows they're about to have.

"Sure," he answers, even though she's already halfway done preparing his cup. He's already pushed her boundaries by showing up here despite the fact that she made it clear she wanted a clean break and he's not about to stop her from making coffee if it'll help calm her, if she's willing to hear him out.

He gives her the space she needs, waits for her in the living room by the couch. He's missed being around her, being surrounded by things that remind him of her. Being in her apartment somehow has a weight lifting from his chest, like he can breathe a little easier, a little more fully for the first time in a month. This is why he's here, why he's willing to put everything on the line for her: breathing feels different when she's not around, when he knows she won't be coming back.

This is his chance to make it right. _Or get closure_ , the thought pops in the back of his mind but he pushes it further back. He can't think like that right now.

It's only a couple of minutes before he hears her footsteps approach in his direction and he turns towards her. He accepts the coffee mug from her hands with a subtle curl of his lips he hopes reaches his eyes.

Neither of them say anything, both waiting on the other and taking a sip of their respective coffees to buy some time. But he's the one who showed up here and asked if they could talk. This is his time.

He takes another sip of coffee, lets the warmth infuse his veins with a bit of courage before he sets the cup down on a coaster from the living room table.

"I miss you," he starts, doesn't know if it's the right thing to say but it's the one thing he knows for sure. She looks up from her cup in her hand and her eyes meet his. He thinks he sees pain that mirrors his in the murky green depths that surround her irises, the missing specks of gold he used to love a testament to her sadness. But he doesn't want to be presumptuous, doesn't want to read what could be mere wishful thinking in her eyes. So, he continues.

"This past month has been... excruciating. I can't stop thinking about you Kate. About the way it feels when we're together and about the words we said."

He sees her swallow hard as he says it, thinks he can see a flash of remorse cross her features. She'd told him she loved him, told him she knew Meredith's words weren't true. Had she lied about those things?

And _damn it_ , he didn't come here to pick a fight or throw accusations at her, but he needs her to know what's been swirling around in his mind for the past month. "I told you I loved you, Kate. And you said it back and the same night, you told me you knew the things Meredith had said were bullshit. I know she's a lot to handle and I know that her showing up at your work to threaten you isn't fair to you but-" he hesitates for a second before he decided it needs to be said. "Leaving me because of her actions, before I even had a chance to do something about them wasn't fair either."

The words burn his throat on their way out. He's been holding things in for weeks and finally letting the thoughts free feels better than he ever could have imagined. "So, either, you didn't mean it when you said you loved me or you lied and there's something more going on here that's driving you away." He's almost positive the answer is the latter, but that may only be because he can't imagine that the force of what he feels for her is one sided. It can't be.

* * *

Her chest is tight and her airway has been clogged since he entered her apartment, unable to breathe right past the lump in her throat. She can't do this, can't continue to let him believe that she didn't - _doesn't_ \- love him. Because she does, and tearing them apart, even if for commendable reasons, has left a jagged, gaping hole in her chest she can't seem to be able to heal or patch up.

She's miss him too. So damn much. And now that he's here, demanding answers, telling her he misses her and trying to glue the pieces of the mess she's made back together, she doesn't think she's strong enough to break his heart again. Hell, it's both their hearts she's broken.

He's waiting on her now, she knows that. He's explained his side of things and she either has to confirm or deny it.

Confirming it would break them irreparably, of that's she's sure. There won't be any more chances left for them if he leaves her apartment believing she never loved him.

"Rick, I-" she starts, clearing her throat when her words come out on a choked breath. Her eyes are beginning to sting in a way that's become all too familiar nowadays and she curses her body for betraying her like this, for failing to keep the tears from falling to her cheeks. "I didn't know what else to do. I- I thought I was protecting you. You and Alexis."

The words leave her lips on a whisper, ashamed, and she turns her head away from him, hiding behind the curtain of her hair and biting down on her bottom lip to keep her chin from trembling.

"Kate," her name leaves his lips softly and it soothes the rough edges of her heart. He doesn't sound angry or upset with her, even though he has every reason to be. "Hey, come here." She feels the wall of his body shift closer to hers, the familiar warmth surrounding her and she gives in to his body's call, lets herself turn towards him, her head coming to rest in the crook of his neck. He wraps his arms around her waist, his fingers smoothing up and down her back and along the ridges of her spine. The smell of him engulfs her and a fresh wave of tears hits her as her heart soars in his presence.

A sob makes it past her throat despite her better efforts and he holds her a little bit tighter, holding her for as long as she needs. After a few seconds she pulls back slightly, willing herself to pull it together, taking in a ragged breath.

When she looks up to meet his eyes she can see he isn't angry, but rather concerned, only seeks to understand.

It's time she came clean.

"The second time Meredith came to the school, she really did threaten me. She told me you and I wouldn't last and that she'd be there when you'd eventually let me go." She can see the fury flare behind his eyes but she's quick lay a hand to his arm, willing him to hear the rest. "I was angry but it didn't change anything about the way I felt and how much I wanted to be with you." His brow furrows with confusion, seeing as that was the very explanation she had given him when she left.

"It was later that day." She breathes in and tries to think of the best words to describe how she felt when she heard those girls talking to Alexis, bullying her. "I was heading to my classroom when I overheard some girls talking. I recognized Alexis' voice even though I couldn't see any of them." She looks away for what comes next, can't bear to see the inevitable fade of light in his eyes when she tells him what she's responsible for. "They were calling her names and telling her she got her grades because I liked her the most. They were bullying her and she was crying and I couldn't _do_ anything, Rick. They were using me to hurt her and if stepped in to protect her I would only have made her look guiltier. I-"

Kate closes her eyes, her hands squeezed into fists so tight her nails carve crescent-shaped imprints on the inside of her palms. "I didn't know how else to protect her, other than to make it look as though I was distancing myself from her. I didn't want to leave you, I just couldn't stand the thought of being the reason Alexis was being picked on and it seemed like the only way."

He's silent for what feels like hours after she finally tells the truth, finally releases the words that have been haunting her for the last few weeks.

His arms had fallen away from her waist as she'd begun explaining and she suddenly feels cold in the absence of his embrace. She wants to look up at him, to gage the expression in his eyes but she's so afraid of what she'll see. There's nothing she wants more than for them to come out of this, to fix things with him, but she knows she's entirely at fault here, that she's the reason they are even in this mess. She wants to beg him for forgiveness, for another chance, but it seems like a lot to ask from a man who gave her everything once before.

"You broke us up to protect Alexis," are the first words to leave his mouth after what feels like the longest silence, only rationally she knows couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds. When he doesn't say more, she starts to panic, the knot in her stomach tightening uncomfortably and the need to salvage whatever she can, breaks loose, the fear of losing him for good overpowering everything else.

"I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Rick. And I'm sorry that I let Alexis get caught in the net of our relationship even though I promised I'd do everything I could to keep her safe. I tried and I never wanted-"

Her breath catches in her throat on a gasp, cutting her sentence short when she feels the warmth of his palms against her cheeks. Kate's eyes shift from the floor up to his in surprise at the contact but she barely has time to register what's happening before his lips descend to meet hers.

She moans against his lips, heat blooming in every cell of her body from his touch, the cup of his hands at her cheeks sending sparks through her blood. His lips are gentle on her, as soft as she remembers but her mouth opens on a gasp at the nip of his teeth to her bottom lip, the punishing stroke of his tongue against hers.

Fire licks at her insides, his kiss growing bolder by the second as he claims her, takes back what is his, what he's been missing for the past month. And she lets him - god she has no objection to this. She lets him taste the apology on her tongue, shows him how much she's missed him in the clasp of her fingers in the short hairs at his nape.

Her hips rock into his, move towards him with a mind of their own, her body taking over and responding to the desperate call of his. He groans against her mouth as their centers align perfectly and she holds back a whimper when his thigh hits just the right spot, providing glorious friction and sending waves of heat pulsing through her abdomen, reverberating through her every limb.

"Kate," he whispers her name like a prayer when their lips separate for air, but he makes no move to put any distance between them, letting his lips descend to her neck instead, sucking at the smooth skin behind her ear as his hands move down to her waist and pull her in closer to him, encouraging the sway of her body against his.

Her breath catches in her throat when he bites down on her collarbone, laves his tongue over it a second later to soothe the sting and she lets her fingers clamp in his shirt at his shoulders as desire continues to bloom inside her, every inch of her yearning and burning for him, for his touch.

"God, I missed you," she confesses, knowing all too well that this was her fault, that she's the reason they were apart and both so unhappy. The words seem to ignite something in him and he growls, possessive now as he slips his fingers under the thin veil of her shirt. The heat of his palms sears her skin, setting every inch of her aflame and this time she doesn't even try to contain the mewl that rises from her throat. "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," she chants, her mind incoherent and unable to think of anything but the truth of those words.

She guides his head back up to hers with her hands at his cheeks and claims his mouth, tries to convey the force with which she hates what she did, what she thought she had to do, from the moment she did it. Hopes he knows it was never what she wanted.

"I'm so sorry, Rick-"

The apology bubbles up from her once more but he's quick to silence her with the press of his mouth, swallowing the words from her lips.

"No more," he says, a bit out of breath from her kiss. "Just please tell me it's over, that you'll come back to me." His eyes are begging, desperate for her to promise, but they haven't talked, haven't gone over how he truly feels about everything she's done. There's nothing she wants more than to start over with him but she doesn't know if she deserves it.

"Rick," she brings her hands up to frame his face, holds his gaze to ensure he reads the sincerity in her words. "I want to. There's nothing I want more, but I- I hurt you. And Alexis. How can you take me back after something like that?"

"Kate, you did what you did to protect my daughter. I won't lie and say it doesn't still hurt. You should have come to me with the truth and we would have figured out a way to make things work, without breaking us up. But you did it for the right reasons. I could never be angry with you for trying to protect Alexis and putting her above you, above what you wanted."

She feels the tears stinging behind her eyes again and he swipes his thumb along her cheek to wipe them away. "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I never wanted to leave you."

Rick pulls her in closer, his arms coming around her waist and she doesn't resist in the least, lets her body fall into his, hiding her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his fresh clothes and aftershave.

It calms the raging storm still wreaking havoc in her stomach, the stumbling beat of her heart. He's forgiving her, willing to give them another chance and she can't help but think she doesn't deserve him. Only this time, she's too selfish to tell him and sacrifice him again.

If he thinks they can be together and manage to keep Alexis out of harm's way, she trusts him. He'd never do anything to hurt his daughter, of that, she's absolutely certain.

Kate lifts her head from his shoulder but doesn't pull away from him, he keeps her locked in his embrace.

His eyes are a piercing cerulean, deep blue depths she wouldn't mind drowning in, though she has a feeling he'd never let her sink.

"Okay," she says, hoping her eyes mirror the awe and gratefulness she finds in his.

"Okay?" He asks, hope lighting up his face, brightening every one of his features. The upward curve of his lips is infectious, and she finds herself smiling back at him with equal excitement, feels her cheeks ache with the force of it.

She nods. "We'll figure something out. Together, this time and hopefully something involving less pain for both of us."

"I like that plan." He leans forward to brush his smile to hers, unable to resist the call of her lips. Not that he ever could. He hasn't been able to keep his hands - or his lips - to himself since the very first day he met her at the Spring Dance of his daughter's school. Even then, he knew there was something special about Kate Beckett.

"You know," she starts suggestively, her fingers gliding through the hair at his nape and his eyebrows hitch, his eyes darkening and pupils dilating at her tone. "I heard physical activity can sometimes help to get ideas flowing."

She squeals in surprise when he picks her up off her feet and into his arms, heading straight for the bedroom. Kate laughs, teasing him as she takes his earlobe between her teeth, reveling in the growl she manages to pull from his throat.

"I have a feeling there won't be much thinking involved tonight, Miss Beckett," he warns, setting her down on the bed and following her body up the mattress.

"You certainly won't find me complaining," she murmurs before pulling him down and catching his lips with hers. "Rick," she pulls away slightly, only far enough to reach his eyes, when she realizes there's still one thing that can't be left unsaid. "I meant it when I told you I loved you. I still do."

His eyes soften at her words, a softer hue of sapphire washing out the midnight sky of his eyes when the smile blossoms across his lips, lights up his face. "I love you too, Kate. So much."

God, she has no idea what she did to deserve this man, she still doesn't think she does but one thing is for sure, she's never letting him go again.

It's the last thought to breach through the haze of her mind before he effectively makes her forget everything but his name.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you all had a wonderful time over the holidays and I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year with lots of health and happiness! I got very busy with Christmas and New Years, I hope you can forgive the late update. The next chapter will be the epilogue. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this update! - Zoe**

 _Twitter: zoekeller_

 _Tumblr: zkalways_


	19. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

* * *

One year later

* * *

Kate lifts a hand to her hair to adjust one last strand and a reflection of light in the mirror catches her attention. She looks down at the ring on her fourth finger, still not used to the weight of it or the way it shimmers at any catch of light, but nothing has ever felt more certain.

Richard Castle asked her to marry him three days ago. The thought sends a wave of fluttering butterflies through her abdomen, tickling her insides and raising a smile to her cheeks.

They're having their parents over at the loft for supper to announce the news and Kate knows she doesn't have anything to worry about - her father loves Rick and she thinks Martha appreciates her too - but she's still a bit nervous to tell the rest of the world.

Tonight isn't for the rest of the world though, it's only her father and his mother. She has a feeling they might even have their suspicions. Jim has already dropped a hint more than once, asking when he should expect a wedding invitation after the first Nikki Heat - teacher by day, investigator by night - novel hit the shelves a few months ago.

Sometimes it still hits her hard, strikes like a blow to her chest, the reminder that this is her life now. She's marrying Richard Castle and he's writing a series of novels inspired by her.

It still sounds crazy, even to her own ears, but she wouldn't change a single thing about it, wouldn't want it any other way.

"Hey, you okay?" She hears Castle ask as he steps into their ensuite bathroom to join her. Kate turns away from the mirror to face him and laces her arms around his neck.

"I'm good," she smiles, leaning in to lay a quick kiss to his lips. "You?"

"Nervous," he admits and Kate nods but the grin doesn't fall away from her lips.

"My Dad loves you, Castle. There's nothing to be worried about," she reassured him.

"I know, I just... Maybe I should have asked him first? I don't know if he's old fashioned and thinks I should have gone to him."

Kate rolls her eyes even though the thought is kind of sweet. "He won't mind, Rick. Trust me, he'll be over the moon. He's been asking about this since Nikki Heat."

"Really?" His voice piques with interest. "And you didn't care to share this information with me?" He raises a brow in question, narrowing his eyes at her but Kate shrugs.

"Nope. I wanted you to figure out whether or not you wanted to marry me, all on your own." She barely has time to finish her sentence before his palms are cupping her cheeks, his lips slanting over hers in a fierce kiss that has the world tilting on its axis.

"There has never been a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Not since I got you back all those months ago."

The mention of her mistake, her poorly planned decision to break them up in an attempt to protect Alexis still has shame rolling around in her stomach whenever she's reminded of the time they had to spend apart, despite the fact that she knows he's forgiven her. She learned the hard way that she couldn't take it back, couldn't undo what she'd done, but she could do her best to make things right. Almost a year later, she's still working to prove to him - and to herself - that she deserves him, deserves to be a part of this family.

They'd both agreed to continue to see each other but not to go public with anything or at least as long as Alexis was still in her class. Once she and Castle has talked things through, she'd done a lot of reflection, came to conclusions she thinks Dr. Burke would be proud of. The problem was never really about whom with which she was spending her personal time. It was about how others perceived things, made false conclusions based on incorrect assumptions and those things, she really had no control over. What she _could_ control however, was what she told Rick and Alexis, that she shared the truth and made sure Alexis had all the tools to deal with intimidation if ever it were to arise as an issue again.

After she and Castle had worked things out, Kate had made it a point to talk with Alexis. As much as she hated to admit it, and as far from her intentions as it had been, Kate's actions had hurt her. She'd not only left Rick, but his daughter too, left them both in the dark about her true feelings and reasons for leaving. Kate had sat down with her to have a serious talk about bullying and intimidation at school, she's made it clear that if there was ever anything, Alexis could always come to her for help or guidance. She'd assured her that those girls had backed off after that day and Kate had been relieved to hear it, but her worries weren't so easily extinguished. She still made sure to check in with Alexis about it every couple of weeks, keeping an extra eye out for her at school as well. It's how she should have handled the situation from the start and even now, she's ashamed it took her so long to see it.

"Hey, wherever your mind went, don't go there. I know I said I was nervous, and I am, but deep down I know things will be great tonight."

Kate nods, because he's right about that. She doesn't need to be worried about tonight or their parents' reactions.

"Kate, could you help me with something?" she hears Alexis ask from the kitchen.

"Go, I'll be right out." He squeezes his hands at her hips, laying a kiss to her forehead before he moves out of the way to let her get to the kitchen.

"Hey," Kate says as she reaches Alexis, perched on one of the bar stools. "What are you reading?" She asks, noticing the novel sized book open in front of her.

"Of Mice and Men," Alexis sighs.

"You don't like it?" Kate is surprised, always thought that was a great one. She was sure Alexis would like it too.

"No, I do. It's just… It makes me so sad," she admits, clearly frustrated with the book, and yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's not an easy book to read. "I just don't know how to write this essay. I really wish it would have ended differently. I know it's childish, that there isn't always a happy ending, but I can't help but think there are so many other ways things could have gone. It didn't _have_ to end this way."

"You know, I think you have something really interesting to write about right there. There are all sorts of possibilities in life, endless directions and paths you could take. Sometimes those are for the best but other times they're for the worst. I think there's definitely a lot to be said about that."

Alexis' eyes light up as Kate turns her thoughts into a more concrete idea. "You think it's good enough to write an essay about?"

"Absolutely," she confirms, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Alexis' forehead, passing her to pull the chicken parmesan out when the timer on the oven starts to beep.

"Thanks, Kate." She pulls out a sheet of paper and starts to write her ideas down, but stops to look up at Kate a second later. "Sometimes I really wish you were still my English teacher," Alexis confesses, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

The words have her chest pulling tight but in a good way, one that has her smiling back at the girl who's become the closest thing to a daughter she's ever had over the past year. "And I wish I had your brilliant mind in my class."

The blush on Alexis' cheeks deepens but so does the grin on her lips. "But at least I see you at home all the time now and in a way, I think I like that even more."

"I like that too, sweetie." Kate moves in closer to Alexis again, pulling her in for a tight hug. The doorbell rings a second letter and they move apart.

"Show time," Alexis winks at her, grinning and Kate looks back to glare at her teasingly as she continues to walk towards the door.

"Hey, Dad," she greets, when she finds Jim Beckett on the other side of the door, holding a bottle of wine. "Dad, you know you didn't have to bring anything, especially not-"

"Hush, Katie, it's not for me. Just because I don't have anything to drink anymore, doesn't mean everyone else has to abstain," he argues, handing her the bottle and stepping out of his shoes once he passes the entryway.

"I know, but-"

"You really think Martha will say no to a tall glass of _Chateauneuf du Pape_?"

"I most certainly would not," Martha exclaims from behind them as she arrives to find the door already open. Both Jim and Kate laugh, the matriarch always one to make an entrance and Castle joins them just in time to take his mother's coat and hang it in their front closet.

"Good to see you, Jim," he greets, shaking her father's hand.

"Likewise, son." She sees Rick smile brightly at the name and the exchange sends gentle flutters to her stomach, only confirms what she already knew to be true. Her father won't have any objections to this, will be thrilled at the idea of her and Rick getting married.

"What's this?" Castle asks, motioning down to the bottle of wine in Kate's hand and she tilts her head in her father's direction. "Jim, there was really no need-" he starts to protest, just as Kate had and she loves him just a little bit more for it and though she didn't know that was even possible, she's certain she feels her heart expand with it. Her Dad quiets him just as he had her.

"It's a pleasure son, don't worry about it, it was truly not trouble at all."

"Well thank you, it's very thoughtful. I'm sure my mother will enjoy a glass," he quips, unknowingly echoing Jim's comment from seconds ago and Martha rolls her eyes.

"Yes, we've already established that dear. Now go on in the kitchen to pour me a glass so we can stop talking about it." Martha struts past them, heading over to the kitchen herself to embrace her grand-daughter who is still putting away her homework and Jim chuckles.

She's never been more proud of her father. He's been sober for just over a year now, still goes to AA meetings from time to time but she's finally in a place where she doesn't have to hope it will last anymore, she _knows_ it will. She doesn't need to worry about finding him passed out on the couch when she goes over to visit, doesn't feel guilty for spending the night at the loft with Rick and Alexis or going out for drinks with Lanie on occasion. He's even been volunteering at a local legal clinic to help out on some of their cases and Kate is hoping he might want to go back to his old firm in a couple of months if everything keeps going so well. They've never been in a better place, not since her Mom died.

She was worried when she first saw him walk in with a bottle of wine, the familiar pang in her chest tightening around her heart like a vice, but she'd been wrong to doubt him. He's finally in a place where he can walk into a liquor store and buy a bottle of wine without falling off the wagon, can enjoy a meal while others are drinking and not feel the need to step out of the room to breathe properly. He'd shared all of these feelings with her when she went over to his place last week and she'd felt his words chip at the last remaining bricks of her wall. They'd made it out of this nightmare alive, both of them, and every day she's grateful for it.

Kate grins as she watches her fiancé roll his eyes at his mother but strides over into the kitchen to follow her request.

"So," her father starts. "Everything good, Katie?"

She almost wants to tell him right now, to lift up her left hand and jump up and down like a little girl because the butterflies are flapping their wings in her stomach again, but she and Castle had a plan to do it over dinner, to announce the news of their engagement together. So, instead she settles for the largest, giddiest smile she can muster, telling herself to wait just a few more minutes.

"Everything's… great, Dad. I-" she's not even quite sure how to put it into words, not so that it's in any way adequate or representative, but as she looks over to find Rick, Alexis and Martha all chatting in the kitchen and her father by her side, it all becomes just a tad clearer. "I don't think I've been this happy in a really long time."

"I can tell," her father smirks, the corner of his lips turning up slightly as he glances down to her hand, giving her a wink and Kate takes in a sharp breath. Of course, he knows. He's her Dad. He probably took one look at her and knew.

She wraps her arms around him, can't help it, and she releases a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when his arms band around her tightly. "I'm so happy for you, Katie," he whispers in her hair. She chokes down a sob, wiping her cheeks and the skin beneath her eyes quickly before the spontaneous tears can leave any evidence.

"Thanks, Dad," she smiles, pulls away and laughs a little when he cups her cheeks in his hands.

"Now come on, we wouldn't want anyone thinking you told me about this before the big reveal."

Kate rolls her eyes, but turns towards the kitchen to join Rick, Alexis and Martha. "I didn't. It's not my fault you figured it out so quickly."

"Oh, sweetheart, it's written all over your face. I'm about ninety-five percent certain Martha knew the moment she saw you too. Either that or she's expecting news that you're pregnant."

She turns to him, wide-eyed. "Dad!"

Jim only shrugs, lifting his hands up in supplication. Oh, god she needs to talk to Castle right now. She can't have his mother thinking she's pregnant. Not that she doesn't want to be-

Woah. She doesn't even know where that came from. Then again, it's not really that much of a surprise, is it? Not when she'd agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. What surprises her most is the fact that the thought isn't scary at all, really. Eventually, maybe in a not so distant future, she'd like to have a child with Castle.

Not right this moment, though. No, they need to take this one step at a time, start with the wedding and then maybe they can start thinking about expanding their family.

"Babe," she whispers into his ear, leaning her chest against his back as he stirs a sauce that continues to heat on the stove. "My Dad knows."

She feels his spine stiffen against her chest, but she brings her hands up to squeeze his bicep immediately, tries to reassure him with her touch. "I didn't tell him, he just knew." Castle nods, believes her but when his head turns so that their eyes meet she can see the brief flash of uncertainty in his gaze.

"He's really happy for us, Castle. He can see just how happy you make me. That's how he knew."

Rick turns away from the stove to claim her mouth in a kiss that might be a little too heated for the kitchen while they are hosting a family dinner but right at this moment, she doesn't really care. She lets herself get lost in the taste of him, does her best to suppress the faint moan that climbs up her throat when he nips at her bottom lip and she's almost grateful when Martha interrupts them before things can get any more intense because she doesn't know that she would have had the willpower to stop.

"Alright you two, out with it," his mother instructs, her hands gesticulating dramatically for them to share the news she obviously knows they've been waiting to announce. "I know there has to be something you're waiting to tell us but, honestly, I've been here for less than ten minutes and I can barely stand the elephant in the room."

Castle chuckles, pulling Kate into his side, looking at her to make sure she's okay with forgoing their plan to wait until dinner to announce their engagement and she smiles back at him, nods to convey her approval.

"Well, as you so subtly pointed out, we were waiting until dinner to tell you but I guess there's no point in prolonging it… Kate and I are getting married."

Martha practically jumps up from her seat to throw her arms around Kate, taking her a bit by surprise but that doesn't stop her from circling her arms around her mother-in-law to return the woman's hug. "Oh, Katherine, Richard, darlings this is wonderful!" She exclaims, pulling back only to take hold of Kate's left hand.

"Oh my," Martha marvels, looking at the diamond adorning Kate's fourth finger, moving her hand to inspect all sides of it. "I'm honestly ashamed this isn't the first thing I noticed when I walked through the doors, truly this a stunning little masterpiece."

She turns to her son for a moment, laying a hand to his cheek. "You did well, Richard. I was wondering when you were going to come to your senses and ask this beautiful creature to marry you."

"Thank you, Mother," he grins. "I was just biding my time. I always knew though," he says, looking back at Kate as though to make sure she knows it's the truth.

"Congratulations, son." Jim Beckett pats his shoulder but quickly reaches to pull him into a hug. "You take good care of her. I trust you to do that," he says, and the knowledge that Kate's father trusts him to take care of his daughter is everything he didn't know he needed to hear.

"I will, sir. I promise you that," he vows, knows it's a promise he intends to keep for as long as he lives and breathes on this earth, just like the ones he plans to share with Kate on their wedding day. Jim nods, a bright smile illuminating his features. Kate was right, there really hadn't been anything to worry about. Her father seems to be genuinely happy about this.

Martha wraps her arms around Jim in a fierce hug when he turns away from Rick and Kate takes the opportunity to snuggle back into her fiancé's arms. She isn't usually one to get sentimental, but she thinks she'll make an exception, just this once.

"Thank you," she whispers into the cove of his neck, pressing a kiss to the skin peeking out from under his collar.

"For what?" he asks, puzzled by her gratitude.

"For sharing your family with me," she smiles, watching as Martha interrogates Alexis.

"You knew all along, didn't you?" she asks her granddaughter who simply shrugs and smiles, giving her Gram all the information she needs. "You little rascal! That was some great acting, kiddo. Are you sure you don't want to go into theatre?"

Kate feels the soft brush of his kiss to her temple. "It's a privilege to share them with you, Kate. Thank you for being such an amazing role model to my kid, and for teaching me so much about life."

"We teach each other," Kate corrects, turning in his arms and scratching her nails at the base of his skull along the short hairs at his nape.

"No one with whom I'd rather learn."

* * *

 _A/N: I'd like to thank every single one of you for coming on this journey with me. This is the longest story I've written and it hasn't been an easy process, but your constant support through reviews, follows and favourites kept me going and motivated to write. I did my best to stick with the weekly schedule and I apologize for getting a bit off course towards the end, I'm afraid life got in the way. Also, a special thanks to Nellie for reading over every single chapters, sending the best flails and catching all my embarrassing typos. I hope you all enjoyed this story and I'm looking forward to sharing more with you in 2018! Until next time,_

 _Zoe_

 ** _Twitter: ZoeKeller_**

 ** _Tumblr: zkalways_**


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